Kat Tale

2010 Summer Run

2010-08-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

This year we had 101 team members and raised over $8,000 toward finding a cure!! We had a great turn out and lots of fun at the race. After the event we had a Party at the Casa to celebrate.

After Party at the Casa

Happy Birthday Cori and Steve

April 2, 2010 post- and Swedish Summer Run 2010

2010-07-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

Around midnight I can begin to feel my stomach muscles again—besides the contraction/crunches I’ve been dealing with daily dry heaves. I believe this time it is anesthesia from yesterday’s surgery (shunt implant in my head to alleviate pressure), headaches, and vomiting.

12:35 AM my blood pressure is sounding off as it has elevated to 163/89 from a previous 143 over 80 something. The nitro patch is still on to help lower my blood pressure. I am resting but not sleeping. Perhaps an Adivan would be good, but I don’t know if my brain surgeon has approved the medication. I wish I could get my favorite nurse in here.

I am trying to position my head so as not to lay on my incisions, and it seems to be working. So I’m glad to say I’ve been successful on this. But I have problems getting tangled in my tubes and my blood pressure cuff and monitor go off every half hour.

Everyone has been so kind to me and I am feeling great. Thank you all for helping me heal. God bless you. You are all invited to join me on Team Sussex at the 2010 SummeRun raising monies to find a cure for ovarian cancer. This is my fourth competing and each year more cures become available. Your donations and participation are getting us closer to finding the cure.

Please check for race details and sign up for Team Sussex. www.summeRun.org or call Marilyn 206-669-2120

4th Annual Summer Run

2010-06-17T16:37:00.000-07:00

We are off to a great start and new horizons with the Ovarian Cancer summer run. My "Team Sussex" is growing every year as I continue (thank God I am still alive) my battle with this demon. Every year with all new research and screening, new hope for early detection and new cures ,my life gets extended, so I am so grateful for this venue. We had our first kick off practice walk this last Wed at 6PM, you are all welcome to join us, and will continue until walk/run day-challenge yourself to be your best-July 25th, Sunday. If you can't make make race day, join Team Sussex with a donation (www.SummeRun.org), smile and think of me as you challenge yourself to reach a higher level with whatever activity makes you feel best(I am not talking about drinking folks).

My summer is busy. Dan's parents and brother are coming from Australia to see their granddaughter! We are all excited to show her off and have her meet her family. She will be 5 months old when they get here and is smiling and such a great baby they can't wait! I couldn't have waited this long, but they will get much better weather in July (I hope).
Then comes the summer run on the 25th, and then my nephew is getting married at our house Aug.1. Great to have uplifting and fun events to look forward to.

Plumbing problems

2010-05-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

For the past 2 weeks I had been producing small hard balls and thank God they were small because they seemed to be backed up all the way up the entire pipe. I have been spared the colonoscopy ordeal because of all of the other test but it has been so uncomfortable that I was beginning to think I should go see another specialist. I had tried stool softeners, all the natural remedies like the Doctor recommended but finally decided to get a bit more serious and bought 2 laxatives. Just like the movie, Dumb and Dumber, the concoction worked, but I could go nowhere for a full day and I spent the day cleaning up. I have to admit, I feel much better and I have a new empathy for digestive diseases and cancers.

I have tried a couple of new healing techniques just to round out all of my options. Last week was my drumming session which was awesome, but I am afraid it wasn't as effective as it could have been if I hadn't been so constipated. There were 8-10 people there with Kristin Salerno leading the session. Soon we were all feeling the vibrations of 8 drums, singing bowls from Tibet, and rattles. Following was a restful, hands on Reiki session where I was the center of attention for all those wonderful energies.

Today I walked with my weekly pair of girlfriends and we dodged the bikers training for the STP (Seattle to Portland) bike ride. I was jealous of all those bikers riding when I cannot trust my balance to even get on my bike-in fact my bike was moved over to the waterfront house where we reside now (7550 E Mercer) and it is laden with rope, kayak paraphernalia, and other things that make it appear I will not be using it anytime soon. So this afternoon I capitalized on an opportunity to have an in home chiropractic visit from Dean Sanna. It was inspirational-reminding me of how good I have it, and what I need to work on to get better.

Updates, Doctor, and Baby

2010-05-12T20:26:00.001-07:00

Most of the questions I get these days involve "How are you doing" and the usual response-"Fine" though I continue to fight new spots that crop up, and how is Dyllan? Is she home if come over now?

So to catch you up Dyllan was born to Erica and Dan on Jan 24, 2010 (9 week premature-nearly 4 lbs) and she has more than doubled her weigh and is strong as a horse. Seems like she is only steps away from crawling and mostly a near perfect baby though Erica calls her "Miss Fuss" a lot. We think she is the most beautiful thing on this earth and are loving having her expressions, both smiles and pouty lips. She seems to have caught up with the rest of the bunch at 4 months.

My visit to the doctor today turned into some more testing (EKG, to make sure my heart will withstand the next chemo treatment). So yes, the cancer has spread, to the lymph nodes, stomach, and lungs) but I was given a wonderful sunny Sunday, Mother's Day to gather my strength and prepare for the next round. Sunday we went to the baseball game (Mariners) and they won! First win in over 8 games, and it was 8-1
Then the kids put on a great evening as the sun set on the waterfront. Sean set a beautiful and cooked lamb, roasted potatoes, cut up pineapple and had a huge bottle of champagne. As a finale, they brought out a picnic canvas bag with snacks, plates and silverware, and drinks.Perfect for the boat, or most any excursion-which we will have to plan more of.

Disabilities or Challenges? April 27

2010-05-12T20:25:00.001-07:00

It has been brought to my attention that I haven't kept up with the blog, so I thought I would tell you what has transpired. I have had a few physical setbacks, stemming from the fact that I was dizzy and seeing double so immediately we were back at Swedish Hospital in the radiology department for a lumbar punch (spinal tap). That is where they sample the fluid out of the spinal cord-3rd vertebrae, and then run a test to see if there is cancer running up to the brain they radiated the last month.
So after patiently waiting 4 or 5 days, I called the Dr office to get the results. The Dr came on the phone (best man in the world) and said "how is the double vision"
and I answered that it had really gone away. So he must have been just as ecstatic as I was and said I didn't need to have any more chemo for this week. So now I get a week off, and am that much closer to being cancer free.
Meanwhile I have had fun with long time friends, Susan and Maggie, from 7th grade from Japan. Have been swimming at the Bellevue Club and tying to regain my strength (not to hard with 4 personal trainers, Sean next door, and Dan downstairs, Mylo, my service dog who has to go out daily, and Earl who pushed Emily last year in the Marsha Rivkin Summer Run). It is coming up soon so start training now and I will let you know about all the details and after party.

Time to make more magic cookies

2010-05-12T20:24:00.001-07:00

The idea of these cookies is that they are gluten free and very easy to make for the ones you love who are gluten intolerant-My intent is to get them in the store with the packaged Don't forget to comment on how the magic cookies effected you and let the comments come in when they get in the stores which will be soon? Have you tasted them yet? I am grinding the nut (I think i HAVE CASHEW FROM COSTCO)) AND WILL grind them in the coffee grinder. We shall see how the turn out. The always disappear so fast. Yum.
remember only 3 ingredients: 1 lb ground nuts, 1 1/2 cup of sugar, and 4 eggs. And lots of LOVE. After the eggs and sugar beat for 10 min, heat oven to 350 degrees and cook for 15 to 20 min. on parchment paper (so they don't burn). Add whatever other tasty ingredients you like (dried fruit) almond extract, etc. I would like to give upmost credit to Lynnette Johnson for the fabulous photos. Didn't she do the best job? What a love.

Love is the answer

2010-04-10T05:25:00.000-07:00

I had an epiphony the other day and everything is going my way. I am healed and I now know the meaning of life. I get it! Love is the answer. "This is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." (My Mother used to tell me daily)

New treatment schedule

2010-04-09T04:20:00.000-07:00

The latest battle is on as of Wednesday, 4/7/10, and here is what the attack strategy is-take notes cancer network group; the love is working here! Let me tell you first-the bottom line is LOVE because that is all there really is to the meaning of life!!!I am filled with it abundantly and thank God everyday for all that I am blessed with. OK, My new chemo drug comes in a pill form and is called Xeloda 500 mg, 2 in the am and 2 in the evenings for 7 days each 14 days (and you think you have trouble keeping track of your pills each day!). Then I am getting accessed to my portacath once a week for a treatment of Avastin (I have been on this before and battled with my insurance company (no more battling with the insurance company, they are paying-it is expensive, but working!). So I had my first treatment on the 7th of Avastin, got my chemo prescription at Wallgreens, (have been showing houses in between and running into amazing loving people with the real estate consulting). You can all Steve if you want to drive me (still not driving-but enjoying the Bellevue Club immensely) and looking forward to a Jr High School Reunion coming up the weekend of the 16th and 17th with some very close girlfriends. The dates for Avastin are 4/15, 5/5, and 5/19.
There is so much more love going on, I cannot keep up with it, so I am just passing it along to you all. Love ya. Kerryoki (new nickname since I am from Oklahoma and love to sing love songs.

Mylo my service dog

2010-04-07T06:44:00.000-07:00

Mylo, my service dog in training, and I walked to the top of our hill this morning. I am getting stronger. That used to be too far to the top. Perhaps because today is a new chemo , Dr visit and Avastin-next attack on the cancer. I love that dog! She is the very best. Aren't pets amazing healer's She sleeps on my bed and I know that is not cool for a service dog, but last night she sprang open like a kangaroo (she is part Australian I think cause she really is Dan and Erica's dog) and I found her with her paws up in the air on her back. Made me laugh (LOL)!

Had a stamper doodle party last nite with Elaine, Karen, me and Pam-whose house we went to. We will have to have another party so anyone interested in having fun and putting together cards with us, let me know for future arrangements upcoming.

Summer Run, July 2010 is gearing up with launch at Rivkin's house soon, so get ready team and send Marilyn an email (marilyndierickx@comcast.net) so you won't be forgotten. It will be my 4th annual and I hope to be running again!

Magic cookies today for sure!!!!

Dad and Doctors

2010-04-05T05:30:00.000-07:00

My Dad is my Father in Law, George Sussex. My own father passed away from a sudden heart attack while sailing his beautiful dream sailboat, the Minx, with my brother, Todd back in 1994-a day I will never forget. He has been a rock for me and loving family head of household since I married his son August 27th, 1977 at the University chapel by campus and headed to a reception way out at his old friend Louie's parent's house in Burien. Boy were things different then. I made my own dress because I could (I could have fit into my Mother in Laws' dress but it had a huge train and I was going much less formal) Hind sight we had lots of fun with the dress at the parent's 50th wedding anniversary, so it more than served it's purpose.
Anyhow, I have been lucky enough to have 2 families now for over 30 years-who is so lucky? No wonder I am doing so well.
George recently had knee replacement surgery, and it is not uncommon here-my cousin, Domino, who was just here from Chicago, is looking into it and he is much younger, so consider yourself lucky to have had a success full replacement already-let's just get this under pain control! Any suggestions out there. We talked about how important it is to have a Doctor that you trust with your treatments. Doesn't matter what ordeal you are going through, you just want to know you are getting better, not worse. So please focus of helping us through the next energy flow to George's healing of his knee replacement. Thanks all.

"Magic Cookies"

2010-04-05T05:17:00.000-07:00

I have been obsessesed with the magic cookies recipe and idea since it's inception, but am so aware that it has taken so much time to launch that it is now burried in a draft (now launched in an antiquated date of Feb 11. 2010) that still many of you don't get the magic cookies...At this point it should be going great guns, and it is for me, but it is just the tip of the iceberg. Make a batch today! I am pursuing the marketing in the stores at this point. Help is needed on packaging and marketing and getting into the stores. I am also out of the entire 60 lbs of almonds that I measured into lbs for each batch. Here we go!

new regiment for cancer treatment

2010-04-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

I had a Dr. Kaplan appointment this last Wed and things are looking good. The radiation worked on the lump that had formulated but there remains a haze of cancer yet to see if it will dissipate. So I will have another scan next week and see where we are. Meanwhile, I will start chemo pill and Avastin IV next week, Wed. and hope that we can get rid of a bit more. There is still one other slow growing place in the lungs that may need a Cyberknife treatment (I assimilate it to prostate cancer where you plant seeds and radiate). Let me know if you know of anything else. I am making healthy foods again and welcome your visits and please check out my newly launched Magic Cookies blog for Dr. Kaplan.

2010-04-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

You thought that was me in the ducati jacket and helmet didn't you?

The Ducati

2010-04-01T08:38:00.000-07:00

It's all about speed... Sean pulls a Grandma and decides to go wild and buy a motorcycle and give up his convertible BMW that he earned going to THE Olympic Trials back in 2004. Now he has a hunched over speed machine, and new black Ducati.

He comes home with walking papers, a jacket, Fancy Bell Helmet and gloves with steel. It may not be a fighter plane on the tar mack like Bonnie's speedy son Reid, but I swear those 2 are brothers somewhere. Protect each other. We are all excited about life in the fast lane. Love....

Abilities or challenges

2010-03-31T13:58:00.000-07:00

I have recently and temporarily, had a few physical setbacks and it has opened my horizons. Rather than sit back and let the Doctors handle it, my team has encouraged and inspired me to "be the best You can be". I feel empowered.

I have been thinking of others whose paths have crosses with mine and 2 MS friends, and a new friend with seizures have come to mind. And comes to mind some Chrohns/ Colitis and other breast cancer patients and Altimers' (boy are there some duzies out there-I consider myself lucky... I am inspired by actions they have taken (or not, and would love to either learn or hope from their actions).

This is what action I am taking:
1. Mylo is my service dog and we are working on getting her certified.
2. Invite a friend to dinner or to drive-I am limited to no driving for the next 6 months since my seizure.
3. Ask for help specifically, and get to know who I am asking help from.
4. Dare to dream big and speak about it. Share.

See how loved you are?

Reunions

2010-03-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

Just had a great week of reunions with college roommates and a wonderful date with my fabulous husband/gardener. My old house is now rented and the new tenant moving in. I went to see Avatar with Steve today and it was a fabulous date with 3D glasses. Hope you all are having as much fun as I am. I walked about 3 miles up hills and to Starbucks with Deanne and Susan (running friends who have slowed down for me). Feel free to make your own comments and stories as I know you all have them out there again. I am off to make magic cookies and my cousin is here tonight for the week from Chicago, so give me some time off for a couple of days.

Photo shoot just in...

2010-03-23T17:14:00.000-07:00

If you like these pictures there are more where these came from. Loved the photo shoot. Send some money to Haiti for those beautiful children who need our immediate attention. Dyllan doesn't even steel the show here.

Dyllan over 8 lbs!

2010-03-22T21:33:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note that today was Dyllan's due date (or close enough) so we had her Dr appt with Hal Quinn, Mercer Island Pediatrics (my kid's own Dr and great place). She weighs 8 lbs. 2 oz. -more than any of us bet... She would have been a big baby to push out! I am sure we are all happy to have her out here and so perfect.

1/2 marathon and Mylo

2010-03-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

Mylo, Steve and I went up to the top of the driveway to cheer on the racers which I formerly (Steve too) have participated in actively. We found Bilbe's at the roads edge with cow bells and fortunately I had gloves to ring those cowbells loudly. Yeah Gwenna and Eric, yeah Debbie Constantine, yeah Earl Davis, and Art, yeah talking rain Hunter and Dad...I was glad to be watching this year. Perhaps next year I will be out there again.
Mylo barked sufficiently for encouraging all the runners and we headed back down after a couple of hours. A pump me up for the rest of the week. Today I celebrated a beautiful day, watched the neighbors wake board and water surf behind their boat, and kayaked the other day myself. Water is soooo healing. Try it sometime. You will love it.

Corned beef and cabbage

2010-03-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

Yes, the luck of the Irish is with me for days...We fixed a feast of corned beef and cabbage and Michael Backes brought over green beers! We watch the Big Luberski movie in preparation for bowling nite tonight. Any day you can celebrate is a great day. Choose an event to celebrate today. Michael was great with Dyllan Grace and fed her a bottle. What a guy!

I cannot slow down...

2010-03-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

Nora Jones, song of the day, my mind is spinning. Today was my last day of radiation treatment and lucky Irish St Patrick's day! Cause for green celebration all around. We are having corned beef and cabbage to celebrate. Lift a glass of green beer for me tonight. You have all been so fabulous in my uplifting spirits and encouragement, this treatment is nothing but love and success. My scan is next week and I expect miracles are resulting. More on the horizon if necessary we can go back to chemo. I am optimistic that I will regain plenty of strength this next week as I have a week off trauma and stress. No worries about driving with cell phone since I cannot drive for a bit, but that won't stop me from walking and now running. Come take me out!

A fabulous day

2010-03-16T06:55:00.000-07:00

It is March madness and the weather is beautiful! 62 degrees out yesterday and a nice weekend up coming. Sarah and Sharon took me to treatment yesterday-my happy place. We got home and the water was flat as a pancake and beckoning for the kayaks to come out. It was Sarah's birthday, so we had to paddle down to the Beach Club and chase the geese off the dock. Set the tone for a gorgeous day and I actually got those flowers that have been pouring in into the ground for some beautiful color spots. Spring is here already. I made a chop chop salad and spinach salad with Lucy for dinner and bathed Dyllan before retiring for bed.

Business is picking up! I think that the log jam is breaking up and the banks are finally get their acts together and we are seeing offers once again. Deals are out there to be had. Call me if you have any urge to make a change.

Tony, my homeless friend

2010-03-15T05:12:00.000-07:00

Tony lives on the corner of Rainier Ave and Jackson where I pass him going to and from my radiation appointments. He collects money until he raises $50 so that he can stay in a hotel for the night with his son. The other day I asked how things were going and Tony began to cry saying that his son had his arm amputated and was depressed. I started to collected 1st aid things around the house for his care to drop off this am. What can we do?
My sister was bit by a feral cat that she was rescuing from a homeless camp that had been bulldozed for a commercial development. Her temperature spiked to 101 degrees and she went in for a shot to aleive the fever. Animals calm us and need our help but don't complain the way humans do. I am training my dog to be a service dog since they aim to please their masters unconditionally. Random news...just on my mind.

Energy...

2010-03-14T04:57:00.000-07:00

Amazing the energy that I feel surrounding me from all of your positive actions and thoughts. Keep it coming. My schedule has been full. Cori and Mo grabbed me to go see Alice in Wonderland yesterday which I could fully relate to (falling down the hole and all of the challenges and competitions-or am I in a dream?). Went to the container store and got myself a bit more organized, thanks to Betty who got me started on that route-have to admit it helps the business side of things, and invited 10 guests for dinner (someone else made the dinner) so the social was positively fabulous. Sally came by and took me out to run errands-sometimes it is nice not to be able to drive-no tickets here! And all that in just one day. Planning for the future is the hard part. The day started out with a photo shoot for Dyllan and the family and I am excited to get the pictures back. A beautiful day and wonderful results.

eye of the storm

2010-03-11T04:50:00.000-08:00

2:30 and the wind was howling up a storm and I woke up dreaming of the past 24 hours. I had watched the Navy Seals training on TV and felt their fatigue myself; guests had been many during the day...Susan had taken me to treatment and we had visited her remodel in Queen Anne, Lisa had come over after and we had caught up on neighbors and yoga news, Eileen had come by to take me to a staging appointment that stirred some excitement about getting our Queen Anne View condo sold, Elaine from Blaine arrived to help with baby Dyllan and dinner, Suzie Curan brought dinner over and we supplimented and invited Dave and Enso to join the family. Bedtime at 9 was none too early so I am rested now and ready to face a calmer day today. Mylo needs training for her service dog certification, curtains need to be made for the baby's room, the magic cookies are all gone and I need to make a new batch and get them on the website...so much to do. Bonnie is out of town this week so work becons and it is exciting to see things moving again. Thank you to all who stimulate me and keep me going. Live Strong!!!

pickin' up

2010-03-10T06:55:00.000-08:00

With all the dizziness of the past week, there was bound to be a better day, and it has arrived. I believe the new meds have made a difference in the numbness and my balance is returning. Not only that, but the tumors are disappearing and miracles are happening. I will get results from the cat scan a few days ago today sometime to confirm, but to the touch, things are already better. Dyllan is growing and so am I.

The Oscars were so much fun. I dressed up and went to Cori's house in all my finery with a little help from the peanut gallery. I think I won best outfit. What do you all think?

I am surrounded by angels and cannot fail.

Shaving again...

2010-03-08T06:21:00.000-08:00

oscars

2010-03-08T06:03:00.000-08:00

So I dressed up and went to the oscar party last night and pretended I was a movie actress. I am getting there slowly but surely. I wore my fur and diamonds and had to put my wig on cause my hair fell out again, and I had a beautiful big brimmed red hat that I acquired in Palm Desert to complete the outfit. Will see if Cori can email me a photo for the blog... Sean shaved my head last night to save me the clean up of shedding hair all over the pillow and shower. Slick Watts I am again.

Toured a new client around with Bonnie to some fun listings and will let you all know that I am still working so don't forget us. We just landed a sale this week so good news that things are picking up which means some cash flow. We have rented our Salem Woods house this past week and are very excited to be settled in our waterfront house with Erica, Dan and Dyllan. Stop by and see us when you get a chance. We love company.

Blackout

2010-03-06T06:47:00.000-08:00

Parts of yesterday were a hazes to me and part as clear as gold. I went to my radiation treatment with an entourage of friends, Erica, Terri, Dyllan and Ka. We were greeted by Angel as usual and proceeded to the scanning machine for the quick visit it normally takes. Starbucks fed us a nice cup of coffee afterwards and snack and we went home back to Ka's to check out her classy, beautiful remodeling job. My leg started to go numb again, so I sat down in the kitchen booth and began to try to work it out.. After a few minutes, it didn't get any better, so I lay down on the bench seat and waited for the troops to get back upstairs and take me into the bedroom. I decided to call my doctor and see if there was some physio exercise that I should be doing to relieve this numbness, but the phone connections took too much time and next thing I knew the numb leg migrated into the arm area and shortly took over my whole body quivering in uncontrollable epileptic seizure. My heart raced out of my head, and my left side shook uncontrollably. I heard my daughter, Erica holding me and softly crying for me to wake up and I passed out. I thought I was dying, I was so scared. I woke moments later to find the shaking subsided and medics surrounding me asking me all kinds of questions. Hours of ER and cat scan and blood tests show that the tumor is still to blame for the body malfunctions, but I am convinced we are making progress and that it is not my time to go. What an experience! we drove my the homeless guy, Tony, who stands on the street corner at Rainier and Jackson and Ka handed him a $5. This is 1/10th of what he needs to spend the night at a motel with his son, then he will return for the next day and peddle for the next night. A veteran.

Dark Shadows

2010-03-05T06:41:00.000-08:00

Song of the day: Friday Afternoon by Credance Clearwater Revival.
Did you ever watch that sitcom? Dark Shadows? or am I dating myself?

I am jumping ahead on the day and reflecting on yesterday (maybe the Beattle's song should be the song of the day-Yesterday) I attended a session at Guild's Club (the cancer network place to be for support groups, information and activities for distraction and growth) last night. The topic was preparing for and recovering from surgery. I have had my surgery already, but with this cancer, you never know when they will surprise you and opt for another one-TODAY. There never seems to be any time to sit with the idea of having your body carved up and how scarey that can be. The 20 some odd attendees were from all walks of life and the 1 1/2 hr time frame went by quickly. I went with Jean who also has ovarian cancer and is in remission now and we chatted up a storm both over and back since she drove. I listened to some stories that seemed hopeless yet these people were here with their caregivers and spouses and full of information. The leader was a therapist and survivor herself with the same genetic mutation that I have (BRACA1). I started daydreaming about new ways to reach my nirvana and come out from the dark shadows.

Comments on the blog...

2010-03-02T12:58:00.000-08:00

I understand that some are having difficulties and giving up on the blog comments. Comments from the peanut gallery on that one? I suggested signing up for a gmail account, but some may just want to email me and then I have to get back to you...Keep it simple stupid (KISS it) My new motto.

Sunday Special Service

2010-03-01T04:35:00.000-08:00

Sunday was a full day starting with my walk with the girls routine. Fresh air and good company is always a great way to start the day. Hiking up through Pioneer Park with Mylo in training (service dog) was both successful and invigorating. The dog preformed her duties well, eager to please and get some much deserved attention, and with my newly purchased hiking stick, my balance was uncompromised. We arrived at our destination, Starbucks, and a short lived wave of nausea overtook me. I had a straight up American and skipped the milk. Done. We walked back down thru the park, noticing all the wonderful old growth forest and beauty that surrounded us.
Home again and it was Dyllan feeding time, and I helped Erica get ready for a baby shower she was making cupcakes for, then tried to get some rest before the church service that would include a special anointment ceremony dedicated to me.
Joys and concerns were many and very heart felt as people expressed their inner most deep hurts and joys. One visitor was asking for prayers for his old roommate who had just killed a young teacher he had been stalking and in turn was later killed by police. Many had recently lost parents or grandparents, or we struggling with illnesses. My heart was heavy. Dale preached a sermon that hit home (the parable from Luke 14:15-24 New Testament p. 77) - the invitation to the banquet no one came to and the servant went out to invite the dejected into his house...and then following that service, I was received by so many who showered me with kind words and positive energy. Liz had a reception to follow and it couldn't have been less meaningful than the baptism of a newborn.

Vancouver Olynnpic Games

2010-03-01T03:39:00.000-08:00

Saturday Cori, Bonnie and I decided to trek up to the games in Vancouver to savor the flare of the festivities before they left our neck of the woods. We were not disappointed! Dan, Erica and Dyllan caravaned. The border crossing was 10 minutes, the drive around 3 hours, parking by the waterfront, $10/day the trip-memories of a lifetime.
We caught the new sky (underground) train and shoved in like the Japanese trains, moving to the back cars to enable the stroller to fit, with instructions from the platform help for ease in transportation. Arriving at the hub of the activities we entered Robson Street, bought some souvenir pins and looked for the ever illusive red mittens and Olympic gear. To satisfy our growing hunger pains we ducked out of the crowd and drizzle and into Joe Fortes restaurant. We were escorted to the top garden rooftop tented venue, set up to especially for viewing of the city and with big screen TVs and special menu. We shortly notice Vince Vahn, who was getting the royal treatment sitting at the table next to us. Our waiters and waitresses gave us the royal treatment as well, bringing us steak tartar for tasters to an awesome meal.
Satisfied and full we exited to roundevou with Dan, Erica and baby Dyllan and move on to visit the Calderon and take pictures.
Along the route we encountered the party atmosphere of athletes mingling with spectators and a basic adrenaline air with dancing in the street, hockey games (the big hockey match off with the US vs Canada was due the following day and competition was in the air). We place a medal we had brought from home for an event we had completed (tour de Tuscon specifically that Bonnie had done) around Dan's neck and immediately got results-"Who is that guy and what event does he do?" Although we came up with quite a few responses hind site to chuckle about...Dan answered eloquently "I am the Australian baby buggy pusher champion!" and smiled, flexing his muscles and resolving to "Look better naked".
Gastown was our next stop where we check out the historic district and visited the Inuit Indian art shop. I would have loved to buy a few things there, but I am in recycle mode and trying not to add more stuff to my life (memories last a lifetime). Then Dyllan became restless and we stopped at Earl's restaurant to rest a bit and recover. No sooner had we reached the sports bar when Dan recognized 2 guest from his hometown in Terry Hills, Australia that he hadn't seen in 10 years! Amazed at such a small world, we joined them for another fabulous meal of the day and caught up with new friends, calling Australia to let Dan's Mom know that yet another person had gotten to hold her new granddaughter before her.
We left the crowds in search of a Canadian flag we could capture and take over the border, but didn't want to steal one and ruin the welcoming spirit that surrounded us as we left the country (On our entry we had seen many that had fallen off cars, but were not destined to take one home). Cori had said if we didn't get one, we would loose the hockey game-which was to happen the next day. It is her fault we lost!

technical update

2010-03-01T03:36:00.000-08:00

Sign up for a gmail account so that you can post comments to the blog! Google is the search engine here and very user friendly. You will be glad you updated. You can email me for help at kkattale@gmail.com.

Vancouver Olympics 2010

2010-02-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

Overdose

2010-02-26T15:13:00.000-08:00

My head is spinning with all of the brainstorm ideas that are circling my head. I have a schedule starting early in the morning. If I am sleepless and up blogging, I can flip the lightswitch on in the stairwell so that Dyllan's parents know I can help with the feeding and maybe they can get some much needed rest (surely new parents are on overdose and must be exhausted); then I have gratitude to express and there are a million way to do that also (magic cookies, thank you notes, phone calls...). This process early in the morning, or even middle of the night, is restful and gearing up for the new and beautiful day that is showing itself to me in winter storms, sunrises, waterfront activity, dog cuddling and baby sttention. I must be careful not to spend too much time on any activity because it becomes an addiction.
I have scheduled my radiation appointments in the am on purpose since it gets me going and the hospital staff is fresh and new. I get dressed for the day because I have places to be and "stuff" to do. (Some days I need help with this one too).
Pinch me, make it real
I am so filled with loving energy from all who surround me that I overdose and forget to rest. By afternoon I really need to quit spinning and lay down. This is when pain, vomiting, or body collapsing seems to happen which frustrates me (sure some of this is from chemo or radiation....I have cancer). It makes it real because everyone is going through life with some sort of ordeal and we forget to listen to them because we are overdosing on our own pains. Let go, Let Love take over...

Dr Love

2010-02-25T03:10:00.000-08:00

Dr Love, (Dr Mehta, my radiologist)
I remind myself that love is the answer, so for me right now going through radiation, this is the answer. It is happy place, everyone knows my name and smiles at me in a welcoming manner when I arrive. They get me warm blankets and explain everything I have questions about. Patients talk to each other and encourage one another.

I am once again up early and as I rose, Steve said "you are something". What does that mean? He gets upset when I leave the room because he thinks I need to sleep. He is doing the best he can and trying to help me get better. Do I do the same for him when he is coughing or snoring in the middle of the night? Selfishly I want kick him and yank on his pillow to get him to roll over and stop snoring! My friends have gotten seperate rooms now and it is becoming popular to see new houses being built with 2 master suites. Why do we gravitate away from each other when we grow older?What if I want to read in the middle of the night? or blog? Who is the one that is supposed to get up and tip toe quietly so as not to wake the other? The one snoring, or the one who is sleeping without disturbance?

I think back to Dyllan and pure love. What would I do if the person next to me were Dyllan? If Dyllan were coughing, I would want to curl up next to her and comfort her even though she was annoying (if she is screaming out of control I might not feel like it-then it might be time to delegate the comfort task to someone else since I would be void of loving actions). We have choices. Take the loving action.

Clutter

2010-02-24T16:42:00.000-08:00

Clutter shows an imbalance. If you have YOURSELF reached the point of "too much" or "enough already!", then it is time to start decluttering-a healthy thing for all of us. (remember this may not be just about physical things, but about what is racing around in your head)
1. Prioritize
2. Sort into files
3. Get rid of the junk-reduce, reuse, and recycle
3 boxes (believe me the earth will be a better place when we all start doing this-go green)
4. Give yourself a reward for your acheivements
5. Be gentle on yourself. Baby steps. You didn't get to where you are now overnite.
SONG-How Sweet it is to be loved by you by James Taylor

On weight:
You are perfect just the way you are-you weren't born imperfect. So now you have to go throught steps to return to perfect, but what is perfect? Perfect is LOVE. Start loving yourself.
1. Dress in the am for what you feel up to-notice how you are dressing and perhaps you will find your passion in life-swim suit at 6 am? Coach? Love that group!
2. Change your outfit for where you intend to be. Work? and who you are meeting-they will appreciate the connection and it will be appropriate. Stay neutral or whith what most would expect of you if you don't know the people you are meeting. Help someone you love get dressed if they don't have the mind to do it themselves, but don't push yourself on them). It is ok to look different (that is where fashion comes from...).
3.Go to a doctor if you aren't able to do these steps alone. The medical profession has lots of answers that may be right for you if you are brave enough to try them. (plastic surgery, lap band surgery...)
4. Exercise-you can maintain a good shape if you both eat right and exercise on a physical level. Dogs don't have a choice-look at their owners...
5. I prefer the natural remedies. I dress accordingly, but I can "fake it till I make it" also. You become what you imagine long enough. "Dream big and pray for the results".
Enough already....Declutter.

Mon. 2/22

2010-02-24T16:19:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the lapse in blog posts, but I had some technical difficulties and I am hoping that I have them fixed now.

Dr Love visit and a tad nauseous this am-very unstable and just a little numb-enough so to ask Becky to come down with a walker. Cori brought over a whistle walking stick. Man! Do I feel old.
I debated smoking a dubie but never got that far. Steve takes me for lunch at the Blue water taco shop next to the hospital.
We are taking bets as to what Dyllan will weigh when she reaches her due date, March 23, 2010. She was born Jan 24th at 3 lbs 15 oz and now weighs 5 lbs 8 oz! What a girl! When she is awake, she is fully engaged. Making noises, picking up and turning her head, raising her arms above her head and kicking her little legs. She seems so much less fragile than just a few short weeks ago. What fun to watch her grow so fast before my very eyes-so I challenge myself to also press on fast. It is exhausting but a thrill with the Vancouver Olympics playing in the background. We are the champions.
I know I am going o get a good nites sleep tonight. The sun has shone brightly all day long and kayaks have cruised by and water skiers and it's February! I love it here.
My downs syndrome friend calls and I understand him. Perhaps my listening skills have improved. Mylo has mellowed out, not the wild dog she was when Dyllan came home. Hoang comes to clean and the House feels both clean and loved...
Yesterday was an amazingly strong day. Miracles are happening.

magic happening/alien encounter

2010-02-19T00:04:00.000-08:00

I cannot possibly begin to describe the "magic* that happened yesterday alone. For simplicity's sake, let's just say each set of () is an opportunity for someone to comment or expound on the story) My head is exploding (perhaps a "chemo brain" side effect of the radiation that took place yesterday, as that is what Dr Mehta (Dr Love-that is what Mehta means) said might be a side effect of the procedure. Nasea is the feeling of the moment, the power of suggestion? I tried to block out that idea-it is a negative idea and I WILL not be negative about this treatment!!!! It is not a loving idea, God help me. YES, that is what Cancer has taught me.
The 2 hr consultation turned into an afternoon appointment to actually do the radiation. Like Avatar, I was escourted into a my spaceship where the transformation took place. "Are you clostraphobic?" Tony, the technician asked. I lay down on the stainless flatbed and a cold, wet breathable matter was placed over my face. "Kinda like a facial" Brea told me. (They remembered my name, I HAD to remember theirs-after all I AM a real estate agent and names are very important). This formed the facemask that would direct the radiation beams to my brain. In just about the same time a wonderful facial would have been over, the mask was ready to remove. I left the spaceship to return to earth, euphoric, and ready to return for the 1st spaceship trial launch that afternoon. To be continued...if you would like to drive me to a future launch, Kathy and Steve are scheduling escort service. I cannot wait to share with you, Hal-you are on buddy, Steve is 1st (warning-it will exhaust you and I am so happy you are up for the excitement (you might have to go to your man cave afterward)! Dyllan will ground us.

The blogging hour

2010-02-17T03:34:00.000-08:00

I have a love/hate relationship to the wee hours of the morning...I wish I could sleep, but I am either sleepless due to all of the thoughts racing around in my mind, or due to physical distress because of the cancer, so 1st off I will update you on the recent status of my cancer...
I had my staples removed from my head yesterday where the Dr did a brain biopsy. The results showed a malignant tumor, and the good news is that it is a spread of the ovarian cancer-meaning that it is treatable-not some inoperable, inaccessable brain tumor-so please pray for the results of my upcoming treatment-which will be radiation for the next 3 weeks, 5 days a week. That is step 1. Beyond that, there is talk of more chemotherapy after the radiation. I am always open to hearing other options, but likely will still default to my Dr's opinion since he his still directing my treatment. Don't take it personally (I get a lot of free advise, and appreciate it).
The thoughts that race around in my mind could fill a book, and that is where you all come in...I am slowly writing it...so comment away on the content that fills this blog, as that is my life and your feedback is the source of my strength. I love reading your comments-if you prefer to remain anonymous, just email me instead.

Recently, through my real estate connections, I had the opportunity to talk to an incoming celebrity. I was so excited to welcome their family to the area, that I called the agent I knew would be working with them and offered my help and my waterfront house-since I see it as such a welcoming introduction to the NW. We are competitors so the offer was rejected and I dropped the enthusiam and the energy directed to this family and focused on the move that I had begun with my family to the healing waterfront house we are in presently. In the past, I could easily have seen the money from the sale of a big house as the driving force to pursue this potential client. My prayers were for an answer that would help heal me and I was surprised at the outcome. I have found beauty and healing amd pure joy in settling here with the family and discovered when your energies are directly towards love, that all things are possible.
Todays thoughts run to support of President Obama-why not go to top)?-why stop at a simple celebrity? The powers of love have carried me through troubled waters. Obama gets so much criticism because of the hard decisions he has to make, but if we all directed loving thoughts towards him and his "enemies" (after all he did win the Noble Peace prize for something) how could the outcome be anything BUT peace? Love conquers all.

Fairytales

2010-02-15T04:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Valentine's Day, our darling Dyllan came home.

Once upon a time...in the kingdom of Mercer Island, Washington, there was born a tiny little princess warrior who arrived 9 weeks before she was baked because she couldn't wait to visit this world and be with her Grandma Kat who was sick. Her parents, Queen Erica and King Dan were both wild and full of heart and humor in the most amazing way, and one could tell that this beautiful creation would be a strong spirit. Her friends had a huge party and showered her with gifts to celebrate her arrival. Her Mommy and Daddy picked up their already busy schedules running their castle, to prepare for her arrival home.
The kingdom was going through some tough times and the castle was needing fortification and Grandma needed help, so Princess Dyllan's parents decided to move in with Grandma Kat and Poppy. There was celebration in the land on the day of her arrival home. An Earthquake and tsunami had recently devestated parts of the earth but the world had come together in unification at the nearby country of Canada and were playing winter games. The love that surrounded her amazed everyone who came into contact with her and even those who just felt her strength through the love that a newborn brings but silently she was healing her sick Grandma...

I invite you to send me your chapter for Dyllan or come down as you have and share with her Grandma your stories. You are all apart of her now and will help her heal her Grandma in love. This is for real! This is your gift to her. Dream big and manifest the results.

Motherhood

2010-02-14T04:31:00.000-08:00

We are the world...I have been reflecting on the birth of my own children since Dyllan came into the world and remembering new connections, even reconnecting to old friends and cherishing the bonds that were formed when such emotional connections were made. They say that is how we learn things in life; to connect them to something that triggers an emotional connection.
My college roommate from way back (I will not say old) emailed me the other day to ask what she could help out with and what Dyllan needs. I have been thinking that Dyllan needs NOTHING, she has it all, but now I have come to realize that she needs what everyone needs, and that is LOVE. She thrives on it. We all do. I realized that my friend's son's name is Dylan and that we now have something new in common-(and I also realized that my Aunt Grace shares this new baby's namesake-so I called her right away because I hadn't even talked with her lately.) My friend's son is a computer wizard and an only child and I need help with my pictures from the last 3 weeks that are piling up in my computer and needing to be organized and it occurred to me that this was the gift that my friend could give-a talent that needs direction in a growing child of her own. Time to spend loving and nurturing a relationship of love that needs rekindling (push each other to be the best we can) with her son. It need not cost a penny, but it would pass on the love.
Touch someone else today. You may not realize what it means just to have someone who cares. Happy Valentine's Day. Dyllan is scheduled to come home today!

Glimpses of Grace

2010-02-13T08:01:00.000-08:00

The book Glimpses of Grace sits on my nightstand with daily devotionals and stories. Even if I don't read it, it reminds me to look for God everywhere.
4 am and I am watching the Olympic ceremonies
7:42 am I have taken 2 tylenol and gotten some sleep, Steve has left to swim at the Bellevue Club-so glad that he has been inspired-and the sun is orange on the horizon
8 am I am rested and not in pain and going soon to see Dyllan Grace

The Winter Olympics

2010-02-13T04:32:00.000-08:00

I love the Olympics! The ceremonies, the songs, the dancing and celebration has always inspired many to achieve more and dream big. It is the world celebrating life and love in unison. The atmosphere is contagious. You cannot watch it without getting attached to the celebration of life and even with fatal accidents, it represents living life to the fullest. Who doesn't want to get caught up in that excitement? We are the World is the theme song and I cannot wait to welcome Dyllan home with that song. We live in a wonderful world.
Last night Kathy made dinner at the house for Cardens and Thorsvigs and us, while I caught up on funny things that seemed highly important to me right now like my "Magic cookie" recipe-(stay tuned, that entry is still in draft form), and getting things ready for Dyllan to come home. Becky came down to distribute money from the last remaining partnership investment finally closing (the end of a chapter), and to visit her feral cat that is being adapted out who resides at Petsmart today, She tried to get a purr out of the cat who squirmed in her arms and moved on when she was unsuccessful to hold Dyllan and run home. A day full of touch and go contacts that touch my life in many ways and warm my heart. Erica asked me what I had accomplished today, and I just wanted to say I participated in life. When I faded on the couch in the early part of the evening I was happy to fall asleep with the inspiration of the opening ceremonies and grateful for all those who shared my day.

New treatment

2010-02-11T23:05:00.000-08:00

There is nothing like new life to make you want to stick around for while longer. Dyllan is my treatment. Our hearts beat as one when I pick her up and hold her. I fed her a bottle of Mom's milk today just after getting out of surgery myself for a brain biopsy that will need attention soon. She spit up a big swallow all over her cute little new outfit. "I know what that is like Dyllan, I do that too, but you have to learn to eat to get strong and get out of here" I tell her. She smiles at me and opens her little bird mouth some more, and then she purrs like a little kitten. It melts my heart, what a gift from heaven. Her tubes and monitors are almost all gone. I hated mine, I couldn't sleep from beeping and bright lights and nurses waking me up all the time for blood test, blood pressure, shots of insulin...The only one left is her feeding tube because she is still developing. The nurses at the hospital love her so much they are happy to take care of her till the end of March when she was due to come home, but like her parents, she a competitor and has to push on and be the best she can be as soon as possible. Love is contagious, pass it on. That is what living life is all about!

I have a dream

2010-02-11T06:21:00.000-08:00

Last night, under the influence of general anesthesia, I got violently ill, then restless remembered my dreams as I slept fitfully off and on, or not at all, with grandiose dreams that nurse Cherie encouraged as she came in to wake me every hour for more pokes and sticks, temperature readings and blood pressure monitoring.
I first remembered my mother and what an influence she had on me growing up, the care she gave me and what I have passed on to my daughter and now to her new baby...then my sister, who is caring for her mother-in-law who had a stoke, in her house where she added a wing.
That lead me to think of our current situation. In order to save money we are combining households and Erica and Dan and baby Dyllan, when she comes home, are moving in downstairs. Like the good ole days, we will take care of each other and help each other reach our goals and be one big family again. Sean rents the Casita next door but we have toyed with selling that and now I see it as a res pit for healing and want to keep it for others to enjoy in transitional phases of their lives. It has been that for our family and others and made a wonderful difference. We don't need a second home, we just go next door and hot tub out on the waterfront and watch the sun come up over Mt Rainier. It is a magically spot where we had Erica's wedding ceremony. The waterfront tranquillity is dream invoking.
I remembered today sketching my 10 yr vision on paper at a Pursuit of Excellence class and there were grandchildren coming down the driveway at our house. Here it is nearly 10 yrs later, and the children are moving back in with grandchild number 1. Dream can manifest themselves. Dream big.

Magic Cookies

2010-02-11T05:34:00.000-08:00

I mentioned to friend Val, who has Celiac disease, that I wanted to make some gluten free cookies for some growing number of people I know who also gluten intolerant. There need to be more healthy food choices for us to grab and go. We scheduled a date to cook in her kitchen and stockpile good food for my upcoming treatments. We had a fabulous afternoon catching up on old times and making good food, but the cookies launched a magic in the connections that took place the following day, most importantly to thank the Doctors who were taking care of me and baby Dyllan (takes me back to teacher appreciation days at school-always good results when you thank the people who make a difference in your life). What those magic cookies did was to connect me to another human being, not just a doctor, but someone who also has a beautiful life, full of children and grandchildren, travel fun, remodeling expertise, photography skills, Yankee fan club, and much more that take me away from my cancer focus so that when I see him professionally, it can be other than hard knocks news.

Here is the recipe. I am planning to start marketing them in the stores (could use your help) and will donate the profits to The Henry Kaplan Research Fund, which you can access via the Swedish Foundation if you want to make a monetary difference to cancer research and a very hard worker. He is the best!
(Nusskuchen)
Magic cookies

1 1/2 C sugar
4 eggs
1 lb. grated nuts (you can buy at Trader Joe in a 1 lb. bag at Trader Joes)

LOVE
Place on parchment or greased cookie sheet and bake 350 degrees, 15 -20 min.

Beat eggs and sugar for 10 minutes. Add nuts.

Still Blury

2010-02-08T22:12:00.000-08:00

In a spontaneous celebration of another glorious day, Cori, Bonnie, Sue, Jean, Penny, Marilyn, and I ran off to Alki Beach to lunch at Cactus, people watch, walk and commune with each other. It truly was spring weather outside but no one expected to see a lone swimmer strip down to his suit and neoprene swim cap and dive in for a swim in the frigid salt water (45 degree) of the Puget Sound. A very striking, tall woman wearing designer sunglasses and strolling along with her split leash and twin lasso apso dogs gathered side glances. A father walked hand in hand with his fire chief toddler son. We all were the beneficiaries of the glorious day without thought or worry of another buck to be made at the office.

My phone rang just as we arrived at Cactus. It was the nurse at preregistration for tomorrow's Hotel Swedish check in. She fired the same old questions at me that I had answered 4x before in the past week! I paced outside the restaurant, not wanting to interrupt the moment, but knowing I needed to prepare for the upcoming event and just get it over with. Any other calls for the day could wait. Brain surgery doesn't happen every day and after all I do want to make sure they get this one right. Name and spelling? birth date? medications? do you have a life directive? are you an organ donor? history of surgeries?...after about 10 minutes and patience running thin, she asked if I had any questions and I realized I had better pay attention because for this event, I had to be responsible for myself-back to reality when I was trying to run away...

Lunch was fabulous, we walked the beach afterwards, checked out a condo-then I could say I was working-and decided it was time for desert, so off to the French bakery off Main St in Bellevue where we talked about Paris and far off countries and other cultures.

Back on the Island, Mylo waited to be walked but Erica offered to take me with her to feed baby Dyllan who has now graduated to a crib. I captured her picture to review the next couple of days when I will be at ICU Swedish and she at NICU at Overlake. Together in spirit we can conquer anything. Steve and I closed the evening with Netflix "Julie and Julia". I will update when out of the surgery fog in a few days.

Dyllans pink shower day

2010-02-07T20:32:00.000-08:00

Dyllan's shower

2010-02-06T22:00:00.000-08:00

Though Dyllan couldn't join us, the day was glorious start to finish. I awoke in anticipation of the big event that we had been planning from conception. It was 3:30 am and I got up to put some things away and make room for the guests we were expecting-some 45 of them, who was doing the balloons? did I put too many people in charge of games? how do we play games with sooo many people? Let Sue, Michelle, and Sarah figure that one out-they had the games under control-(Sarah, I loved that after almost everyone had left, we found the prizes and pink bag game we hadn't played and were able to play with a small group) where should I put the items I have been meaning to return to people when they come to the party? It was too late for planning now, what would be, would be... For some reason, everyone was ready to celebrate the day and welcome the new one as much as I was-perhaps we just all needed a rebirth. I lay down again to try to go back to sleep but it was not going to happen. At 7 am the clouds began to turn pink-a beginning of a pink, pink day, and a beautiful omen of the way the day would unfold. Dyllan rounds were at 9 and then off to help Michelle and Lauren blow up balloons to decorate the party and pick up pictures at Wallgreens. Transformed by the sight of Dyllan in her 1st preemie outfit, laying angelically in her isolate, I opened the Plexiglas portholes that would let me touch my precious angel. 15 minutes and I was recharged and off to take care of details. We filled up balloons and Sandy and I went to the International district to meet Haong, now a part of our extended family-who contributed the spring rolls but couldn't get over to deliver. Jessica prepared specialty foods fit for a queen-spinach and strawberry salad, chicken curry salad, pita breads and roasted vegies. Cori made a spectacular tiered carrot cake that had a table of it's own. Kathy arranged roses from Costco in her Martha Stewart manner, and Jodi pinned on the designer Laura Ashley table pleated draping. Fine china came out of the woodwork that had not had a showing in decades, and smiles were everywhere you looked. Bonnie made a darling diaper cake with preemie pampers and fun baby paraphernalia. Val and Sandy rescued ME from spinning too fast from the adrenaline flow. The results were a huge pile of presents that we barely had time to open, even with Dan's drop in, Mr Wonderful, appearance and active participation. The weather not only cooperated, but was sunny and pleasant enough to expand the party to the outside deck. The energy was enough to send Erica on her way back to Dyllan full of love and milk (she is trying to save up enough so that Dan can take over feeding, thus is pumping all the time) with enough (energy that is)left over to Nanny at 6 pm. What love!

more on the horizon

2010-02-05T22:27:00.000-08:00

Just found out today that I will be scheduled to have another brain biopsy since the the spinal fluid was inconclusive. Next week will be some forced downtime in the recovery room, but with your prayers and miracles on the way I am sure that that time will be minimal. With any luck we will find that the mass is benign and move on to the next spot (which is treatable and small still). Darn this cancer.
I went to yoga tonight and it has relaxed me totally, so I am ready to call it a night and party on tomorrow. Celebrate life. You never know when it might be your last day.

The starting gate

2010-02-05T05:40:00.000-08:00

It feels a bit like the beginning of the Kentucky Derby. The venue is set, the spectators have arrived in all their finery, the stage is set for a stupendous show, and the stands are filling up. The horses are antsy; prancing around nervously as they are lead up to the start gate. A new race is about to start. Dyllan will be coming home soon, but we don't know just when yet, so we will celebrate, as we had intended, by throwing a baby shower at the Casa.

The party connects me to all of the support group that has helped me raise my own daughter, Erica, and reminds me of just how important this new beginning is in all of our lives. It reconnects us with our own surroundings and beginnings and reminds us that we are all interconnected somewhere along the way. The party seems to have a life of it's own-everyone wants a reason to celebrate and be joyful amongst other conceived disasters that complicate our lives.

So many have been helpful in pulling off this party. Erica's friends from as far back as preschool have come out of the woodwork. It takes a community to raise a child. Bonnie has been my business partner now for 17 years and I tend to take her presence for granted. Her children grew up alongside mine. Her sons have both gotten married this past year; Andy, to Michelle-one of Erica's best friends. Bonnie is a super classy lady. She took lessons from her Mom who traveled the world and was widowed early, then a young onset of Alheimers of which she eventually died-(see old blog-July 5th, 2007-Unconditional Love) Memories along the road of life that can obstruct or propel us to live life differently. Bonnie stabilizes the work load while I flit through a turbulent journey. She manages to elegantly compose herself in a world around her that is moving at such a fast pace, and remain calm.

Steve and Sean plod off to ready the house for the party. Steve to Costco to get food, flowers, and move tables, then to paint a new room for Dyllan at the Casa. Sean and Dan are still helping to move things out of our Salem Woods house down to the Casa. I have not lifted a finger in the move. "Just tell me where you want this to go?" "How shall we set this up?" I am sleeping in one house one day, the hospital the next, and the waterfront house the next. Each day my vision morphs to a new reality. We are all doing the best we can at each moment in time, but we need comfort and reassurances from those that surround us to be the best we can be. Energy is contagious-pass on some joy today and watch the results!
The races are about to start. Feel the excitement.

Vortex of the tornado

2010-02-02T22:07:00.000-08:00

The whirlwinds are only slowing down a skosh. This morning-after picking up "magic" cookies from Valerie (gluten free cookies that introduced me to Dr Ryan at the hospital, and got me a personal visit with Dr Kaplan) I had a quick run to get the staples out of my head and talk to the neurologist to see what the plan was for follow up. I feel good but there is still something going on that the Dr's want to be proactive on, so tomorrow I am signed up to get another spinal tap to see what the fluids revele, if anything. Guess that beats going in for another brain biopsy and risking further nerve damage. The unknown is not always bad, so I am optomistic that miracles are happening. I went into the office for a bit afterwards to pretend things could get back to normal and check in with clients, then off to see my precious baby Dyllan as she tried the breast feeding once again. She is now taking all her nurishment from mama's milk but has yet to coordinate the idea of sucking with food and falls asleep after too much stimulation, of which I am responsible for some of. I cannot keep my hands off her long when she opens her eyes and looks at me and smiles! Then my dear friends Marilyn and Cori captured me to go and see Avatar in 3D. That took me to a whole other world and we grabbed a bite to eat at Earls happy hour. Yum. Girls are great for a place to escape and feel loved-don't ever forget your girlfriends! Cori did a duplicate Sinfield episode of loosing the car in the garage, sans goldfish, but after about 1/2 hr we found the stupid car and got home. Fun day. Dyllan got her first sponge bath.

Tornado times

2010-02-01T00:17:00.000-08:00

Feeling in a whirlwind once again as I have been in and out of the hospitals-Swedish for my own testing that keeps coming back "inconclusive" and then Overlake to see my angels-Erica & Dan with baby Dyllan. We are moving back to the waterfront house at 7550 E Mercer Way, (still Mercer Island) and are setting up a downstairs apartment for all when we get our houses rented and feet back on the ground. Every day both in and out of the hospital is a gift. I am learning so much about the power of love.
I have had a few quick trips to the hospital since I wound up with a numb leg and headache and dizziness. Most recently I had a biopsy on some lite up area found in my skull, so now I have staples in my head and inconclusive results-perhaps another test in the wings. Meanwhile I am spending every minute feeling love that surrounds me-cleaning my nest and redying it for a celebration party and baby shower, walking in the mild weather of the best January in decades, and cherishing family and friend relationships. I have told Dr Kaplan to expect a miracle. I am on every prayer chain I can get on and I feel the power. We are not alone on this planet by any means.
Watched the grammies tonight and found power and love in the arts that entertain us and the wonderful way we take care of each other and nurture each other. There is so much to be thankful for.

2010-01-29T22:08:00.000-08:00

Dyllan Grace Newton

2010-01-29T21:47:00.000-08:00

This baby is my treatment and my angel. She is Grace in every way and I thank God for the time we have bonding. My results from last weeks' head scan was inconclusive, so we went for another scan that still showed poor results so on to the next test to biopsy the spot on the brain membrane. I now have staples in my head where it is healing, but it looks worse than it is and I am bouncing back once again fighting right alongside my baby granddaughter, Dyllan Grace Newton. Today I got to hold her without the Bili lights, without her ventilator, and without her IV. Daily more wires are coming off and she is soon going to be a super girl showing us all how to LIVE! I take notes from her everyday and there is no doubt in my mind that she was a gift to help me fight this battle. She is JOY everyday.
We watched the movie "Marley and Me" tonight and it brought many memories back to light if you search past blogs; BAILEY in particular, we could just relive the moments. Now we have grand puppy, Mylo, who is a wild one in her own right. She watched with us and we are anxious to bring Dyllan home and see how she adapts to the new little one. She is very confused right now and being left home alone allot, but in the end I think we will be a very happy family. Life takes some funny turns.

The power of love

2010-01-28T02:06:00.000-08:00

Becky called me to tell me about her feral kittens (5 of them out of 20 that they captured) that she rescued from a homeless camp teaming with generations of felines, none of them spade or neutered. They were wild and scared, and not being immunized, a scene that needed to be cleaned up. She has had them for nearly 2 months and slowly they have warmed up to her attentions and started to purr. Being the foster family, it was now time to look for adoption and she returned them, changed animals, to an adoption center where 3 have now been adopted.

I think about Mylo,my grandpuppy, who goes crazy over a little attention that she is now lacking since Steve is at my bedside, and Erica and Dan are preoccupied with Baby Dyllan, and then I feel the tremendous love that pours in for me with each person who comes to pay me a visit.

We humans need the physical presence and touch of other human beings to be comforted and well. God has taught us to love one another, but our trust in others is often guarded and for good reasons! I have been witness to the effects of unconditional love in the growth of premie Dyllan. Daily she progresses more perfectly than the day before and one can see her melt into a comfort place as she finally, after 3 days, can have contact, skin to skin, with her Mom and Dad. I have no doubts that she will thrive each day-the power of love.

If I can set my fears aside and believe that God (love) is always with me, I can also believe that I am healed. I am empowered by a kiss on the forehead, a massage, a hand held in prayer, and a stedying hand to the bathroom. It makes me want to give back in kind. Like the feral kittens, we can be amazed at the peaceful results of simple loving touches. May God open our eyes to the power of his love for all of us and the world will be a better place. Thank you all for your prayers and healing touch.

Dyllan Grace Newton arrives

2010-01-24T21:09:00.000-08:00

Ok I am out of Swedish Hotel and resting at home-thank God that Dr Kaplan let me out-the waterfront home we have just moved back into is so much more restful I can relax and recouperate. But NO, we get an alarming call at 2 AM-never a good time for a call- one I wasn't expecting for another 2 months. Dyllan is on her way. Daughter Erica and husband, Dan haven't even had their tour of Overlake Hospital, nor have they had the birthing classes they signed up for last week. I have been sleeping lightly anyhow following my own hospital visit at Swedish, but I have been released to wait for test results, so what better way to rest-waiting for my grandchild who is on her way.
3:30 -5:30 and labor is being stopped with drugs to see if Dyllan can mature a bit more before she comes-Erica relaxes a bit and we decide to go home and sleep since it is not far away. Dan and Sean have been up all nite long-they skied at Crystal and then popped in to say "hi" before leaving for the Showbox. Erica had been nannying and was due to pick up Charlie after Tolo. Dan left Sean via taxi when he got the call that his beloved was having trouble moving. Everyone was tired and sleep deprived.
8 am Dan called again to say that the baby was definetly on her way and when we arrived shortly thereafter, she was being given an epidural and in a lot of pain. Her legs went numb as the shot went into her spinal column. "Now I know what you're talking about" she said, as her leg became dead weight. She started to laugh-as much in releif of the pain as the funny feeling that came along with the drug. "I don't know how anyone can do this without the drugs", she said. I kissed her, thinking back on her own birth, memories of the day flooding back and just smiled. Natural childbirth was the way to go back then. We smoked pot, but wouldn't think about drugging our babies unnaturally.
Contractions were slow and far between but Erica couldn't even feel them! We skyped (video communication on the computer) the Newton family in Australia and Marianne and Lionel answered in their pajamas. Lionel continued to entertain us with muscle flexes, poses, and a drawing of the family that Dan had drawn when they were there in December. We laughed as did Kimie, our Korean midwife/nurse who had never seen anything like this before. it was Australia day, Jan 25th, in Australia. Lionel got out his NY Yankees hat and American flag and waved it around. We took the laptop around the room and showed off our suite complete with flowers, food and candles that Karrey had dropped off. Then the pushing started and the mood got more serious. The computer died and we had to call Newtons back between pushes. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10...rest & repeat 3x until the next contraction. Dan was counting backwards. Many pushes later, Dan and I were finally coordinated with our counting and coaching and the baby's head was crowning.
3;30 and there was a light knock on the door. I had been trying to help hold legs, pushing myself, and was getting tired also just watching but wasn't about to give up my position. Steve was at the door. "She is almost here"-story of his life-but he wasn't really up for coming in the room and helping, so back to report to Sean in the waiting room. I had been trying to take pictures (not the indecent type you cannot share) and help at the same time. Not a good time to multitask with a daughter in labor...the camera battery died just as the head was pushing out. I waited for the contraction to die down, then ran to get Sean's I- phone for the final shots. Dyllan let out a little cry-she was breathing on her own-cone head and red, but just perfect. With not enough time to count toes, give kisses, and barely say "hello" we love you, Dyllan was moved to the warm bed waiting for her as a crew of 8 Doctors flooded the room. The Dr gave Erica an episiotomy and smeered her with antiseptic medicine to allow Dyllan to come more gently and with as little stress and germs as possible and she was out! Kimie was an amazing coach and helper, giving Erica a backrub and obviously taking in all the pains and emotions of the moments. "How many babies do you deliver in a day?" Erica asked. About 1 an hour, she answered.
Dyllan was wheeled off to the neonatal room and the 4 of us Sussexes were all to be seen texting our friends and family...

Lab rats

2010-01-22T07:23:00.000-08:00

I was touring open houses in Bellevue with Bonnie and we were finishing up our rounds when my leg started to go numb. Coupled with the dizziness I have been feeling off and on for a few weeks now, I asked Bonnie to steady me on the steps to the car for balance reasons. The leg had the pins and needles sensation which progressed upward to my hip. I waited a few seconds outside the car, flexing my ankle and hoping to regain feeling so that I could balance. Finally I slipped into the low BMW seat and stretched out as much as possible. Since it had been less that 1 week that I had called Dr Hank Kaplan and he had sent me to emergency, I hesitated to call again knowing the results would be the same. I have a life to live, darn it...no time for all this diagnostics! The left leg went nearly numb on me and it felt like I had 50 lbs of weight tied to my ankle. It was just dead weight-I am sure I would have fallen had I needed to put any weight on the leg to walk. Muscles were not working-the gears would not engage. I picked up the leg and dropped it on the car floor-thud-unbeleivable-just moments ago I was fine! Without further hesitation, I scrolled through my address book on my cell phone and called Dr Kaplan-I should have his number memorized by now.

I was admitted to ER around 3PM and after viles of blood had been drawn from my port, vitals had been taken, and 4 staff redundantly had asked my name, birthdate, and reason for being here, I was admitted for further testing to check for possible stroke warning (TIA) and MRI, and wheeled up to the 7th floor for another overnight.

Dr Kaplan appeared at my bedside at 4:45 am to bring me up to speed with the testing of the night before. No stoke-good, but the rest of the news, that I was staying the rest of the day and perhaps another night, did not go over well. The unknown is hard to deal with unless you stick your head in the sand and go on enjoying life. There must be a balance between ignorance and informed living.

I was wheeled through the corridor and down the elevator once again thru the maze of hallways. The staff is a bit confused today. Up in the elevator when we should have gone down, let me eat and drink without noticing the orders not to outside my door, and no robe or slippers. I am so trusting that there is no human error in the hospital, that it feels more like home where I make the choices. Redying for the MRI scan the radiologist, Ben (from Ethiopia) hands me earplugs with the ends twisted. "Put the twisted end in first" he said (I was trying to stuff the expanded end in, but the plug expands once inserted-new technique you old concert goes might want to try.) Then I was arrange like the swaddled baby I saw in the movie "Babies" that I saw with my sister the night before last-or a mummy, but I preferred to think of a comforted baby rather than dead mummy. I haven't done a head MRI before. They put a helmet on you and run you into a cript! At least I didn't have to raise my hands over my head for an hour. The scan was supposed to take 10 minutes and I left Sean, Erica and Dan in my room for a quick minute while I went down the hall. Enroute I joked with the nurse who transported me as he explained that many people are clostrophobic inside the scanning tube-was I clostrophobic? did I want some drugs-ativan-to relax me? The technitian said "oh no, all my scans are at least a half hour do you want some music? "Affirmative, how about classical?" I got earphones and the drawer began to move me into the tube that would do the scan. I closed my eyes and waited for the music. I went back and forth in my mind from swadled babies to fox holes in Vietnam and corpse storage boxes or the old memory of my brother closing me in a suitcase and snapping shut the metal closures. It seemed like hours before the music started-good, at least I hadn't been forgotten, but shouldn't I be coming out? Another 10 minutes and the banging and blaring (like a prisoner on a metal barge-communicating by morse code of hitting a rock against the metal, or sometimes the sounding of a blasting train horn) ceased and the drawer was moving again. An hour later, the nurse would come to get me again because the scanner was broken and I had to repeat the experience (only a short 10 minutes this time). "You have got to be joking!" I know! I couldn't believe it either! What we do for the advancement of science...

Hotel Swedish

2010-01-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

We have moved back to the waterfront. It has such a calming effect on me. I love watching the lights shimmer in columns across the open expanse like golden paths beckoning me to cross. This morning I awoke to see a glimpse of pink that morphed into sherbet pink and orange softness as the sun rose and highlighted Mt. Rainier in her full majesty. Surely a good omen for the surgery that followed.

7:30 am and I was scrubbing down with Hibiclens and rinsing in the warm shower. Nothing to eat or drink, then off to wait for the removal of a growing lump in my vaginal canal. Darn this cancer! So glad to be able to surgically remove it verses chemotherapy and all the side effects that creep into my life afterwards.

8:00 am I am checking in and a caffeinated woman, obviously in a hurry, approaches the desk for information. I wave her in front of me. She is from Port Townsend and has been up since very early morning. Her sister is scheduled to have her baby "turned intravenously" this morning and they are lost in the big city-could she get directions? Veins and vaginal canals...have we new techniques since I was pregnant? This is just sci-fi!
I arrive at my waiting bed; my name and my Dr's name on a card at the footboard. The bed looks as if there is a skinny child underneath the blankets and the top blanket moves slowly. The nurse turns down the bed to reveal a baffeled air blanket heated with warm air. I snuggle down inside and wait, warm as a bug in a rug.
The waiting is always reveling and interesting. The woman next to me is getting an epidural, and my mind goes to birthing days and my grandchild's eminent birth this March. My port is accessed so that they can give me drugs and saline for hydration during and following the surgery. My mind is flashing photos of the chaos and destruction in Haiti. Hurting children, bleeding men and women, missing limbs-no anesthesia, no warm blankets, dirty environment, scared and hungry. I feel so comfortable and confident that I am in good hands. How lucky am I?
11:00 am Finally I am speaking with the anesthesiologist and asking for less narcotics in the general anesthesia they are giving me so that I am not nauseous coming out of the haze.
1:30 PM I am waking up. Things have gone well and as planned. I will reschedule with the Dr tomorrow, but surgery lasted 1.5 hrs as anticipated, so I assume no complications.

Home feels great and I am hungry. Bonnie came down and brought corn chowder at my request. Funny since I have always told her that corn chowder looks disgusting when you are in recovery since it is looks like barf, but I am NOT naseaus and I am hungry and it tastes great. She is good to me. The tulips she brought the night before are now cascading over like a fountain of beauty. Life is good.

Take it to the top

2010-01-09T00:23:00.000-08:00

My long time friend, Val, invited me to attend her 50th birthday party. Granted she is younger than I and challenges me to go to higher levels, but this was a grand way to enter the new year. I had just finished my latest round of chemo on Friday and the party was on Wed. and it would have been easy to bow out since we were setting off on our trip to California, but I took the challenge to snowshoe up the ski slope. Wes offered to be my Sherpa and carry my skies up the mountain for me so that the trip down would be effortless. The day arrived and yes, it was sunny but it was also 19 degrees out. We arrived at Val's house for oatmeal and libations and I found out that many had decided it was too cold, or they had to work, or it was too much of a challenge. I felt vibrant and well to make the trek. There were 11 of us in the end that had the freedom to abandon the working world and go to further heights and we were the recipients of God's beauty and stillness at the top. The report in the morning paper had read "cloudy with a chance of fun". The reached Grand Junction at the top and it was bright and beautiful. We popped champagne corks and mulled wine and out came the cake and balloons and we played games like the kids that we all are with wild abandon and forgot our troubles and worries for a fleeting day. We summited. I challenge you to be make the most of your days and I promise you will find beauty. Thanks Val for turning 50 and still teaching me to find the child within.

Time to take a different tack

2009-12-29T20:44:00.000-08:00

In sailing when the wind shifts, you tack (or jibe). You make a change in your course direction and adjust the sails, or you suffer the results of being "dead in the water" or way off course of your original destination. I have to create visuals in order to mobilize myself, or else I am stuck repeatedly reciting the 23rd Psalm; "Yea thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me..."

Last night Dr Kaplan called with the scan results. My resistant cancerous spot on the lungs continues to resist and grow. It is time to make a new plan. We are going to radiate the bugger! I am in the process now of finding out what that entails, and who is going to do it, and when. Just as the New Year dawns.
Taking that to another level, I called on one of my current clients and pushed a new plan. After nearly one year, our marketing efforts have not closed the deal and a change is needed. I signed up a new listing and reached mutual acceptance on another. Some plans work, others need shifting around.

Sundown

2009-12-17T23:22:00.000-08:00

The sun has set. Winter is here, yet here I am in sunny Southern California and the scenery is absolutely breathtaking. I awake to sunshine and the temperature is over 70 degrees. I have seen the police busy making arrests, the stress of holiday shopping, and road rage, but at the end of the day there is a promise of a new dawning. Such a dichotomy.
The surfers were in Lunada Bay in droves. Mylo wanted to run down the cliff side trail with a dude and his surfboard; she could feel his excitement and wanted to test out the waves herself. Steve yanked her back, worried she would hurt herself, or worse, take him down with her. Good thing he had the extenda leash, not the hands free one you clip to waist. I started thinking...how does one learn to manage a cliff side? Why are some more cautious than others? Who is in charge of dampening or brightening your spirit? We all need a little of natures' beacon to call us to move celebrate life. May the Christmas spirit of giving and celebrating God's promise of new life, be with you all this holiday season, and may you take time to rest and rekindle a warm and loving atmosphere.

Desolation Sound

2009-09-28T19:44:00.000-07:00

I find so many analogies to life from sailing. I have blessed new couples with smooth sailing notes, but honestly there is nothing like getting out there on the water and escaping from all the niceties of the world and roughing it! I had the opportunity to join my brother and cousin on an adventure in British Columbia for a week and returned to get my scan today.

We flew up to Big Bay in the N end of Desolation Sound and landed in the mist, drizzle and fog of a storm that would last 2 more days. We docked overnight and hiked up to a local lake where we found a community rowboat to explore the tranquil waters. We left the planning of each days journey up to my brother who has navigated these waters before. I read the history and found it to be very interesting. Big Bay had a new fishing resort and 3 helicopters a day disrupted the peace and quiet of the harbor.
We dropped anchor in a new harbor each evening and explored old rock quarries, logging sites, and fishing spots. We left Octopus Islands, made it through the dangerous strait at slack time just in time to meet with 8 foot waves and 38 knot winds! I wasn't scared because 15 feet off the bow of our boat were 3 Orca whales and my attention turned immediately to their siting. 1 very slow hour later we were in the shelter of Rebecca Spit and it was only then that my brother told us how nervous he was, and my cousin said he nearly puked.
At night the stars came out in force as there were no competing lights to brighten the night sky. I dreamed of old days when navigators relied on stars to chart their course. We made up pirates' names for our crew-Captain Stonefish, First Mate Flatulence, and Princess ... We had a fabulous computer system that told us depth, distance and weather and nearly ran the boat on automatic pilot.
One evening while I was at the bow dropping anchor, our fearless captain backing the boat to snag the anchor, we snagged the painter of the dinghy around the propeller. If that wasn't enough, the cold bay was full of millions of jellyfish. I called to the 2 other boats to see if anyone had a wetsuit, to no avail. As the sun was setting fast, I made the decision to get my swim goggles, round up some long under ware to protect myself as much as possible, and dive down to untangle the mess-hoping for the best. A dozen dives later, I had cut the untangled a the loose rope, cut through one loop with a knife, and was too chilled to continue, so relinquished the duty to my cousin. He made some progress, but also failed to complete the task. Time was of the essence and our fearless Captain finished the job in on strong tug and we celebrated and went to bed sleeping very well knowing that we could keep our schedule another day.
We spotted deer on land, harbor seals in the harbors, dolphins in the ocean, and eagles in the sky and felt a sense of freedom you don't feel on land. We cleared customs at Roche Harbor in the San Juans, and met our spouses there, ate a fabulous dinner at the Hotel de Haro, and Steve & I spent the nite in luxury at the new hotel addition. It was a perfect way to end the trip as the weather turned once again from sunny and bright to drizzle and cloudy. Each day a new dawning.

Insurance woes

2009-08-19T07:35:00.000-07:00

Last nite I picked up a call, a sobbing voice on the other end of the line. The cast from the Seafair weekend accident had come off and now surgery is deemed necessary immediately. Taxes are due, and the bills from the emergency visit are demanding payment. While other of my daughters rich friends are plunking down money on their first house, this one is learning the insurance lesson the hard way. Suggestions that she ask me for help with our homeowners insurance liability come up. I try to stay level headed. I have just come out of another chemo treatment that morning. I want to reach over the line and just give her a big hug. This is Nothing! But to a 27old with no steady job, no insurance and bills with no end in sight, it is everything.
It's late, but I pick up the phone to ask my doctor friends their opinion on how to deal with hospital bills. I think I should have learned the lesson years ago when we had a wake board accident and a guest fractured his jaw. Those kids in their 20s think they are invincible, but I remember the simpler days when I was one of them and quite invisible myself.

Yoga Sunday

2009-08-18T23:44:00.000-07:00

9;30-Hydrate, dress, get ready early because class fills up quickly. I run around the house collecting towel, drink, yoga mat-which have all chaotically migrated to all ends of the house-it's been a long time since I have done this for myself.
Our instructor starts the class out with child's pose, and a low monotone voice, gently taking us inward, focusing on our breathing. It is a good class for me. Lots of continuous movements, but plenty of time to meditate and stretch also.

I took Mo to the farmer's market after class. We both laughed as I said Erica and I had quite a view from our upward dog directly into the open crotch of exposed pantyless erotica. I commented on the instructor's views as he walked the class and touched sweaty bodies, moving them into more strenuous poses. Mo said "you know there isn't one person who doesn't have a crush on the instructor". I started to negate the comment. Don't we all need to be encouraged at the this state by an attentive touch and soothing words? "Does that feel OK-how is that for you now?.... Oh yeah! Yoga Bliss...

Seafair weekend

2009-08-18T23:03:00.000-07:00

It's the weekend of the year the kids would not miss. They return home like Capistrano swallows to do their thing on Lake Washington. I pray harder each year for their safety over the drunken 3 day weekend. I remember calmer days as the activities were building and the Blue Angels started their flying shows; after all, they are the thunder in the air-the stars of the show.
This year we have a new dock and once again everyone is home-Dan and Erica (who is taking her turn as designated driver and responsibly refraining from drinking) too. Tyler and Tyler (he now has a 1 year-newborn baby at the wedding) have each moored their boats at the dock. Holsteads are at the Casa. They all head out...I get a calm call from Erica at 8PM not wanting to alert me or set me into panic mode. She and her girlfriend are on their way to emergency-her girlfriend sliped getting off the boat onto our new dock. Thank God the sign the kids posted did not produce resutls. "Boat moorage for Seafair $600". Erica's girlfriend ends up with (no insurance) a broken thumb, arm cast, cracked rib, and a what appears the next day when I get a look at it, to be a dozen stitches for a deep gash in her right leg-no insurance for pain pills. Ouch! We made it thru another year!
I participated this year-heading out from our awesome party at the Dierickx's house on Backes' boat before the final hydroplane laps. It's been years since I've been to the front line-log boom. We are bombarded with water balloons and water guns that nearly miss us-the day is in the 90's so the cool spray is welcomed. My back pains still alert me that the white cells are being manufactured up the spine marrow, but the pain is minimal and I can hop in the water and float around without worries. The chemo is working. I can feel results!
Yoga is in order SOON.

Sailing

2009-08-04T06:52:00.000-07:00

Part of going AWOL is getting away from the interruptions of the day-the cell phone, the computer, and people who demand your attention (they would even if you were in a yoga class)-so sailing is an amazing experience with new focus. Originally we talked of doing an overnight to Pt. Townsend (another great escape) but it seemed no one had the time-too many commitments...The list of those who were able to join us dwindled, and eventually there were 5 of us left including my brother, Robin and wife, Karen, Debbie, my friend from Japan (well that was nearly 40 yrs ago), Sue (our children grew up together (that was nearly 30 yrs ago-the kids are married now), and ME, and Deb's dog, Delila.
We arrived at the Everett marina after blueberry pancakes and a goodbye to Dad, and Hanna and Dean who leave from Bellingham today to fly home to San Diego. We packed combined picnic lunch of smoked salmon, pasta salad, special banana bread, sub sandwiches, chips and bottle of wine. Since the winds are always unpredictable, Rob suggested we eat while the boat was still flat, so we chowed before heading out into 16 knot winds. The weather had cooled from Seafair hot week to the 80's. I donned my sweatshirt but left the bald head exposed for a dose of vitamin D. The day did not disappoint us as we glided by the buoy we saw a lonely sea lion basking in the sun flanked by huge navy ships seemingly abandoned.
Each of us got a lesson on sailing the boat and careless abandon lead to serious concentration of the power of the wind. The expressions on the faces changed and we spoke of scary times in our past, death, and things that we fear. The music took us to the 70's and 80's and I noticed with some anticipation that individuals would isolate themselves and drift off into thought mesmerized by the waves, water, and sparkling sunshine reflection. The enormity of the world dissected into one small and beautiful segment for us to revel in and reflect on. Both the time out and learning moments were gifts to the beauty of the day. We laughed without abandon and headed into lighted breezes between Camano and Whidby Islands-Saratogo Passage.
Six hours passed quickly. Robin docked perfectly, backing his 47 foot sailboat into his slip surrounded by equally expensive boat and new dock at the marina. We headed to Skuttlebutt, the local brewery, for a great dinner of shrimp, fish and chips, and local beer.

TEAM SUSSEX

2009-07-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

I have been sidetracked with many things but this weekend marks the 2rd annual (and biggest ever) TEAM SUSSEX walk for the cure at the summer run. Still time to sign up at www.summerun.org and go to team sussex. I am so elated to have you all on board and feeling uplifted once again at all the support I continue to get each year this battle goes on.

An update on my treatments...I am currently undergoing chemo treatments for a persistent spot on my lung. We are changing up the drug since it seems to be resistant to the last chemo I was taking. I have been struggling with the whole concept of feeling sick when I have chemo, and feeling great in between. Why is all this necessary? Can't I just get a break? Yesterday I went in for the second dose of the new treatment (cisplatin and gemzar-or some such thing) and wasn't over the nausea from the week before. I was cured almost immediately when the doctor sent me home without more chemo (my white blood count was too low). I am told to rest, but I don't feel like it...I am told to eat, but I don't feel like it...and what am I supposed to eat anyways? There just aren't enough statistic es to prove anything about a cure or we would all be doing it-believe me!

My positive braclets are helping, but they go missing all the time. Even I haven't been able to stay on track for 21 consecutive days. I am going awol from work. Just escaping from the life I have been living and trying to find something more satisfying. I love the sunshine we have been blessed with. It highlights natures best-the water sparkles like diamonds, the trees shade feels like such a retreat and listening to the rustling of the leaves means that a breeze is coming through-it cools my sweaty bald head-I run around with sweet abandon-wigless. The plants respond vigorously to the sunshine and blossoms turn into fruit. I can't get enough of the sweet yellow tomoatoes, the blueberries, lettuce, and now blackberries are beginning to ripen. This is my favorite time of year! Come play with me.

Merry go round

2009-06-17T23:24:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have been on the merry-go-round for a big whirl now and I am ready to get off and get my balance. Enough is enough and besides I am dizzy and feeling motion sick. Hopefully July 1st scan will verify that the tumors are zapped and I can have a reprieve. It has been somewhat of an out of body experience listening to the everyday issues that seem so mundane and unimportant. I think that my listening skills have improved.

I have started (and restarted) using my bracelets for the 21 day challenge and would invite you all to try this with me (I can get you a bracelet). The challenge is to speak positively for 21 days consecutively. If you get caught speaking (you can think negatively-come on-we are human) negatively, then you have to move the bracelet to the other wrist and start the 21 days over again. It takes the average person 7-9 months to make it 21 days. If I surround myself with positive people it influences me also! We all win. Blog me back with how you are all doing...I have started over a few times already.

On another positive note-the summer run is off to a good start and that is another challenge. For some of you, it is just the ticket, and others too big a challenge-so maybe start with the bracelet first and then get to the physical challenge. Mind, body, spirit-we need it all to be whole.

Blessings.

Summer run part 2

2009-06-15T14:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am getting jazzed up about being the best I can be again. The summer run puts competition for a cause and celebration of life together for me with a positive outcome-besides, it's my life we are funding research for! Today it is all about all of you chellenging yourselves along with me and inviting your friends and family to do the same for a cause that will make a difference to lives to come (and probably someone you know). So sign up now on Team Sussex www.summerun.org

Summer Run kick off

2009-06-10T14:34:00.000-07:00

Last night was the 3rd annual (for me) kick off for the Marsha Rivkin ovarian cancer run that continues to inspire me to new heights. The Rivkin center was established by Dr Rivkin (Swedish hospital oncologist) who lost his wife to ovarian cancer. The funds raised by this running event he puts on, fund new research that is keeping me alive today. It is inspirational to hear the speakers at this event that include survivors, research doctors, Dr Rivkin and his family, and all the support team who are helping set up web sites, doing the volunteer work, and most importantly raising fund for the cause. The run is on July 26th and I wanted to let you all know so you can join in the fun and party afterwards. Mark your calendars now, and check the progressing website to join Team Sussex www.swedishsummerun.org .

2009-06-04T01:38:00.000-07:00

2009-06-04T01:29:00.000-07:00

2009-06-04T01:19:00.000-07:00

week in LA

2009-06-04T01:05:00.000-07:00

Sleepless again

2009-06-04T00:03:00.000-07:00

The weather change has been like a time zone change and I find myself thinking of everything under the sun that I need to do before next chemo (and last!) this coming Tues, June 9th. Mostly I am planning my future and those plans seem so inconsistent when my body isn't up to doing all that my mind has planned for it.

First off, a catch up on the California week last week; even with June gloom and reverse weather conditions (I thought I was going to soak up the sun and turned out Seattle had the incredible weather and LA rained) I had a fabulous time. Success was the word for the reunion of 4 of us classmates who had not all convened since 1969-young and influential 7th graders we were at the time. From different corners of the world we came with youthful strengths and dreams; together a power to be reckoned with. We have been pillars of strength for each other in various ways and shared secrets like the Ya Ya Sisterhood that only those from ASIJ (American School in Japan) could understand. This is the start of a new book.

Dad was the gracious host in Palos Verdes Estates. We had our week full of family connections: Eileen (youngest of 5 siblings) and daughter, Natalie, just 2 years old, shopped for belated birthday present and later completed a pair of mosaic flip flops with Debbie (my best friend from Japan who stayed with us for the long weekend). Steve and I did our usual Real Estate tour along the beach communities and walked the Strand once again. The ocean pulls each time I visit, I feel I am meant to be on the water. I had to get my fix by climbing down the bluff across from Dad's house on Thursday. There I found shell treasures, young people out on an adventure (the only ones who venture down the cliff side are either surfers, scuba divers, or homeless people it seems-certainly not for the week in the knees) driftwood huts and fire pits, and rotting seal carcases! After nearly tripping over several and hearing that there were a dozen more up ahead, I headed up a new-to-me trail about a mile down the beach. Near the top it got steep enough to grab a rope that was tied to a root up the hill and, with 3 shells in tow, I managed to reach the top without dropping anything (cell phone included). I called Steve to tell him I was headed home and safe on the road again. He always thinks I get too close to the edge so I cannot take him with me anymore. Sunday we took a road trip to San Clemente to visit Warren, wife Claire, and daughter Sheri (Jena is in Tanzania-a travel bug like me) and Karen and son Dean met us there for lunch coming up from San Diego. We visited the Farmer's Market historic Casa Bonita (correct me please I know that is wrong), then checked out a few open houses along the beachfront. We stopped at the Wayfarer's Chapel and crashed a wedding on the way home.
Monday we made the trek downtown to the fashion district to buy some bling and fashion statements with Maggie, and had lunch with Susan (the other 2 musketeers from Japan days), at her restaurant, The First Cup.
4;30 am Tuesday came all too soon as we caught the plane home to sunny Seattle.

A Rollin' Stone Gathers no Moss

2009-05-25T00:05:00.000-07:00

That's what we used to sing as kids along with the records we played, and now I actually get it! I was thinking how stuck I could get just laying in bed and succumbing to the sick feeling that I awoke with-hoping that if I just pulled the covers back over my head the bad taste in my mouth would just go away. After awhile of missing master swim workouts, not running, feeling too dizzy to either drive or ride my bike,not seeing my friends who have gone off on vacation, and feeling sorry for myself, I rolled out of bed and began making appointments with people I knew would get me going in the morning. Not to mention that this is the nicest weekend and great introduction to the glorious summer that is ahead of us...9am and the skies were dark and the heat of the previous day had dissipated to a cool cloudy morning as we launched the kayaks. The water was not glass as I had hoped, but Sandy met me beaming with enthusiasm for a sport she had not attempted before. The eagles soared overhead and we headed across the lake to see if we could find turtles on the eastern banks of the Lake. Nearly a half hour later and many giggles and photos on Sandy's new phone (glad she didn't drop it in the water) later, the sun burst through the clouds and we were off to a grand weekend. Penny called me to get Mylo, my granddog who is visiting while her parents are off to the Gorge camping and partying, out for a walk with her dog Marley. When you have a dog you have to get out for walks or listen to them bark-in Mylo's case. She has ceaseless energy when it comes to fetching balls.
The later part of the day saw more traffic on the lake which Sean accommodated by taking me out on the boat. Then back to the Casita for a barbecue. It doesn't get much better.
Now that I have cleaned up a few of those 100/day emails, I can get ready to leave town for California to be assured of sunshine (altho I hear that the weather is staying nice here-it figures) for the entire week I will be gone.
How fast does the stone have to roll to gather no moss? I was imagining a feather being tossed in the air and watching it float slowly to the ground. Or a maple tree whirley that swirls around and around; each eventually end up on the ground unless caught by another breeze and tossed into the air again, only to gather moss when they finally settle.

Windows Live Hotmail

2009-05-12T00:21:00.000-07:00

Windows Live Hotmail

This is the process. Can you tell the difference? Yeah-new hair.

Mother's Day

2009-05-11T23:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the perfect day! Dan called me early in the week and asked whether I wanted breakfast, or dinner, or both-and began the plans for the day. It was decided that we would meet early for a bike ride (I am so glad the weather cooperated and the sun was shining brightly) and stop at the Roanoke for breakfast. The whole family attended and we rode leisurely around the Island stopping for bloody marys, pancakes, omelette's and coffee. Steve wanted to know who was getting the truck and picking him up, but since it was my day we all continued around to finish the 13 mile loop.
Robin had promised to take us sailing if the weather cooperated but the gang didn't all want to come along so I called Sandy to see what her plans were and she slipped away to join us on the boat from Everett Marina. It was a calm day and we motored out of the harbor past lazy seals on the buoy toward Hat Island and Camano and the wind steadily picked up as the day went along. Rob showed me how his fancy computer system works to guide the boat (I did wonder if anyone could get us back if he fell overboard and we had to tack around a pick him up). We were engrossed in the I tunes he had on the computer and my theme song for the yer was readily available-"Lively up yourself" (Bob Marley). We drank wine and told jokes and caught up on family gossip as we reminisced about MOM. We had a gut busting, pee in your pants, moment-times like that don't happen every day, and we cruised back into port as the clouds rolled in.
Sean, Erica and Dan were preparing dinner at the Casita, and I invited extra guests-Todd & Sandy, Karen and Robin. We stopped at the store to add to the menu (I believe in the loaves and the fishes-somehow the food always seems bountiful), but I am sure my spontaneity leaves some in the lurch. Fortunately no one freaked out, stayed calm and flexible, and made my day the best ever!

Visit to Anton's

2009-05-11T23:32:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday I visited Antons Hair shop with Bonnie. I know that in less than a week my hair will start to fall out again, so in anticipation, I decided to check out saving it this time and getting a wig of my own hair. From a previous visit, I knew that I would have to set an appointment to get it shaved this time so that it could be transformed as it came off into a wearable piece just like the style that I had so recently become accustomed to. This was Bonnie's first visit, and Steve, Sean and I had been joking about how Bonnie's red hair might be incorporated into my wig. We decided that taking the bangs would be best and I suggested that when Kurt was explaining the procedure to us. Momentarily Bonnie managed a nervous laugh as she contemplated the thought of having a mohawk for her upcoming son's wedding (just the position I was in just under a year ago). Then I suggested we both shave our heads and get two identical wigs-then we would really confuse people...We shared laughs and took before pictures. We will see if you all can tell when the wig replaces the fixed hair. Maybe this time I will be the wiser.

butterflies are free to fly, fly away

2009-05-11T23:23:00.000-07:00

I stopped short as I headed out on my walk the other day with Mylo and Steve. Something caught my eye. It was a butterfly that had just alighted on the bush by the gate on my way out. It's wings were beautiful tones of brown, gold and yellow, but it's body had threads of teal green and deep blue. I had been studying the colors of silks for a project that Jodi and I are working on, and the color combinations were captivating, but the butterfly symbolism was seridipitous. The project is now formulated in my minds eye-wedding boxes-made from silk and sybolic of a beautiful fleeting creature.

Bloody Boogers

2009-05-06T04:09:00.000-07:00

Life and death (blood and crust) all in one-what symbolism-that is what I wake up to at night. A sure sign that chemo is working again, and a symptom that I don't read about, so that merits documentation-aren't you all glad to read about it! It tends to be annoying, but I can sluff it off, blow it out, and be renewed. Action, progress, and much better than getting sick to my stomach. Wonder what is going on in the rest of my body...I am feeling less nauseous by the day and planning on getting my butt out of bed to go work out this morning. I have lost a bit of weight getting an appetite back again, but feeling good about that too. What a way to get in shape.

As for the mental aspect of repeating this process, I need to progressively remind myself of the benefits of readjustments in life. The time to reconnect with friends who have been through their own trials and tributes in this state of the economy-it's phenomenal! Relationships are stressed with times of financial downturn, people are out of jobs, the swine flu is going around (quit kissing pigs you guys and wear your masks-they do in Japan). We are afraid to get on a plane to sunny destinations because we are sparing our money and afraid of exposure, and it pours rain here intermittently with sucker patches lengthy enough to get a good walk in if you just seize the moment. Aunt Elise, I loved your email about getting drug in historic past. Today, the drug scene is meth labs, but yesterday it was about being drug to church for on Sunday, drug down the street to help a neighbor with their garden work, and drug to the bedroom to think about it if by chance you took a dime to help and you were caught by your parents for not doing the deed for free. What a change are country has seen.
External forces are easier to deal with than internal abnormalities. External forces we can fortify ourselves against, but internal come as such surprises, and we feel helpless. That is when we have to turn to emotional strength and glimpses of the grace of God; our spiritual side. It is a return to the whole makeup of the body. Too often we get comfortable with thinking we have control over our lives and forget to nurture and balance the other makeup of our beings. I love the offerings of friends who have dealt with adversities (and we all have whether we care to admit it or not) and their glimpses of beauty. I mentioned dancing to a dancing fool friend of mine when she called, and she invited me to her next Salsa class-I can't wait to go- "If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance"...

Up to Bat

2009-05-03T21:32:00.000-07:00

I ventured out on a walk with Mylo today to take advantage of the sunshine, though I could have just stayed curled up in bed and rested a few more hours until it was time to hold our new listing open. The youngster, Mylo, could have been a royal pain since we went to see the boys play their first softball league game (no practice 1st, just guts and glory) and ball playing means barking a getting really excited for Mylo...We made it without pulling or yanking on the leash and fully obeying in the offleash part of Pioneer Park, all the way to Lakeridge ballfield with balls flying everywhere. We sat on the bench and just behaved ourselves until our boys were up to bat. We had scrounged mitts just before gametime and the team barely looked pulled together. No one had showed for the cheering section. We sat on the bench and watched as the score mounted to 4 to 15. Sean got up to bat, got a great hit, and Mylo barked her approval-I think she really wanted to go out and field the balls that were getting away from everyone, but the bubbles were distracting her from the nearby toddler sitting on the hillside (with bubble blower) into the wind. Fly ball-caught by 2nd base man-1st out. Once again it occured to me what a difference a fan can make in the energy of any preformance. I will rally a fan group for the next game guys, but good effort and I know you had fun. Your energy was contageous-the open house went really well and the sunshine stayed out the entire time. Way to go.

Life is anything but static

2009-05-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

Message of the day indicates that we don't grow in a static state. I am out of my comfort zone again. Accepting help, knowing that we have to rely on each other at times, and out of control mode. My body says rest and the surroundings have set me upside down. My phone is new and not working perfectly-it has windows and all the fancy stuff so that one device works the entire process. Trouble is, the print is so small that I have to get glasses out or just guess....

Home Recovery

2009-04-30T23:36:00.000-07:00

Wow to be back here again is a deja vu. One year ago the day of the Guilda's Fashion show I was off for chemo just after the show, now here we go again. The day of the show where I hosted the table and off for round 3. To top it all off, Bonnie and Erica are off and we have a new listing...Thank God for all the friends that I have to help me at any sign of my weakness. Or just because they love me. Love you all. The treatment went well, I had visitors and played games, then went to sleep for a couple of hours at a time before the nurses would interupt and take my vitals and check meds. I felt I could run the show since this was old hat, and I estimated my own urine output, asked for my own wristband that they had forgotten, and changed my weight on the whiteboard that they son blatantly put up for all my visitors to see! Today I signed up a new listing and so my friends, come on and help me sell it! We need this economy to move! The day was beautiful, and I walked Mylo around the block a few times to catch the fresh air and sunshine. she is always up for a good walk. My feet don't hurt! Unbelievalbe! Look what chemo does. Late this afternoon, I started to slump. Food arrived, and Robin came over to help me get my home office running again. I think it is time to sleep.

Namaste

2009-04-29T06:47:00.000-07:00

"The light within me honors the light within you". I feel your energies here in the hospital, and I call on them with a deep breath as the nauseous feeling takes over and the nurse rattles on about the toxicities of the cisplatin that is being infused. "It's gold" I keep repeating to myself as I take a deep breath and slowly release it and all the toxins that I am holding inside. It is almost 7 am and I have been up since 5:30, and awaken ever 2 hours for changes in drugs, vitals, and can you believe it? weight-which they then wrote on my white board...I think I will go and change that one now!
The sun keeps trying to come out today. I have the most beautiful view of the Seattle skyline, Smith Tower, Columbia Center, University Women's Club, and the just rippling waters of the Puget sound beyond the loading cranes and docks. I have had visitors and callers to wish me good luck, and a few that had no notion that I was in the hospital-business as usual. My cousin called and said my grandma was living her final hours and not expecting to make it but for a few more days. Her 93rd birthday is May 8th-a trip to Florida to see her now would be out of the question-I'll call her and see if we can talk. Steve drove me here, Cori dropped in (I apologize for being on the phone so long), and the kids came in to play games. All great distractions, but there is no quieting my mind for long.
The Guilda's Club luncheon was emotion evoking as I recalled my walk last year down the runway and remembered a fellow model who did not survive the year. The final walk accompanied by the uplifting song "I will survive" brought tears to my eyes as small children twirled in their dresses (leukemia/lymphoma cancer patients), and an 89 year old nearly skipped down the catwalk pumping her arms in victory. Hope and a promise...

warrior to battle

2009-04-25T21:42:00.000-07:00

I am getting all the chores done that I haven't gotten to and trying once again to clear out clutter and simplify my life before going to battle. I declined a doctor visit with Dr Kaplan and said just to book me for the recommended treatments and get it over. I cannot imagine the old days when warriors were headed to battle and saying good-bye to loved ones (though I am far from there yet), getting their lives in order and armor on-oh the sleepless nites!

Preparing for Round Three

2009-04-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

I had a PT scan last Tuesday and the technician told me that she would have the results to Dr Kaplan the next morning. She, of course, couldn't tell me anything about the results, so wait I did. Next morning I got an offer on the duplex we have listed for sale, and I was frazzled because I didn't have the keys for the unit I wanted to show and I was 5 minutes late. The meeting was intimidating as I was hit with a low offer, but I had to realize, that is the market, and at least it was an offer. I raced from class to my cancer network monthly lunch and made it in time to eat the end of Ellie's salad. Perfect for my new-get back on track-diet. Bill and Elaine (sister and brother in law) were arriving for our first Mariners baseball game, and the weather had changed from sunny to sprinkles (20 degree temp drop). I returned from a losing game to a missed phone call from my doctor-he would call back tomorrow.
Next morning I skipped swimming to relax and enjoy breakfast with our company before they left only to be interruupted from my sudoku game to my blackberry alarm telling me I had a 3 clock hour legal update class in an hour in Bellevue. I grabbed a banana and kissed everyone goodbye racing out the door. The class was great, my offer got better, and I finished my sudoku successfully and waited for the Doctor call until 11:30 and falling asleep, joined Mylo (our grandpuppy) and Steve, in bed.
This morning the sun was out, not only did I get a signed deal on the duplex, making my financial picture brighter, but Bonnie and I have another deal in the works that appears to be going to close, yet the word of the scan still weighed heavy on my mind. Two walks with Mylo later, and back to the office for more paperwork, and then home again. The family gathered and milled around for dinner and the call came in. Results: there are new tumors on the liver and lymph nodes on my neck, so I will be back to chemo treatments next week. I am visualizing the hammer coming down on the little buggers harder this time, and I will be back even stronger. Stay tuned.

Flying High

2009-04-21T04:09:00.000-07:00

Wish I had a picture for this one, but Steve took it on his cell phone and I don't yet know how to get it out of that box...
Steve and I went down to my brother, Todd's house last Sunday to celebrate the spring birth dates of my 2 brothers, niece, brother-in-law, and nephew. We are not doing presents anymore due to the economy, but we never fail to find reasons to feast-as if last weeks Easter feast wasn't enough. This time we arrived early so that I would not miss a ride on Todd's newly painted kit airplane (Steve still won't venture out in this plane and is scared to have me fly either and constantly kids about the leftover screws).
Todd and I were both eager to get up in the air, and I had no expectations for the trip other than a buzz over Crest airfield where Todd lives, since that is what every other waiting person has gotten. But, I was there early, and no one was waiting, nor were there any inclement weather warnings so Todd must have decided to show me the best time-something I would remember.
We climbed into the 2 seat er plane and seat belted ourselves in as Todd explained the instrument panel in front of us and put on his headphones, and Steve stood by taking pictures on his cell phone (I was surprised he was even watching). We taxied down the runway, lifting off and turning south toward majestic Mt Rainier. We had to get out of Kent first and sailed at 175mph over a multitude of lakes with beaver debree-no boats yet-sprawling farms, and a few small towns that dissipated into wilderness, all the while the sun smiling brightly on us. I simply asked if Todd ever flew by Mt Rainier and he must have took it to mean I wanted to go in that direction because we headed straight for it in it's full glory. The summit was circled by linen white fluffy stacked clouds that Todd explained meant there were high winds and we shouldn't get too near, nevertheless we weaved through mountain tops closer than I had imagined we would as I recalled the days before I learned to drive when Todd fearlessly took me for 360 spins in his Austin Healey on ice in the parking lot. Perhaps to ease any tension I might have, Todd explained we had plenty of room above the treetops, and were staying right within the valley so as to have ample room for turning around. As we approached I could see the glaciers on the mountain and was in awe of the deep turquoise blue coloring I had only seen once before from a cruise ship in Alaska. The avalanche danger was so much more apparent from this angle. "Where is Crystal ski area",I asked, and Todd banked the plane. "Do you think anyone is climbing?", and he showed me the ridge past Paradise where climbers would be, but we saw no one. I could imagine the assent to the summit, the heavens, but remembered the comment about the clouds and winds and avalanche danger and was glad no one was out risking their lives. I turned my head to see a huge waterfall cascading down the mountain as we cruised through another valley, then suddenly I saw 3 white mountain goats jumping up the rocks and excitedly pointed them out to Todd who immediately turned abruptly around leaving my stomach in my throat only to find they had hidden from sight. "Last week I saw a herd of elk" he said, and we headed in the direction they had last been sited. "Look down there, there is an airfield, see the white strip?" It was covered with snow and we headed down as if to land...a near touch and go, I held my breath, and we headed up again. Beautiful! Out of the valley between the forested mountains, we banked south and spotted the herd of elk laying in the field. Todd returned to buzz the herd who pretended not to see us and lay lazily in the sun. Amazing that you found them again! Wow. It had been nearly an hour, and I was sure that Steve thought we must have crashed, but we landed without a bump from the most amazing ride of my life. Thanks Todd, for a beautiful gift. You are extremely talented.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T22:16:00.001-07:00

Dressed in green, curly hair, wonderful friends, great family, and enough...I have it all. Business is picking up though it has been a dry spell since I have had a paycheck, I am trusting in God to provide enough. Lately I am feeling like I can begin to plan further ahead than 2 days. I think 6 months ahead. The rain begins to get me down and then it snows beautiful, huge, white flakes and everything is clean and fresh.
The next Guilda's Club Fashion show is coming up in May and I will be hosting a table, so let me know if you would like to attend so I can get an invitation out to you. I will not be modeling like last year, but appreciating the lunch and views of todays models who are living with cancer. We lost a great friend who modeled with me last year. Another friend who moved to Vermont passed away just last month after a very expediant battle with cancer. There are new research projects on the horizon that will change the next generation. I am hopeful. Join me when you can in making a difference for someone with cancer.

Quick update on the Insurance

2009-01-23T22:05:00.000-08:00

Great advice from the peanut gallery and I now have had my next Avastin treatment last Wednesday and it was approved for six more months! I still need to go back to them again and get approval for the Oct and Nov treatments that I haven't been authorized for, but that seems to be something only I am still concerned about. Thanks for all your support and advice out there. It would be nice if I were helping out future cancer patients in getting the same treatment. I have 9 members of my cancer support group that would sign petitions and perhaps even go on the treatment themselves if it helps. My message has been...Don't stop here! AND Don't forget to say "thank you".

Happy New Year! 2009

2009-01-15T22:39:00.000-08:00

I watched the movie "Benjamin Button" last night and wondered if I had been getting younger myself the past 2 years. My face is less wrinkled, I have a tan. I have new beautiful brown hair that I don't have to tame and there isn't one single grey hair. With the exception of circulation and nerve repair, I feel as great as ever. I guess the month long trip to Borrego Springs, CA, Fiji and Australia to visit with extended family suited me very well!

Back to snowy (well I missed most of it, but I hear the neighbors took photos of the white Christmas) Seattle and cold weather and rain...I still feel invigorated. I think I need to take my own advise and escape the doldrums of the dark Northwest (I read Twilight-filmed in Forks, WA on my sunny vacation) and replace it with vitamin B filled paradise (anywhere hot and sunny). I feel so fortunate to be the miracle symbol of hope that I have become. I have a job, my health, a sound house (even 3), some stock, and a world of family and friends who love me.

I did return to reality and an insurance notice of benefits (or lack thereof) stating that I had been denied coverage on the past 4 treatments that are working to keep me in remission. At $22,000 a treatment, I guess they figured they had to cut costs, so I am now working on what is wrong with this picture. Several friends have suggested I get a medical claims lawyer, and I may need to, but I prefer not to incur additional costs at the present. It upsets me to think of how many really sick people don't have the energy to fight the insurance battle and do not get treatment...and it is a full time battle. So, for now, I am praying that there has been a mistake and I can get my next treatment soon and stay away from chemo and the hospital for awhile.

Keep your heads above water and know that there is a God watching out for us all.

Far Ventures

2008-09-30T22:59:00.000-07:00

For the last year and a half I have been taking baby steps out and returning quietly and quickly for my next treatment or scan. This Thurs I am preparing to go for another Avastin treatment. One which I don't know the ending for. I also have MRI and mamogram alternately every 6 months, and a higher probability of getting breast cancer since my genetic test was positive for the BRCA1 gene. (Good news - Erica tested negative for the same gene!) Does that mean she will wait to have a family? This December I am planning a month leave to visit Australia, with a short stop in Fiji on the way- with Erica & Dan and Steve. We wish Sean could accompany us, but job responsibilty and cost are factors that have become more important with the current state of the economy. We approach things with caution again as we venture out into the world with new enthusiasm. I am looking forward to leaving my new reality behind for a spell and seeing the extended family on their turf. I have a few more tests to go through before I am considered clear, but haven't felt an urgent need for travel insurance...

Life after

2008-09-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

This one is for you Murph! I have been thinking about life after diagnosis and beginning that journey again-after the Cancer word hits...Devastating news, one that you have to get a grip on before you fall victim. This is where you really have to stay strong when traditional medicine is bringing you down. The energy level you get from allowing outside help in the form of visits, bringing meals, flowers, cards, every small effort-and tons and tons of prayers that are felt within the spirit, is energizing if you let it in...there is a tendancy to think we can still be strong on our own, and I have come to realize that we are not alone in this battle even when we feel abandoned and alone, God is with us. He promises us (whenever our time comes) a better place. It is time to enjoy the fruits of your labor and let the love around you lift you.
Today I am feeling normal. My hair is baby soft and just covering my head, and I am looking forward to new energy and returning fully to the work that I enjoyed, the events I participated in, the people I used to connect with, but at the same time, I appreciate LIFE more fully and feel each precious minute and want to encourage those who are suffering through life to find the positive and move towards that which lift us up not pulls us down. Attitude is what gets us through life with a smile on our face, or with a frown. Keep it good. You can choose a fear or love. My advice-Embrace your fear and choose love.

Olympics

2008-08-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

It is so exciting and inspiring to watch the Olympics on TV. Sean still has some friends that he trained with and so this is especially fun to watch. Did you see Michael Phelps smile and cheer after the relay? That was the best part. Will he get his 8 medals now? Sue's daughter got to meet him up close and personal, and got a trophy swim cap signed by the legion. Wonder what he got from her???

I am watching the athletes and thinking about the training and phyche that takes place to get to these levels once again. There is so much more involved than just talent and a sport. What are the presidents accomplishing now at the game?

summer run party

2008-08-07T22:47:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all you who participated in the great run/walk again. Are you up for a celebration? Steve and I are hosting a party at the Casita (7464 East Mercer Way), this Friday for Happy Hour 5-7PM so come on down-bring an appetizer to share and jump in the lake too. We have lots to celebrate. You don't even have to cancel your plans for the evening to join us for the celebration.

Kangaroo

2008-07-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

Erica referenced the kangaroo when she was referring to Mylo spread out on the bed like a sprung kangaroo the other night! It gave me a new visual to which I could relate, having seen the actual animal in it's native land only a few years ago. I am headed there again perhaps as soon as December this year.

Wednesday was getting close to the 2nd annual summer run and Team Sussex was taking full force ~thanks to all my wonderful friends help and support. Marilyn headed up the team again this year for the second year ~ with the help of "Team Mom" Bonnie Sanborn and Co- captain Cori Nickerson! Not to mention ALL my wonderful supporting friends and family ~ what an amazing event, yet again!

Wednesday was open house day and we had a lot to catch up on because the inventory is piling up faster than it can sell here on Mercer Island and Bonnie, Erica and I needed to tour the new listings so that we can keep up with what is selling and what might be good for our clients-or ourselves-Erica just bought, Bonnie just sold and is looking to purchase, and I just listed our home-so we better know the market! Thursday was Steve's birthday and I needed to write an offer and meet with our builder regarding a waterfront lot, so that took up the afternoon plus I was taking Friday off to celebrate with girlfriends, Cori's birthday, which is a whole story in itself-we took the ferry (2 cars & 10 alpha females) to Whidbey Island and hiked, ate, wine tasted, shopped, and basically had a fabulous escape day. I skated in a 7 PM Thurs night with groceries to make Steve's special dinner-forgot the candles, and the cake I left at the check out counter. I had to send Dan back to get it as it came time for desert and I scrounged up one candle that I pieced back together just long enough to sing happy birthday and cut the cake. We all retired early because the morning brings workout classes at 6 am and I had an escape day to prepare for, and a Saturday neighborhood garage sale to set up for since I knew I would be gone most of Friday. I couldn't easily bow out of the garage sale since 10% of the proceeds were dedicated to my ovarian cancer cause besides which I NEED to get rid of lots of clutter and Steve, Erica and Dan were all helping out. Rita and Larry even offered to fix dinner for us so that we could concentrate on the sale.

Steve bought a bike for his birthday, and Dan followed suit and went to pick his bike up on Saturday during the garage sale. Erica and I took turns manning the weak garage sale. We made about $20 for the day since we ended up buying a washer and dryer from the neighbors, and looking at the neighbors stuff to see if we could trade garage space with some of our stuff. Funny but I think we ended up with more stuff than we started out with. Every time I do this I swear I won't do it again, but then again, unless I can recycle it, I cannot seem to part with it.

Sue was wearing her Team Sussex hat in preparation for the run Sunday morning, and we stopped in Langley to go shopping. She had her sunglasses perched on top of her hat covering the letters SUS with the nose piece. The clerk glared at her and asked "what does your hat say?", "team SEX"? We all had a good chuckle and decided later that the idea of Team Sex would actually be a better marketing theme next year. Anyone want to join?

Sunday morning 6:30 came early needless to say, but the adrenaline from all the build up kept me going. I was going to run the 5K and Steve was going to pick up the group and walk. I ate an entire carton of blueberries, grabbed a piece of whole grain bread and banana, and headed out the door. Andrea had walked up (after doing the Torchlite run the note before) from her house to carpool with us, and we were psyched to go. As before, the rondevu at the church pumped me up as the group convened to pick up shirts and entry numbers and head out to meet at the race. Jim took pictures again this year so I will be posting some of them and we can save the rest for the party in a couple of weeks-(and the website will still be open for donations till the party, so sign on and donate and I will have your email to the invite). The race was relatively flat and I managed to catch my breath and run the whole race with one exception near the end when Erica ran up behind me from the 10K overlap and pushed me up the last hill. It was a great feeling to cross the finish line in 32 minutes. I retraced my steps to finish again with my wonderful supporting husband-thanks Steve for coming out-with bad knees, he really was encouraging-proves you don't have to be a runner to come out and support. Bonnie passed out shirts and entry numbers from early registrants, sold Team Sussex hats and rallied the team at the end of the race. It was cold and the parking lot was stagnant so we headed to Starbucks to grab our stimulants and warm up, then returned home to clean up the remains of the garage sale, ride bikes, go to Enso's 2 year old birthday party and crash. Tomorrow starts the tour de Mercer and I plan on kicking off the first leg that starts at Mercerwood at 5:30 am.