Home Recovery

Wow to be back here again is a deja vu. One year ago the day of the Guilda's Fashion show I was off for chemo just after the show, now here we go again. The day of the show where I hosted the table and off for round 3. To top it all off, Bonnie and Erica are off and we have a new listing...Thank God for all the friends that I have to help me at any sign of my weakness. Or just because they love me. Love you all. The treatment went well, I had visitors and played games, then went to sleep for a couple of hours at a time before the nurses would interupt and take my vitals and check meds. I felt I could run the show since this was old hat, and I estimated my own urine output, asked for my own wristband that they had forgotten, and changed my weight on the whiteboard that they son blatantly put up for all my visitors to see! Today I signed up a new listing and so my friends, come on and help me sell it! We need this economy to move! The day was beautiful, and I walked Mylo around the block a few times to catch the fresh air and sunshine. she is always up for a good walk. My feet don't hurt! Unbelievalbe! Look what chemo does. Late this afternoon, I started to slump. Food arrived, and Robin came over to help me get my home office running again. I think it is time to sleep.

Namaste

"The light within me honors the light within you". I feel your energies here in the hospital, and I call on them with a deep breath as the nauseous feeling takes over and the nurse rattles on about the toxicities of the cisplatin that is being infused. "It's gold" I keep repeating to myself as I take a deep breath and slowly release it and all the toxins that I am holding inside. It is almost 7 am and I have been up since 5:30, and awaken ever 2 hours for changes in drugs, vitals, and can you believe it? weight-which they then wrote on my white board...I think I will go and change that one now!
The sun keeps trying to come out today. I have the most beautiful view of the Seattle skyline, Smith Tower, Columbia Center, University Women's Club, and the just rippling waters of the Puget sound beyond the loading cranes and docks. I have had visitors and callers to wish me good luck, and a few that had no notion that I was in the hospital-business as usual. My cousin called and said my grandma was living her final hours and not expecting to make it but for a few more days. Her 93rd birthday is May 8th-a trip to Florida to see her now would be out of the question-I'll call her and see if we can talk. Steve drove me here, Cori dropped in (I apologize for being on the phone so long), and the kids came in to play games. All great distractions, but there is no quieting my mind for long.
The Guilda's Club luncheon was emotion evoking as I recalled my walk last year down the runway and remembered a fellow model who did not survive the year. The final walk accompanied by the uplifting song "I will survive" brought tears to my eyes as small children twirled in their dresses (leukemia/lymphoma cancer patients), and an 89 year old nearly skipped down the catwalk pumping her arms in victory. Hope and a promise...

warrior to battle

I am getting all the chores done that I haven't gotten to and trying once again to clear out clutter and simplify my life before going to battle. I declined a doctor visit with Dr Kaplan and said just to book me for the recommended treatments and get it over. I cannot imagine the old days when warriors were headed to battle and saying good-bye to loved ones (though I am far from there yet), getting their lives in order and armor on-oh the sleepless nites!

Preparing for Round Three

I had a PT scan last Tuesday and the technician told me that she would have the results to Dr Kaplan the next morning. She, of course, couldn't tell me anything about the results, so wait I did. Next morning I got an offer on the duplex we have listed for sale, and I was frazzled because I didn't have the keys for the unit I wanted to show and I was 5 minutes late. The meeting was intimidating as I was hit with a low offer, but I had to realize, that is the market, and at least it was an offer. I raced from class to my cancer network monthly lunch and made it in time to eat the end of Ellie's salad. Perfect for my new-get back on track-diet. Bill and Elaine (sister and brother in law) were arriving for our first Mariners baseball game, and the weather had changed from sunny to sprinkles (20 degree temp drop). I returned from a losing game to a missed phone call from my doctor-he would call back tomorrow.
Next morning I skipped swimming to relax and enjoy breakfast with our company before they left only to be interruupted from my sudoku game to my blackberry alarm telling me I had a 3 clock hour legal update class in an hour in Bellevue. I grabbed a banana and kissed everyone goodbye racing out the door. The class was great, my offer got better, and I finished my sudoku successfully and waited for the Doctor call until 11:30 and falling asleep, joined Mylo (our grandpuppy) and Steve, in bed.
This morning the sun was out, not only did I get a signed deal on the duplex, making my financial picture brighter, but Bonnie and I have another deal in the works that appears to be going to close, yet the word of the scan still weighed heavy on my mind. Two walks with Mylo later, and back to the office for more paperwork, and then home again. The family gathered and milled around for dinner and the call came in. Results: there are new tumors on the liver and lymph nodes on my neck, so I will be back to chemo treatments next week. I am visualizing the hammer coming down on the little buggers harder this time, and I will be back even stronger. Stay tuned.

Flying High

Wish I had a picture for this one, but Steve took it on his cell phone and I don't yet know how to get it out of that box...
Steve and I went down to my brother, Todd's house last Sunday to celebrate the spring birth dates of my 2 brothers, niece, brother-in-law, and nephew. We are not doing presents anymore due to the economy, but we never fail to find reasons to feast-as if last weeks Easter feast wasn't enough. This time we arrived early so that I would not miss a ride on Todd's newly painted kit airplane (Steve still won't venture out in this plane and is scared to have me fly either and constantly kids about the leftover screws).
Todd and I were both eager to get up in the air, and I had no expectations for the trip other than a buzz over Crest airfield where Todd lives, since that is what every other waiting person has gotten. But, I was there early, and no one was waiting, nor were there any inclement weather warnings so Todd must have decided to show me the best time-something I would remember.
We climbed into the 2 seat er plane and seat belted ourselves in as Todd explained the instrument panel in front of us and put on his headphones, and Steve stood by taking pictures on his cell phone (I was surprised he was even watching). We taxied down the runway, lifting off and turning south toward majestic Mt Rainier. We had to get out of Kent first and sailed at 175mph over a multitude of lakes with beaver debree-no boats yet-sprawling farms, and a few small towns that dissipated into wilderness, all the while the sun smiling brightly on us. I simply asked if Todd ever flew by Mt Rainier and he must have took it to mean I wanted to go in that direction because we headed straight for it in it's full glory. The summit was circled by linen white fluffy stacked clouds that Todd explained meant there were high winds and we shouldn't get too near, nevertheless we weaved through mountain tops closer than I had imagined we would as I recalled the days before I learned to drive when Todd fearlessly took me for 360 spins in his Austin Healey on ice in the parking lot. Perhaps to ease any tension I might have, Todd explained we had plenty of room above the treetops, and were staying right within the valley so as to have ample room for turning around. As we approached I could see the glaciers on the mountain and was in awe of the deep turquoise blue coloring I had only seen once before from a cruise ship in Alaska. The avalanche danger was so much more apparent from this angle. "Where is Crystal ski area",I asked, and Todd banked the plane. "Do you think anyone is climbing?", and he showed me the ridge past Paradise where climbers would be, but we saw no one. I could imagine the assent to the summit, the heavens, but remembered the comment about the clouds and winds and avalanche danger and was glad no one was out risking their lives. I turned my head to see a huge waterfall cascading down the mountain as we cruised through another valley, then suddenly I saw 3 white mountain goats jumping up the rocks and excitedly pointed them out to Todd who immediately turned abruptly around leaving my stomach in my throat only to find they had hidden from sight. "Last week I saw a herd of elk" he said, and we headed in the direction they had last been sited. "Look down there, there is an airfield, see the white strip?" It was covered with snow and we headed down as if to land...a near touch and go, I held my breath, and we headed up again. Beautiful! Out of the valley between the forested mountains, we banked south and spotted the herd of elk laying in the field. Todd returned to buzz the herd who pretended not to see us and lay lazily in the sun. Amazing that you found them again! Wow. It had been nearly an hour, and I was sure that Steve thought we must have crashed, but we landed without a bump from the most amazing ride of my life. Thanks Todd, for a beautiful gift. You are extremely talented.