Monday I went to the oncology/radiology floor at the Swedish Center to get a pet scan and CT scan to determine what the next step would entail. Optimistically I had been announcing that I was all better and that I would be canceling my scheduled chemo the 11th-only a few days later, but realistically the doctor had warned me not to count on 6 (treatments) as the final count. The testing entailed new IV (they couldn't use my port), drinking a cool aid type drink and 1/2 and resting for 45 minutes to let it all absorb (not to mention the previous days diet of no sugar, high fat and carbs, and no exercise-boy was that a switch! All to prep for best absorption by the tumors of the radioactive sugar water I drank that would illuminate any tumors found in the pet scan. Then prone on to a metal board in a cold room that would slide me in and out of a rounded plastic hollowed out log all the while taking 1800 photos to be read by the radiologist. Fortunately I was allowed to wear my fuzzy warm hat and a warm blanket over hospital pj's, so the cold was not a problem. No music this time, and fairly quiet. The pet scan took about 18 minutes and the entire process I was made to raise my arms up over my head and hold them there while my hand went numb and cold as I held the stretch-I wondered how inflexible folks made it through this process-I do yoga and think I am better than average in this department but was very relieved to be done! The CT scan in contrast took less than 8 minutes and I could have my arms at my side.
The results were to be done in an hour, but my doctor was not back from vacation, so I had to wait a full day and a half for the call. "Hi, this is Dr Kaplan calling". "Great, I know you have good news", I answered. "Yes, I do." I was sure I was going to be cancelling my appt for chemo the next day. The pet scan is clean, but there are 2 little spots showing on the CT scan and we cannot tell if it is scar tissue or residual tumors so we would like to go through a couple more treatments and do another CT scan to make sure. "OK, I think I can handle that." "So, let me verify that. A couple, meaning 2, another CT, not another Pet, scan, and we can be done?". That is the new plan.
Today was my scheduled chemo date and I got my blood work done and port hooked up readying for the appt. There was time today to do a puzzle with Erica, who came with me this time. 2 hours later I was dismissed for a shot to boost my white blood cell counts so that I could reschedule another postponed chemo. Now I go in on Saturday (not the way I wanted to spend a weekend) with 2 additional shots to boost my immunity. But at least I have been able to keep on track and the news is GREAT. I am feeling recharged.
I went to Gilda's club tonight to meet a fellow cancer survivor and listen to a talk on neuropathy-a nerve symptom of the chemo that I have been experiencing lately-numbing of the feet, in my case, not painful but bothersome.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Bailey
Last nite we went down to the Casita for dinner, prepared by our guest and new in-laws, Maryann and Laurie. I boosted Bailey into the car. She had spent the day alone and seemed to be needing some attention, but not demanding it. She left her dinner uneaten at home and I knew she was having another bad day-they were getting progressively worse, but I didn't really want to know what was going on with her and she rallied each time I thought she was sick enough to merrit a trip to the vet (she is nearly 12) where I was sure he would just tell me that she was old and had arthitus. She got out of the car slowly and made her way down to the Casita where dinner was being prepared. The smells were enough to rally her attentions. I cooked a special chicken dinner for her then she went outside and drank a ton of water out of the trough in the backyard and came in to collapse on the floor inside. It was enough just to have the family surrounding her and as usual she never complained, but it was evident that she was not feeling well. We took turns sitting on the floor next to her and petting her as there isn't couch space for 6 people. She got more attention than usual, especially at the dinner hour. Finally it came time to go home and she couldn't get up-not even an attempt. We decided that we had to make that trip to the vet. Laurie helped me carry her to the car and gently set her in the back. Erica voluteered to accompany me. We talked on the way about the deterioration of Bailey's health. I have journeyed alongside of her through surgery and recovery and she has mimmicked my attitude. First she would be tired and lethargic with no appetite, then she would eat a special meal and seem fine again, or have difficulty with her digestive system and bowel movements. Ups and downs, and I felt she was going through cancer right along with me. I prayed for her to rally for me and she did! She maintained that positive, carefree spirit each step of the way right through the vow ceremony, but last nite she could hold out no longer.
The vet came back into the room after examing Bailey. The xrays showed our greatest fears were true-she had a large tumor and some liver problems, anemic and weary, she would not last the nite without surgery, and was probably too weak to survive the surgery. Erica and I had to make a tough decision. We went back into the cold examining room to say our goodbyes. Erica left and I remained to hold her head and make sure she knew how much we loved her as she fearlessly went to sleep. She will be sorely missed.
The vet came back into the room after examing Bailey. The xrays showed our greatest fears were true-she had a large tumor and some liver problems, anemic and weary, she would not last the nite without surgery, and was probably too weak to survive the surgery. Erica and I had to make a tough decision. We went back into the cold examining room to say our goodbyes. Erica left and I remained to hold her head and make sure she knew how much we loved her as she fearlessly went to sleep. She will be sorely missed.
Erica & Dan
Where does the time go? Our daughter is married! Her gracious and fun filled in-laws are here from Sydney, Australia. Paul Barret preformed a beautiful ceremony at the Mercer Island Presbyterian Church . Chad Dierickx sang a heartfelt rendition of Amazing Grace while Val Giesbrecht accompanied him on her violin-an impromtu and very moving gift to the ceremony that left not a dry eye in the room. I wondered at the emotions in the room as MY most recent memory of the song was at my friend Chris Engs' mother's (who died of Ovarian cancer) memorial service not 2 weeks ago. For each of us in the room it signified a different memory yet unified in our thankfulness to celebrate together, each in such a personal moment, the uniting of love and God's grace to have tbrought us to this sacred gathering.
Paul gifted us with a story that added laughter to the somber mood and gave a picture of sharing and message of remaining true and real to each other.
The vows were a work of love, well thought out and words to remember; encouragement even to us who have just celebrated 30 years together, reminders of what new love pronounces. Sean got up to turn the Ipod on at the close of the ceremony, but the live music still rang in our heads. In attendance were Sean, Steve & I, Erica & Dan, Laurie & Maryann (Dan's parents), Paul, Chad & Val (for a brief and moving gift). The simplicity of the event forced a focus on the vows and promises.
The next day we met with the wedding planner and caterers. July will be a new season strengthened by the promises of the day-Sept 30, 2007.
Paul gifted us with a story that added laughter to the somber mood and gave a picture of sharing and message of remaining true and real to each other.
The vows were a work of love, well thought out and words to remember; encouragement even to us who have just celebrated 30 years together, reminders of what new love pronounces. Sean got up to turn the Ipod on at the close of the ceremony, but the live music still rang in our heads. In attendance were Sean, Steve & I, Erica & Dan, Laurie & Maryann (Dan's parents), Paul, Chad & Val (for a brief and moving gift). The simplicity of the event forced a focus on the vows and promises.
The next day we met with the wedding planner and caterers. July will be a new season strengthened by the promises of the day-Sept 30, 2007.
Monday, October 1, 2007
The Eternal Optomist & Monterey
This title I stole from a reread of an email I received from a dear friend approaching the 2nd chemo and it is particularly appropriate as I fly on the anniversary of 9/11 with no fears or doubts. (Actually I later discovered I was flying on 9/9 but thinking it was 2 days later-wonder if the travel traffic was any different).
It has been an inspirational weekend as I have been gifted a trip to Monterey to spectate and cheer for Sharon Scott, a good friend and coworker at JL Scott, and my coparticipant in the challenge of the 2002 San Diego marathon with Team in Training, benefiting blood cancers.
The trip itself was for me a bit of a triathalon as I managed to squeeze in time for the triathalon with the Sharon's family (Glatz), visit with my 2nd family-the Regis' from 7th grade in Japan, and have some alone time to go inward. All legs of the event were inspirational.
I packed for a short 3 day weekend with minimal baggage to carry on. With no need for hair product and minimal cosmetics it was easy to get through security, but clothing needs were harder to pack for than the previous 7 day trip to Hawaii where flip flops and bathing suit and cover up would have been enough. I knew there would be shoes to pack as I planned to run alongside and cheer at each transition zone Sharon crossed. There would be dancing and celebration at the finish, and there would be eating out with the fashion conscious Glatz's whom I had never traveled with before.
I love getting on the airplane. When it lifts off I am on a new journey. My mind can leave behind worries, cares, and stresses of the past and begin focus on NOW. The return flight brings me back to home and family for which I am eternally grateful.
The morning of the triathalon I awoke early as if I were participating. I had been communicating mentally with Sharon as I have felt prerace jitters myself in the past and was hoping to connect before the race. I quietly exited the hotel room and left Laurie sleeping, to get some fresh air and try a short run. The marine layer left a dense fog near shore and the sea lions were already barking. A few homeless people were picking up their possessions from the beach. The rythemic waves hitting the beach were conducive of a run to keep the pace. I texted Sharon to see if she was up yet. No answer. I headed north in the direction I believed the race would be and looked for the start line. No one in the hotel could find a race course map and the website hadn't been much help either. 15 minutes out and still no signs, I headed back towards the hotel. Participants were then headed on their bikes south towards the light house. I met Sharon briefly-she had had a restless nite but seemed ready to rock and we headed our own directions to prepare for the race and rally the troups.
We rounded up our cheer leading paraphernalia-"Go Sharon" signs, air tubes to bang together, and special "Go Iguana Girl" shirts that Lori had custom made and walked down the oceanfront pathway towards the start line.
sea lions were barking and basking in the shallow water seemingly waving at us. I couldn't imagine the previous days training kelp pulling with sea life swimming underneath and just 2 days prior a shark attack on a surfer-the 1st in over 10 years-right off Lover's Point-the swim zone. MY adrenaline was racing!
The street was lined with spectators moving about to get the best vantage point for the wave and event they were cheering for. We worked our way to the beach edge and arrived front and center just as Sharon exited the water. "Go Sharon"! I don't think she even heard us-how could she have missed us? we were right in her face. I ran to see if I could beat her to the next transition area where she would emerge from that chaotic zone on her bike. The course wound around twice on the swim leg, 4 times on the bike leg, and 3 times on the run leg so spectator positioning was great! If we missed one cycle we would certainly have other opportunities to see Sharon come around again and again with renewed encouragement. Each time Sharon appeared to be in her own zone, barely looking up to take away from her determined focus. Finally the run, the last kick. 3 times around the track. We moved from the transition zone down the course. Surely Sharon would need our cheering after such grueling events. I made my way down the course to see if I could run a spell and help pick up the pace but doubted myself as I saw Sharon come pounding strong down the pavement. I ran a short way the 2nd lap but found I couldn't keep pace even for a short distance. I was excited for how much energy Sharon had-she was on pace and looking good. The final lap I was so excited to run in 100 yards and see her finish strong! Next year -we'd both come back!
Debbie came down with Vaghn (her greyhound). An exhilarating moment for all of us. Veteran Team in Training participants and now cancer survivor too! We hugged, glad to be fully alive. Deb and I took off to Carmel to see her parents and catch up on old times. Sharon stayed to cheer on her teammates, and the Glatz family returned to enjoy Monterey for a few hours until we would rendezvous for the celebration dinner and dancing later that evening, and celebration it was as we-the Glatz's and me , closed down the dance floor.
Sharon's celebration wasn't quite as sweet as she had hoped. Her boyfriend of 4 plus years had abandoned the journey and a broken heart might make for a good race, but leaves emptiness in the final hurrah. The next morning I would leave to return home and Glatz's would continue on to celebrate Lou and Ron's 47th anniversary in Napa wine country!
It has been an inspirational weekend as I have been gifted a trip to Monterey to spectate and cheer for Sharon Scott, a good friend and coworker at JL Scott, and my coparticipant in the challenge of the 2002 San Diego marathon with Team in Training, benefiting blood cancers.
The trip itself was for me a bit of a triathalon as I managed to squeeze in time for the triathalon with the Sharon's family (Glatz), visit with my 2nd family-the Regis' from 7th grade in Japan, and have some alone time to go inward. All legs of the event were inspirational.
I packed for a short 3 day weekend with minimal baggage to carry on. With no need for hair product and minimal cosmetics it was easy to get through security, but clothing needs were harder to pack for than the previous 7 day trip to Hawaii where flip flops and bathing suit and cover up would have been enough. I knew there would be shoes to pack as I planned to run alongside and cheer at each transition zone Sharon crossed. There would be dancing and celebration at the finish, and there would be eating out with the fashion conscious Glatz's whom I had never traveled with before.
I love getting on the airplane. When it lifts off I am on a new journey. My mind can leave behind worries, cares, and stresses of the past and begin focus on NOW. The return flight brings me back to home and family for which I am eternally grateful.
The morning of the triathalon I awoke early as if I were participating. I had been communicating mentally with Sharon as I have felt prerace jitters myself in the past and was hoping to connect before the race. I quietly exited the hotel room and left Laurie sleeping, to get some fresh air and try a short run. The marine layer left a dense fog near shore and the sea lions were already barking. A few homeless people were picking up their possessions from the beach. The rythemic waves hitting the beach were conducive of a run to keep the pace. I texted Sharon to see if she was up yet. No answer. I headed north in the direction I believed the race would be and looked for the start line. No one in the hotel could find a race course map and the website hadn't been much help either. 15 minutes out and still no signs, I headed back towards the hotel. Participants were then headed on their bikes south towards the light house. I met Sharon briefly-she had had a restless nite but seemed ready to rock and we headed our own directions to prepare for the race and rally the troups.
We rounded up our cheer leading paraphernalia-"Go Sharon" signs, air tubes to bang together, and special "Go Iguana Girl" shirts that Lori had custom made and walked down the oceanfront pathway towards the start line.
sea lions were barking and basking in the shallow water seemingly waving at us. I couldn't imagine the previous days training kelp pulling with sea life swimming underneath and just 2 days prior a shark attack on a surfer-the 1st in over 10 years-right off Lover's Point-the swim zone. MY adrenaline was racing!
The street was lined with spectators moving about to get the best vantage point for the wave and event they were cheering for. We worked our way to the beach edge and arrived front and center just as Sharon exited the water. "Go Sharon"! I don't think she even heard us-how could she have missed us? we were right in her face. I ran to see if I could beat her to the next transition area where she would emerge from that chaotic zone on her bike. The course wound around twice on the swim leg, 4 times on the bike leg, and 3 times on the run leg so spectator positioning was great! If we missed one cycle we would certainly have other opportunities to see Sharon come around again and again with renewed encouragement. Each time Sharon appeared to be in her own zone, barely looking up to take away from her determined focus. Finally the run, the last kick. 3 times around the track. We moved from the transition zone down the course. Surely Sharon would need our cheering after such grueling events. I made my way down the course to see if I could run a spell and help pick up the pace but doubted myself as I saw Sharon come pounding strong down the pavement. I ran a short way the 2nd lap but found I couldn't keep pace even for a short distance. I was excited for how much energy Sharon had-she was on pace and looking good. The final lap I was so excited to run in 100 yards and see her finish strong! Next year -we'd both come back!
Debbie came down with Vaghn (her greyhound). An exhilarating moment for all of us. Veteran Team in Training participants and now cancer survivor too! We hugged, glad to be fully alive. Deb and I took off to Carmel to see her parents and catch up on old times. Sharon stayed to cheer on her teammates, and the Glatz family returned to enjoy Monterey for a few hours until we would rendezvous for the celebration dinner and dancing later that evening, and celebration it was as we-the Glatz's and me , closed down the dance floor.
Sharon's celebration wasn't quite as sweet as she had hoped. Her boyfriend of 4 plus years had abandoned the journey and a broken heart might make for a good race, but leaves emptiness in the final hurrah. The next morning I would leave to return home and Glatz's would continue on to celebrate Lou and Ron's 47th anniversary in Napa wine country!
Friday, September 21, 2007
POP, JOY
Last nite I attended a card making party at Jo's house and 5 of us gathered to make cards and commune (and review the Power of positive thinking). We talked acronyms-thus the title POP and JOY. Laurie said POP was "power of prayer"-her relative had survived over a year after an unsuccessful bone marrow transplant and attributed it to living each day with positive energies and prayer. Jo said that she had been visiting at the retirement home when a gentleman there had asked her the meaning of JOY. After attempting to define it in her own way, he said "Jesus, Others, and then Yourself" That is how you attain joy. It really doesn't take long to realize that counting my blessings far outways cursing the surroundings and any ailments and makes for a beautiful day each day I count my blessings first.
That being said, I have had some wonderful events to write about in the past few weeks since the last blog, and some great ones on the horizon. I will have to post a seperate blog on the trip to Monterey to watch Sharon race in the Pacific Crest Triathalon. It was a wonderful weekend and merits a seperate accounting when I get my journal out to post.
I slid back in from that weekend -slipping in a visit with my dear friend Debbie Regis and her parents in Carmel -reminiscing on Jr High school days in Japan, to my 6th chemo treatment. I was sent home like an expectant mother, to get my blood count right so that I could continue my treatments (the 6th momentus chemo treatment being the minimum I would have to have-and me thinking-positively of course-that it is the LAST) on Sunday. Two days later, 2 shots later, and a lot of anticipation, I partied with 6 friends while I got my treatment. It threw my calendar off since I start scheduling in appointments after 4 days so that I can recouperate. Wed and Thurs were full days of class, so I couldn't get sick and tired. True to my mindset, I attended class and really didn't miss a beat this time around. I am excited that I can believe what I consistantly tell myself-that I am well! My CT scan is now scheduled for Oct 9th to confirm my hopes-that the tumors are gone. The Doctor has scheduled another chemo treatment I am sure to be cancelling.
In the midst of these appointments, Erica's future in-laws are arriving from Australia and I am excited to feel up for entertaining and showing them this wonderful place their son is now calling home. Peace be with you all. Your support is unending and very uplifting.
That being said, I have had some wonderful events to write about in the past few weeks since the last blog, and some great ones on the horizon. I will have to post a seperate blog on the trip to Monterey to watch Sharon race in the Pacific Crest Triathalon. It was a wonderful weekend and merits a seperate accounting when I get my journal out to post.
I slid back in from that weekend -slipping in a visit with my dear friend Debbie Regis and her parents in Carmel -reminiscing on Jr High school days in Japan, to my 6th chemo treatment. I was sent home like an expectant mother, to get my blood count right so that I could continue my treatments (the 6th momentus chemo treatment being the minimum I would have to have-and me thinking-positively of course-that it is the LAST) on Sunday. Two days later, 2 shots later, and a lot of anticipation, I partied with 6 friends while I got my treatment. It threw my calendar off since I start scheduling in appointments after 4 days so that I can recouperate. Wed and Thurs were full days of class, so I couldn't get sick and tired. True to my mindset, I attended class and really didn't miss a beat this time around. I am excited that I can believe what I consistantly tell myself-that I am well! My CT scan is now scheduled for Oct 9th to confirm my hopes-that the tumors are gone. The Doctor has scheduled another chemo treatment I am sure to be cancelling.
In the midst of these appointments, Erica's future in-laws are arriving from Australia and I am excited to feel up for entertaining and showing them this wonderful place their son is now calling home. Peace be with you all. Your support is unending and very uplifting.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
challenges
In the past I have been able to regroup and pull ahead with enthusiasm, but occasionally I seem to be angry at everything. Perhaps it is the yoga that needs attending to so that I can move inward rather than challenging everything outside my life.
Yesterday I started over again in my business attending a series of classes entitled Career Activator Program along side my daughter who is jump starting her new career. The review is good for me as it makes me review my business plan and budgeting for the future. The market has slowed down here and talking real estate has also taken a back seat to talking cancer. I am ready for the change, but it is a new challenge that often makes me amgry at the people closest to me. Why is that, and can I deal with that now, or is it just an excuse to slack off?
Just as in business I have moved back into the exercise routines I created for myself in the past, running to relief stress from a conversation regarding business that didn't go well. I found myself sticking to the flat areas to avoid hills as my breathing was labored and my head not clear. I ran for half an hour; the longest I have run since my surgery, and felt frustrated with the lack of progress. Why am I so down on myself? I discovered blood in my urine, the same as before surgery-where is that coming from, tumors? I will have to call the doctor again.
This morning I had planned on going to swim before the class begins at 8:30, the mental alarm was early and I awoke at 4 am. I could get up, but I also have to pack to go to Monterey where Sharon is running in the Pacific Grove triathalon in my honor. I am proud of her accomplishment and her persistance to the goal. It is inspirational for me also. I blogged instead of swimming. I will start again when I get home and allow myself to rest instead for a few more days.
One day at a time...
Yesterday I started over again in my business attending a series of classes entitled Career Activator Program along side my daughter who is jump starting her new career. The review is good for me as it makes me review my business plan and budgeting for the future. The market has slowed down here and talking real estate has also taken a back seat to talking cancer. I am ready for the change, but it is a new challenge that often makes me amgry at the people closest to me. Why is that, and can I deal with that now, or is it just an excuse to slack off?
Just as in business I have moved back into the exercise routines I created for myself in the past, running to relief stress from a conversation regarding business that didn't go well. I found myself sticking to the flat areas to avoid hills as my breathing was labored and my head not clear. I ran for half an hour; the longest I have run since my surgery, and felt frustrated with the lack of progress. Why am I so down on myself? I discovered blood in my urine, the same as before surgery-where is that coming from, tumors? I will have to call the doctor again.
This morning I had planned on going to swim before the class begins at 8:30, the mental alarm was early and I awoke at 4 am. I could get up, but I also have to pack to go to Monterey where Sharon is running in the Pacific Grove triathalon in my honor. I am proud of her accomplishment and her persistance to the goal. It is inspirational for me also. I blogged instead of swimming. I will start again when I get home and allow myself to rest instead for a few more days.
One day at a time...
Monday, September 3, 2007
Labor Day
What a peaceful and wonderful day today was. The sun came through the window this morning beginning the day earlier than would have been on a rainy day when I am inclined to pull the sheets back over my head an doze off again. The sales were in progress and Steve and I went over to Bellevue and shopped the Labor day sale at Masins and bought ourselves a first ever, NEW bedroom set. Two of my college roommates got together and we went for a walk that turned into a neighborhood reconnection and rediscovery of trails that I am exploring once again. The gardens around were full of blooming flowers and the colors are inspiring. I got on my bike-a first since May-and felt the wind against my face and the freedom of self power. I caught up with old friends and dropped in on Sandy and we talked about her beautiful Hawaii retreat and both relived that gorgeous part of the country. I went home excited to get our backyard blooming (it has been a dirt pile lately as Steve has moved over 30 yard to level the backyard and construction workers have both painted and constructed a new outdoor room). Tonight after a quiet barbeque in the new outdoor eating area, we mellowed out to KCTS presentation of orchestra accompanied coastal towns. What a great way to end the day and continue the dream.
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