neuropathy

I have this funny sensation of tingling in my feet and sometimes a bit in my hands. It went away but now is back and trips me up a bit early mornings when I have been off my feet for a few hours. I think about the description of disconnect between the nerves in sending messages to the brain-that is how it has been described. Some people have more than tingling but for me, like the chemo, it has been not so painful, just annoying, and out of the ordinary.
Thoughts about that-it is a reminder that we are disengaged here for a spell till we can get back in gear and head forward again (or backwards as the case can be). Perhaps the pause is to reflect on the direction we are headed.

Rainbows and butterflies

It is graduation time! I have been asked to speak at the "relay for life" assembly at the High School at the end of the month where the kids have raised funds for the American Cancer society and will walk for pledged amounts for 24 hours, camping out along the way. I have been thinking about what of inspiration I have to say. I remember receiving a card for graduation (funny that one would even stick in my mind after all these years). It was a beautiful rainbow on the front and when you opened the card, multicolored butterflies flew from the rainbow and disbursed out into the sky-I think there might have been a boy with a net running to catch the butterflies but that part is not so vivid. My dreams this morning were of rainbows-the darkness of the full spectrum of colors at one end, the absence of color-white light at the opposite end of the spectrum. I see the sun coming up and the colors are becoming vibrant-spring is in the air. These all create warmth and clarity in a path I would like to follow-the path towards life-the white end of the spectrum. Life along the way is full of many colors and directions but we are guided by the light and sunk by darkness.
Last night after wrestling with post chemo side effects, I shared some mood enhancing drugs with a friend who suffers with MS. I have been reluctant to take drugs of any sort, chemo included, but the effects are night and day, so sharing is the a natural. I have to laugh when we talked about natural childbirth and our past experience with drugs-I was the natural childbirth advocate-feel the pain-don't drug the baby. Now we are all about applying all of our education and utilizing western and eastern methods of pain reduction and healing. Our international affiliations are helpful in studing effects of treatments that have been effective but not tested for years overseas. New studies are popping up daily in this country as the FDA sorts out what is dangerous and what is acceptable for people in this country. Since I am privy to a diverse culture here in the pacific northwest, I benefit by all sorts of techniques and remedies-yoga, acupuncture, wine, pot, massage, monavie.
What stands out in the whole picture is the attitude with which you embrace life. If you want to see the light, you have to follow it and know that it is there. The cloud will go away, but the sun is behind the cloud. I have a healing yoga tape Jodi Wes gave to me-I think she should practice with me-she is a yoga master-and it starts with breathing centering exercise, then reminds us to release our inner tensions and anxioties and forgive, remember what we are greatful for. Gratitude and abundance-we have! "Every decision I make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle" I choose the miracle. When I focus on the abundance and the miracles I am rich! Gotta go do my yoga. I have to practice on you all and write a speach for the 30th. Let me know what resonates with you and what might inspire a high school graduate-and NO, Sean, I don't need to get attention mentioning pot at the HS.

Last chemo

Here we go again. Knocked down but to bounce back again soon. This time we have much to celebrate as my doctor is optimistic that we have once again nipped this one in the bud. As Cori says, remember Chuckey Cheese where the purple guy keeps bouncing back up and gets hit with the hammer...what a visual. We must be vigilant and never give up. I got my 3rd and hopefully last treatment this last Thursday and am sleeping a lot (or not at all if you look at this post time) and expect to be back to new normal by next Thurs.
We are celebrating the closing of Erica and Dan's new house here on Mercer Island and it has been a joy to have them here and settling into new digs. It brings back so many memories of first time home ownership and all that that entails. They are busy going to garage sales and checking Craig's list for furnishings. It is a big process just to close the deal these days. Loans are not easy to come by and are taking longer to close, but all said and done it happened the day I went into the hospital for my last chemo. Must have been meant to be.
Much running through my head these days. I am practicing yoga healing early morning as much as possible since it gets my head in the right place with concentration on forgiveness, choosing miracles over grievances, and relaxation and healing thoughts. Meditation is good for the sole.
I am drinking my Monavie juice that I started taking back in October, but now am distributing since I really think it has helped my energy level, and it is easier than downing pills, or buying organic fruits (which is basically what is is in concentrate juice form). Anybody else out there heard of it? Wanna try it?
The worries over genetic testing and insurance coverage has just changed this last week. Now the insurance companies are no longer allowed to discriminate against people with genetic predispositions. Good news for Erica and I. We are off to get tested since my sister tested positive for the Brach 1 genetic defect. I am learning so much but it is just the tip of the ice burg.
The summer run is coming up and I see we made the newsletter for last years participation as being the largest group! Let's beat that one this year. I hope to run it this time! It is the 27th of July, so mark your calendars....Love you all.

Dahli Mamma

Last month when the Dahli Lama was in town I was privledged to see him at Quest Field-that one day when the sun drenched us followed by a snow blizzard the following day. "Seeds of Passion" was the title for the event, and a colorful array of flags and costumed patriots from all over the world graced the field with festive displays. Included in the pagentry were 2 chiefs from the Lummi tribe and one other tribe and it was enlightening to think of the history of our own dear Washington state and to think of the changes here in the past century. Global warming and responsiblilty to the earth were topics that both the Indian chiefs and the Dahli Lama addressed with passionate appeals to be more aware and responsible citizens. I thought about my own efforts to recyle and how I had slacked off and become lazy in my efforts to care about renewable resources. What are you doing these days to save the earth?? I have since started checking the recycle labels and washing the tin cans out and crushing the cans to take down to the aluminum recycle again. I started talking to friends about relationships and how to implement seeds of passion towards others and Erica suggested I might be coming on too strong on the spiritual side thus nick naming me the Dahli Lama. The kids have a ball dubbing me with names derived from various connections. I won't object to this one, but let me try to live up to it. The Dahli Lama suggested that women would be good leaders for the world since their nature was more nurturing and less voilent in settling issues-a thought for all of us when we go about electing new leaders and dealing with our own daily lives. Any thoughts?

Horsing around

Today I played hooky and took Charley up on his long standing offer to have me over and ride. What a joy! It took me back to early childhood days in Oklahoma when 4 of us siblings took riding lessons, and then to a time when I spent the summer in Texas with Debbie and we rode her retired barrel racer horse. Charlie was extremely patient with me and cautiously but with brave confidence, gave over the reins to his beautiful show horse, Gina. He is an accomplished horseman and along with his wife, Cathy, they showed me a side of themselves that brings out their passion. I will remember it for a long time, and feel it every time I sit down for the next week. We all have things that we work hard for so that we can enjoy the home time. It was fun to see a different side of the lender that I now connect with on a different level.

doctor, doctor

Last week I scheduled yet another appointment with a new doctor. I try not to book any more appointments than necessary but felt smart to get another opinion by a specialist in the field of gynocology/oncology. I learned there are many more options for me out there if for some reason the current course of action doesn't work, and the fact that I most likely have a genetic defect is probably the reason I am doing so well with the chemo treatment-another miracle.
I consulted a naturalpath who made some dietary suggestions that I am trying to follow. I have to say that sugar is hard for me to resist, but after a few days it does get easier. All the leafy vegies lead me to purchase a beano type pill which ran me a few bucks! There seem to be side effects to everything.
I am now distributor for the Monavie juice that I began taking back in November or so last year. It saves me from taking all sorts of vitamins and suppliments that I can't stand choking down, never mind the hassle and cost of buying organic fruits on a daily basis, altho I love eating those. I do feel an increase in strength and energy so I must be doing something right. Let me know if you want to try the stuff yourself in case you need a boost of energy-this product is available only through distributors so I have a drop ship supply readily available and am excited to share it.
The Guilda's Club fashion show is coming up if anyone wants to sit at my table you can sign up on line at guildasclubseattle.org.
The summer run is right around the corner, and before that the MIHS walk for cancer so stay tuned on how you can get in shape and make a difference too. fight on!

I'm back

With holiday celebrations behind me and remission giving new growth to my hair, I forged into the new year with vigor and plans! January brought on a road trip to S California, the desert sun, and every weather pattern imaginable. Steve & I celebrated Natalie's 1st birthday, stopped at the Hearst Castle, saw the elephant seals breading on the beach, looked for the migrating monarchs, combed the beaches of Carmel with Debbie, and appreciated the precious time together with each other, friends and family.
The remission was not to last though and upon return from that trip I headed back for more tests eventually leading to the 2nd battle with a new concoction of chemotherapy and, just as I was enjoying a new butch, dark hairstyle, a second round with loosing my hair. I did run a 1/2 marathon before getting knocked down again, and have a lot of goals ahead of me that keep me going.
I headed back down to the desert (the sun is just too evasive this year and oh, so precious). We visited the Storys' home in Sun City, shopped the bazar, and hiked, swam, golfed, and played.
Next on the horizon, besides catching up with all of you, is Guilda's Club annual fashion show where I will model-May 23rd at the Westin, Seattle. Let me know if I can send you an invite...then the second annual summer run is coming in July, Erica and Dan are entertaining guests from Australia and moving into a new home, and I'd love to participate in a bike event in August if all goes well. So that is just to catch you up again and I promise to be better about keeping you on the roller coaster.