Vancouver Olympics 2010

 

Overdose

My head is spinning with all of the brainstorm ideas that are circling my head. I have a schedule starting early in the morning. If I am sleepless and up blogging, I can flip the lightswitch on in the stairwell so that Dyllan's parents know I can help with the feeding and maybe they can get some much needed rest (surely new parents are on overdose and must be exhausted); then I have gratitude to express and there are a million way to do that also (magic cookies, thank you notes, phone calls...). This process early in the morning, or even middle of the night, is restful and gearing up for the new and beautiful day that is showing itself to me in winter storms, sunrises, waterfront activity, dog cuddling and baby sttention. I must be careful not to spend too much time on any activity because it becomes an addiction.
I have scheduled my radiation appointments in the am on purpose since it gets me going and the hospital staff is fresh and new. I get dressed for the day because I have places to be and "stuff" to do. (Some days I need help with this one too).
Pinch me, make it real
I am so filled with loving energy from all who surround me that I overdose and forget to rest. By afternoon I really need to quit spinning and lay down. This is when pain, vomiting, or body collapsing seems to happen which frustrates me (sure some of this is from chemo or radiation....I have cancer). It makes it real because everyone is going through life with some sort of ordeal and we forget to listen to them because we are overdosing on our own pains. Let go, Let Love take over...

Dr Love

Dr Love, (Dr Mehta, my radiologist)
I remind myself that love is the answer, so for me right now going through radiation, this is the answer. It is happy place, everyone knows my name and smiles at me in a welcoming manner when I arrive. They get me warm blankets and explain everything I have questions about. Patients talk to each other and encourage one another.

I am once again up early and as I rose, Steve said "you are something". What does that mean? He gets upset when I leave the room because he thinks I need to sleep. He is doing the best he can and trying to help me get better. Do I do the same for him when he is coughing or snoring in the middle of the night? Selfishly I want kick him and yank on his pillow to get him to roll over and stop snoring! My friends have gotten seperate rooms now and it is becoming popular to see new houses being built with 2 master suites. Why do we gravitate away from each other when we grow older?What if I want to read in the middle of the night? or blog? Who is the one that is supposed to get up and tip toe quietly so as not to wake the other? The one snoring, or the one who is sleeping without disturbance?

I think back to Dyllan and pure love. What would I do if the person next to me were Dyllan? If Dyllan were coughing, I would want to curl up next to her and comfort her even though she was annoying (if she is screaming out of control I might not feel like it-then it might be time to delegate the comfort task to someone else since I would be void of loving actions). We have choices. Take the loving action.

Clutter

Clutter shows an imbalance. If you have YOURSELF reached the point of "too much" or "enough already!", then it is time to start decluttering-a healthy thing for all of us. (remember this may not be just about physical things, but about what is racing around in your head)
1. Prioritize
2. Sort into files
3. Get rid of the junk-reduce, reuse, and recycle
3 boxes (believe me the earth will be a better place when we all start doing this-go green)
4. Give yourself a reward for your acheivements
5. Be gentle on yourself. Baby steps. You didn't get to where you are now overnite.
SONG-How Sweet it is to be loved by you by James Taylor

On weight:
You are perfect just the way you are-you weren't born imperfect. So now you have to go throught steps to return to perfect, but what is perfect? Perfect is LOVE. Start loving yourself.
1. Dress in the am for what you feel up to-notice how you are dressing and perhaps you will find your passion in life-swim suit at 6 am? Coach? Love that group!
2. Change your outfit for where you intend to be. Work? and who you are meeting-they will appreciate the connection and it will be appropriate. Stay neutral or whith what most would expect of you if you don't know the people you are meeting. Help someone you love get dressed if they don't have the mind to do it themselves, but don't push yourself on them). It is ok to look different (that is where fashion comes from...).
3.Go to a doctor if you aren't able to do these steps alone. The medical profession has lots of answers that may be right for you if you are brave enough to try them. (plastic surgery, lap band surgery...)
4. Exercise-you can maintain a good shape if you both eat right and exercise on a physical level. Dogs don't have a choice-look at their owners...
5. I prefer the natural remedies. I dress accordingly, but I can "fake it till I make it" also. You become what you imagine long enough. "Dream big and pray for the results".
Enough already....Declutter.

Mon. 2/22

Sorry about the lapse in blog posts, but I had some technical difficulties and I am hoping that I have them fixed now.

Dr Love visit and a tad nauseous this am-very unstable and just a little numb-enough so to ask Becky to come down with a walker. Cori brought over a whistle walking stick. Man! Do I feel old.
I debated smoking a dubie but never got that far. Steve takes me for lunch at the Blue water taco shop next to the hospital.
We are taking bets as to what Dyllan will weigh when she reaches her due date, March 23, 2010. She was born Jan 24th at 3 lbs 15 oz and now weighs 5 lbs 8 oz! What a girl! When she is awake, she is fully engaged. Making noises, picking up and turning her head, raising her arms above her head and kicking her little legs. She seems so much less fragile than just a few short weeks ago. What fun to watch her grow so fast before my very eyes-so I challenge myself to also press on fast. It is exhausting but a thrill with the Vancouver Olympics playing in the background. We are the champions.
I know I am going o get a good nites sleep tonight. The sun has shone brightly all day long and kayaks have cruised by and water skiers and it's February! I love it here.
My downs syndrome friend calls and I understand him. Perhaps my listening skills have improved. Mylo has mellowed out, not the wild dog she was when Dyllan came home. Hoang comes to clean and the House feels both clean and loved...
Yesterday was an amazingly strong day. Miracles are happening.

magic happening/alien encounter

I cannot possibly begin to describe the "magic* that happened yesterday alone. For simplicity's sake, let's just say each set of () is an opportunity for someone to comment or expound on the story) My head is exploding (perhaps a "chemo brain" side effect of the radiation that took place yesterday, as that is what Dr Mehta (Dr Love-that is what Mehta means) said might be a side effect of the procedure. Nasea is the feeling of the moment, the power of suggestion? I tried to block out that idea-it is a negative idea and I WILL not be negative about this treatment!!!! It is not a loving idea, God help me. YES, that is what Cancer has taught me.
The 2 hr consultation turned into an afternoon appointment to actually do the radiation. Like Avatar, I was escourted into a my spaceship where the transformation took place. "Are you clostraphobic?" Tony, the technician asked. I lay down on the stainless flatbed and a cold, wet breathable matter was placed over my face. "Kinda like a facial" Brea told me. (They remembered my name, I HAD to remember theirs-after all I AM a real estate agent and names are very important). This formed the facemask that would direct the radiation beams to my brain. In just about the same time a wonderful facial would have been over, the mask was ready to remove. I left the spaceship to return to earth, euphoric, and ready to return for the 1st spaceship trial launch that afternoon. To be continued...if you would like to drive me to a future launch, Kathy and Steve are scheduling escort service. I cannot wait to share with you, Hal-you are on buddy, Steve is 1st (warning-it will exhaust you and I am so happy you are up for the excitement (you might have to go to your man cave afterward)! Dyllan will ground us.

The blogging hour

I have a love/hate relationship to the wee hours of the morning...I wish I could sleep, but I am either sleepless due to all of the thoughts racing around in my mind, or due to physical distress because of the cancer, so 1st off I will update you on the recent status of my cancer...
I had my staples removed from my head yesterday where the Dr did a brain biopsy. The results showed a malignant tumor, and the good news is that it is a spread of the ovarian cancer-meaning that it is treatable-not some inoperable, inaccessable brain tumor-so please pray for the results of my upcoming treatment-which will be radiation for the next 3 weeks, 5 days a week. That is step 1. Beyond that, there is talk of more chemotherapy after the radiation. I am always open to hearing other options, but likely will still default to my Dr's opinion since he his still directing my treatment. Don't take it personally (I get a lot of free advise, and appreciate it).
The thoughts that race around in my mind could fill a book, and that is where you all come in...I am slowly writing it...so comment away on the content that fills this blog, as that is my life and your feedback is the source of my strength. I love reading your comments-if you prefer to remain anonymous, just email me instead.

Recently, through my real estate connections, I had the opportunity to talk to an incoming celebrity. I was so excited to welcome their family to the area, that I called the agent I knew would be working with them and offered my help and my waterfront house-since I see it as such a welcoming introduction to the NW. We are competitors so the offer was rejected and I dropped the enthusiam and the energy directed to this family and focused on the move that I had begun with my family to the healing waterfront house we are in presently. In the past, I could easily have seen the money from the sale of a big house as the driving force to pursue this potential client. My prayers were for an answer that would help heal me and I was surprised at the outcome. I have found beauty and healing amd pure joy in settling here with the family and discovered when your energies are directly towards love, that all things are possible.
Todays thoughts run to support of President Obama-why not go to top)?-why stop at a simple celebrity? The powers of love have carried me through troubled waters. Obama gets so much criticism because of the hard decisions he has to make, but if we all directed loving thoughts towards him and his "enemies" (after all he did win the Noble Peace prize for something) how could the outcome be anything BUT peace? Love conquers all.