HS relay for life speach

Fear-Embrace it and it will go away. Public speaking and being bald are 2 of my biggest fears. I am here today to face and embrace them in hopes that these fears will go away.
(take off my hat) Go ahead and laugh, my mechanism for overcoming my baldness is envisioning all of you with bald heads!
I like to start each day with GRATITUDE and THANKS! So to God, my Doctor, my family, and my community of which you are all a VITAL part, THANK YOU. Thank you for your participation in Relay for Life.
Today is a celebration of LIFE. Congratulate yourselves for making a positive difference by challenging yourselves to go physically beyond you comfort levels for such a worthy cause. I would ask you to make one more concession of you comfort levels and that is that you give and ask generously, AGAIN BEYOND YOUR COMFORT LEVEL , for money to fund the American Cancer Society for much needed research.
I would ask you today to do one more thing for yourselves and for those that come after you. Make up your genetic family tree. Make up a genetic family tree noting where your relatives came from and what diseases they may have had. Genetics play a huge part of determining what each and everyone you and yours will face in the future as it relates to CANCER and many other diseases. Passing this kind of information on to your kids, grand kids, and great grandchildren WILL make a difference in saving lives. PLEASE DO THIS!
Look around you. There are 12 million cancer survivors nation wide, each 25 second is a new diagnosis. More than 70% of teens in HS have already been impacted by cancer whether by a personal diagnosis, or family, or friend. Listen to each other on the track and at the camp out. We need each other as well as draw strength from one another. This is a classic ripple effect. We communicate and support each other by so doing. Drop a stone in the water and watch the ripples cast themselves 360 degrees in all directions pushing aside all obstacles in their way.ctions and reverberate on obstacles in their way. And so it is with our communications; we get more than we give.
Some of you may be asking, "Who are you?". I'm Wanda Calderon's cancer buddy, retired swimming coach's (Steve Sussex's ) wife, MIHS swimmers Sean and Erica's mom, Bonnie Sanborn's Real Estate partner, bald crazy runner, as well as friend to many who have supported me and my family in this wonderful community of love, Mercer Island.
25 years ago my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and I quickly became her caregiver. During this time I felt hopeless and alone. I turned to running in order to cope with the pain-not unlike Forrest Gump who ran to ease his own pain, soon to be joined by crowds with and in support of him. Today, like Forrest, I run with others in support of their unspoken challenges. During my Mother's illness I watched her strength wain as well as fear of the family and friends surrounding her. In those days cancer was more of an absolute death sentence than it is today, and no one wanted to talk about it. Our conversations during those last days produced indelible memories that I will cherish forever.
May 17, 2007, I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer. My 48 year old Cousin had recently died of ovarian cancer of which, until my diagnosis, I didn't know, was closely linked to breast Cancer, from which both my mother and grandmother died. Basically I had dropped the ball on doing my genetic medical history research and consequently was totally blindsided with my diagnosis. How many have heard about a new vaccine for cervical cancer that is for teenagers? Research is advancing rapidly thanks to benefits such as The Relay for Life.

Several years ago my son, Sean, was training for the Olympic Trials. I marveled at his strength and determination, and during one of my runs began to wonder what words I could use to inspire and motivate him to attain that extra .04 seconds, to kick harder, swim faster, and kick some butt. It was on that run these thoughts developed into words that would later come full circle. I wrote them unknowingly for myself. As I approached 53rd street that day-my most dreaded hill on Mercer Island, I embraced these words to fuel the relentless pain of that hill. I challenge my hills every day and challenge you to go forth and pass this on, thereby causing your own "Ripple effect".
Here are those words:
"CHALLENGE THE HILLS YOU MUST CLIMB AND THE ATTITUDE IT TAKES TO SURMOUNT THEM. BUILD YOUR TEAM WITH LOVE FOR THAT IS WHERE YOU GROW YOUR STRENGTH. AND YOU WILL ACHIEVE WHAT OTHERS ONLY DREAM..."

Gilda's Club fashion show

Friday was the Gilda's Club fashion show where Erica, my wonderful support person/daughter strutted down the catwalk with me. I felt like Cinderella at the ball in a beautiful silk lime green dress with A line skirt and 3/4 length cuffed sleeves and double stand up collar. Erica wore a darling ruffled short skirted spaghetti strap dress with matching hot pink floral purse. We rocked! The lights were so bright I could hardly make out the people sitting at tables that flanked the runway. There were 3 designated tables just for me! I did feel supported. Thanks to all you who were there to support me and to support Gilda's club who takes in cancer patients and their support teams free of charge to counsel, educate, and embrace them in their journey thru cancer. It was a great show and fun to participate in and meet other survivors who modeled-nearly 30 of us. Steve took some pictures at the end of the runway where I threw my wig to the crowd and walked bald headed back to the end. A freeing experience.
We left directly after for the hospital, forgetting to take my steroid pills, for my next overnite chemo treatment. As I undressed and got plugged into my port and started the drip for the treatment and climbed into my pjs, I really did feel like a surreal experience and Cinderella returning from the ball.

out of the fog

"I can see clearly now the rain is gone" or so it is seeming. Funny how the last chemo treatment leaves me with a twang over whether I have learned the lesson this time and/or whether I can continue to think in the present moment. I am addressing things as they come up now with full focus and trying not to shove emotions, thoughts, and of course the most brilliant (albeit crazy sometimes) goals under the carpet. What does that mean? Daring to be vulnerable and just me...
I have discovered that after treatment (and this should be a life lesson for anyone after hardship) one needs recovery time. Time itself is healing if taken with the right attitude (that one can be challenging also). Someone once told me after my mother died that time was the only thing that could heal the wounded heart. After I looked at it that way, I was easier on myself, and more patient. I could visualize a scar after a wound that was bleeding.
It is getting late now. I am off to sleep.
But first a few things I am working on this week if anyone out there wants to help.
Find a mother-of-the-bride dress.
Sell a house, or buy a house (I think I have done my share now)
Help Erica with her "free theme" to furnish her house
Date ideas for Steve and I-we like to go out on Wed nites so we can catch up with ea other.
Plant my flowers and start and herb garden
Rent my duplex (2 bedroom, 1 bath-Mercer Island, N end)
Get in my daily exercise
Walk Mylo (our grandpuppy)-or run and combine exercise with mylo....
Think that is it for now.

Mother's Day

To all you Mothers out there, aren't we the richest of people! Happy belated Mother's Day. I woke up early still thinking about the upcoming events of this month that I am trying to prepare for (Gilda's Club fashion show on the 23rd, and speach on the 30th at the High School). I have been obsessing with the uncomfort of both of those moments (and they really are just moments in time), so I spent a few minutes writing things down and then decided I had a few thank you notes to get out so I wrote them and then headed out to meet Deanne and Susan for our weekly run I have missed them dearly). The sun was out on Mercer Island as I headed towards Kirkland but the clouds were rolling in as the wind pushed south. I had a song in my heart and warmth that couldn't be chilled by the wind that brought rain later that day. I was filled with an abundance of love and joy.

neuropathy

I have this funny sensation of tingling in my feet and sometimes a bit in my hands. It went away but now is back and trips me up a bit early mornings when I have been off my feet for a few hours. I think about the description of disconnect between the nerves in sending messages to the brain-that is how it has been described. Some people have more than tingling but for me, like the chemo, it has been not so painful, just annoying, and out of the ordinary.
Thoughts about that-it is a reminder that we are disengaged here for a spell till we can get back in gear and head forward again (or backwards as the case can be). Perhaps the pause is to reflect on the direction we are headed.

Rainbows and butterflies

It is graduation time! I have been asked to speak at the "relay for life" assembly at the High School at the end of the month where the kids have raised funds for the American Cancer society and will walk for pledged amounts for 24 hours, camping out along the way. I have been thinking about what of inspiration I have to say. I remember receiving a card for graduation (funny that one would even stick in my mind after all these years). It was a beautiful rainbow on the front and when you opened the card, multicolored butterflies flew from the rainbow and disbursed out into the sky-I think there might have been a boy with a net running to catch the butterflies but that part is not so vivid. My dreams this morning were of rainbows-the darkness of the full spectrum of colors at one end, the absence of color-white light at the opposite end of the spectrum. I see the sun coming up and the colors are becoming vibrant-spring is in the air. These all create warmth and clarity in a path I would like to follow-the path towards life-the white end of the spectrum. Life along the way is full of many colors and directions but we are guided by the light and sunk by darkness.
Last night after wrestling with post chemo side effects, I shared some mood enhancing drugs with a friend who suffers with MS. I have been reluctant to take drugs of any sort, chemo included, but the effects are night and day, so sharing is the a natural. I have to laugh when we talked about natural childbirth and our past experience with drugs-I was the natural childbirth advocate-feel the pain-don't drug the baby. Now we are all about applying all of our education and utilizing western and eastern methods of pain reduction and healing. Our international affiliations are helpful in studing effects of treatments that have been effective but not tested for years overseas. New studies are popping up daily in this country as the FDA sorts out what is dangerous and what is acceptable for people in this country. Since I am privy to a diverse culture here in the pacific northwest, I benefit by all sorts of techniques and remedies-yoga, acupuncture, wine, pot, massage, monavie.
What stands out in the whole picture is the attitude with which you embrace life. If you want to see the light, you have to follow it and know that it is there. The cloud will go away, but the sun is behind the cloud. I have a healing yoga tape Jodi Wes gave to me-I think she should practice with me-she is a yoga master-and it starts with breathing centering exercise, then reminds us to release our inner tensions and anxioties and forgive, remember what we are greatful for. Gratitude and abundance-we have! "Every decision I make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle" I choose the miracle. When I focus on the abundance and the miracles I am rich! Gotta go do my yoga. I have to practice on you all and write a speach for the 30th. Let me know what resonates with you and what might inspire a high school graduate-and NO, Sean, I don't need to get attention mentioning pot at the HS.

Last chemo

Here we go again. Knocked down but to bounce back again soon. This time we have much to celebrate as my doctor is optimistic that we have once again nipped this one in the bud. As Cori says, remember Chuckey Cheese where the purple guy keeps bouncing back up and gets hit with the hammer...what a visual. We must be vigilant and never give up. I got my 3rd and hopefully last treatment this last Thursday and am sleeping a lot (or not at all if you look at this post time) and expect to be back to new normal by next Thurs.
We are celebrating the closing of Erica and Dan's new house here on Mercer Island and it has been a joy to have them here and settling into new digs. It brings back so many memories of first time home ownership and all that that entails. They are busy going to garage sales and checking Craig's list for furnishings. It is a big process just to close the deal these days. Loans are not easy to come by and are taking longer to close, but all said and done it happened the day I went into the hospital for my last chemo. Must have been meant to be.
Much running through my head these days. I am practicing yoga healing early morning as much as possible since it gets my head in the right place with concentration on forgiveness, choosing miracles over grievances, and relaxation and healing thoughts. Meditation is good for the sole.
I am drinking my Monavie juice that I started taking back in October, but now am distributing since I really think it has helped my energy level, and it is easier than downing pills, or buying organic fruits (which is basically what is is in concentrate juice form). Anybody else out there heard of it? Wanna try it?
The worries over genetic testing and insurance coverage has just changed this last week. Now the insurance companies are no longer allowed to discriminate against people with genetic predispositions. Good news for Erica and I. We are off to get tested since my sister tested positive for the Brach 1 genetic defect. I am learning so much but it is just the tip of the ice burg.
The summer run is coming up and I see we made the newsletter for last years participation as being the largest group! Let's beat that one this year. I hope to run it this time! It is the 27th of July, so mark your calendars....Love you all.