Namaste

"The light within me honors the light within you". I feel your energies here in the hospital, and I call on them with a deep breath as the nauseous feeling takes over and the nurse rattles on about the toxicities of the cisplatin that is being infused. "It's gold" I keep repeating to myself as I take a deep breath and slowly release it and all the toxins that I am holding inside. It is almost 7 am and I have been up since 5:30, and awaken ever 2 hours for changes in drugs, vitals, and can you believe it? weight-which they then wrote on my white board...I think I will go and change that one now!
The sun keeps trying to come out today. I have the most beautiful view of the Seattle skyline, Smith Tower, Columbia Center, University Women's Club, and the just rippling waters of the Puget sound beyond the loading cranes and docks. I have had visitors and callers to wish me good luck, and a few that had no notion that I was in the hospital-business as usual. My cousin called and said my grandma was living her final hours and not expecting to make it but for a few more days. Her 93rd birthday is May 8th-a trip to Florida to see her now would be out of the question-I'll call her and see if we can talk. Steve drove me here, Cori dropped in (I apologize for being on the phone so long), and the kids came in to play games. All great distractions, but there is no quieting my mind for long.
The Guilda's Club luncheon was emotion evoking as I recalled my walk last year down the runway and remembered a fellow model who did not survive the year. The final walk accompanied by the uplifting song "I will survive" brought tears to my eyes as small children twirled in their dresses (leukemia/lymphoma cancer patients), and an 89 year old nearly skipped down the catwalk pumping her arms in victory. Hope and a promise...