Monday, July 30, 2007

Ovarian Cancer Run (afternoon version)

Did you have fun today? It would have been easier to lay in bed this morning at 6AM and listen to the falling rain! The turnout was incredible! I lost count at over 80 and we raised over $11,000.

Today was the culmination of the tidal wave of love I have been surfing since Marilyn Dierickx, team captain for Team Sussex, launched the sign up for this event benefiting ovarian cancer research.

When I signed up, it was with trepidation and just a tiny bit of fear that this wave would be too big for me to tackle, but as it approached, I had no choice but to embrace it and ride it for all it was worth!

As the numbers surged so did the love that I felt and the energy that love brings with it, and I literally could have run the 10K this AM because it carried me!

At the start line I met Sara, a 29 year old 3x survivor (perhaps she is another cat figure with 9 lives - you go girl!), we embraced and were overwhelmed with emotion as our journeys collided. At the end of the race, the survivors assembled to be recognized and photographed and I met Donna - there in her wheelchair with oxygen and tubes coming from her arm, and I realized that many of those assembled would not be with us next year to celebrate the 2nd Annual for Team Sussex and partly because they do not have the prayers, love and support that I do. It is a healing power and I am thankful to you all for each and every day.

So go out there and touch someone new today with that powerful love force and pay it forward. That is God's blessing to all of us, and see you next year at the start line.


I love you all!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Summer Run 2007

Today was awesome simple put. We woke at 5:30 AM to the sound of pouring rain on the roof and it would have been easy to pull up the covers and stay in the warm bed, but up we all got to meet at the church parking lot where people were already gathered to pick up their race numbers and carpool to the start. My sister-in-law, Sandy, spent the night and walked with us on her birthday!

I debated wearing a second jacket but knew from previous experience that it would warm up soon once we started walking in the now muggy weather. Groups continued to join us as the carpools found parking and I was beginning to feel like a the bride at my wedding wanting to hug everyone and reconnect with faces I hadn't seen in a long time. The sheer numbers were energizing as we tried to round up the forces and take a group picture. A wound up aerobics instructor lead stretching excercises to get us warmed up with band jazzing it up in the background. Chelsea came over to introduce me to Sara whom she had just met-a 29 yr old 3 time survivor fighting once again for her life. Emotions ran strong and we vowed to stay in touch. We kept a strong pace and talked along the way. The rain let up just as the race started. Friends and family of friends along the way cheered us on and before we knew it the race was over.

John Curley from Evening magazine MC'd the event and the SeaGals thru tennis balls into the crowd of participants to give away prizes. One winning team raised $23,000 (we were over $11,000-not bad for our first attempt). A sponsoring company gave $100,000-I don't know the total dollar amount, but it was an amazing event with so much money raised for research. Dr. Saul Rivkin, the ovarian cancer specialist to whose wife this race was dedicated, and a member of my medical team at Swedish Center, was there to thank the crowd.

The survivors grouped together at the end and it was an inspirational reward to know that we were not alone in our varied journeys.

Your support has carried me and energized me through and I cannot thank you enough. The after party at Tamae and John's was fun and much appreciated. Chelsea promised to type up the blog I wrote at naptime, so you will not doubt get my afternoon version of the day as well, but had to let you all know I love you all...Give your friends and family who support you the same love you send out to me and you will get it back exponentially...I promise.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

New support team

Wanda, my new support team partner, was diagnosed with cancer nearly the same time as I, and today I was able to meet with her. She has struggled with chemo side affects that I had limited exposure to and I feel for her in a way that only a survivor can relate to. We bonded in a new way. I showed her my naked head, and she rallied to spontaneously shave her shedding head and honored my by allowing me to snip a lock. We joked about the pharmacy we both have on our dirty kitchen counters, and what works and what doesn't, talked about recycling the flower vases that surely the Mercer Island Florist (thanks Diane) must think is going to the morgue-ha ha, we LIVE though the flowers die (and thank you to all you from both of us to those who have sent flowers-they are beauty for a fleeting moment in time), and I left with a new matching silk scarf, and a new resolution to live each moment as best we can. Can't wait to be with you again-I believe in you Wanda. You rock.

A New Foundation

Each day gets more exciting as we near the start gate for tomorrows run. We banded together and partied at Nick and Sue's new house on the water with the masters swim group in celebration of exciting new goals and a good life! I was expecting no more than a food fest and viewing of a fabulous new house with the best goal setting team I know when Nick and Karen-(best dedicated swimmer on the team and best friend-coach) announced that they were setting up a new foundation in my honor to fund cancer reasearch! Kelly Sterling (our accountant and another talented swimmer friend) is setting up the venue to donate money for cancer research. Give him a couple of weeks. We have all been touched in some way with cancer, and it seems the cure is near, but so far (especially when you are experiencing the disease). So in memory, or in honor of , or on the anniversary of the one you know who is afflicted with this disease, we are setting up this foundation. You can donate whenever you feel touched and all the proceeds will go toward research. This they dedicated to me not upon my death, but in my living days to inspire and support ME and make a difference NOW for everyone. It will go on till I am cured, but I am sure the ripple effect will be grand. What a party. Thank you so much Bellevue Club Masters...you are all awsome.

THE RUN-we are meeting at the MI Presbyterian Church at 6:30-6:45 and will carpool, or I will be meeting Earl at 7:30 at the registration desks at 747 Broadway if you are registering tomorrow so that we can band together. We have surpasseed our goal of $10,000 and are 80 strong in number! WOW, do I have a support team or what! Thank you, thank you, thank you. There will be an after the run party at 5 PM at my neighbor's house, bring an appetizer, drinks provided, at 9019 61st Ave SE. See you all there.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

In Sickness and in Health

I have been contemplating the meaning of love from many different perspectives since the diagnosis. One day I am talking wedding vows with my daughter and future son-in-law, the next day I am talking about sex over 50 with my girlfriends, or nurturing a baby after helping Erica nanny. It has been a wild ride.

When I go back to the baby love, the unconditional love discussion comes back into play. I remember an unconsolable baby and slam dunking him into the crib or passing him off to someone who was better able to have patience with him, then I think about how much better that was than having to deal with a crack baby or what adopted parents must go through. Go to Child Haven and spend some time rocking and caring for babies that have Mothers who cannot take care of them. It makes you appreciate life and what you have. Our councelor at Swedish Center suggested volunteer somewhere. After much thought and reflection, the reality of volunteering does help you see the love we take for granted. There is always someone who is worse off than you who needs your love and affection.

The wedding planner gets to revisit another stage of love. My mother asked me to write 10 reasons why I was marrying Steve, and it made me think about the depth of each of my responses, which at age 21 seemed rather shallow at first thought. I lost those responses (I knew you would ask), but the ones I retained were the volunteer ones that Steve wrote for me. I review them when I wonder what we had in common then that are still there to grow on after 30 years. I have asked Erica and Dan to write their 10 reasons...are they deep enough to last a lifetime?

The girl's nite out makes me reflect on love after 50...life after the kids are out of the nest, or perhaps not...divorce, vasectomies, menopause, hot flashes, sleeping and work schedules, and the irritating habits that have persisted or developed after so many years that we cannot cope with. Such is the imputus of stress and ailments. We have to slow down, go back to baby state when we loved ourselves. I have discovered at this stage we need to love ourselves once again before we can possibly love others. THEN we are to reach out and love our neighbor as ourself. Slowing down, taking time to love myself is what this cancer has done for me.

There are volumes that could be writen from these simple thoughts, but perhaps something in the brevity creates your own story and you will use it constructively to begin to balance or heal your own life. The ripple effect is amazingly strong.

Someone from the next generation needs to add the next paragraph-I love the stories that you tell! God has planted me next to old folks who add so much to my life.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Half way there

If I am to go the minimum number of treatments, then I am half way there! I will be going in for a new CT scan next week to actually see the shrinkage of the tumors. Meanwhile, I have an up and coming run/walk that is energizing just by the sheer numbers who have decided to take up the challenge and walk or run for this cause and in support of ME! (Marsha Rivkin Summer Run for Ovarian Cancer-Team Sussex-for those of you who still want to sign up or donate). Thank you everyone and I am looking forward to celebrating with you all. We will be meeting at 6:45am this coming Sunday am at the MI Presbyterian Church where we will be carpooling if you want to join us last minute. I am doing yoga, walking, and swimming in preparation, and am looking forward to meeting other survivors who will be wearing blue shirts. It is amazing the amount of energy a group with a cause can create.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Sail Away

I am getting back on track at work, making phone calls, catching up with people, reading my emails, checking things off my to-do list, and generally feeling great. My cousin arrived from Chicago yesterday and my 2 brothers, their wives, my sister, and most all the cousins arrived at the Casita for dinner and yes, Margaritas! My cousin hasn't been in town since my Dad died almost 15 years ago-where does the time go? We all sat around talking about our youth and some of the crazy things that we did as kids. We laughed and all pitched in on preparing dinner and cleaning up afterwards. Aren't family reunions the best-I even crash other peoples' family reunions whenever I can cause they are so great-thanks Tamblyns for the Camp Patton invite-we should all have more of them.
I got a reminder call this morning that I was signed up to attend a clock hour class in Issaquah tomorrow (we have to take continuing education classes to renew our license and the renewal is approaching). The class was free if I attend, and the subject was technology and I can never keep up with that, plus there is a free lunch! If I wait until the deadline, I will inevitably miss some critical business because I will have to take an intensive week off to accomplish the clock hour requirement. But I worked today, I had a dentist appointment I needed to go to, and I missed the entire day with my cousin. The good thing was that I stayed out of the heat and did accomplish some things.
My brother is 2 years younger than I and when he turned 40 we nearly lost him to a sudden heart attack on New Years Day. It changed his life. He walks every day. He altered his diet, and he retired last year. He sails alot. Didn't I learn anything?
I could go to the class tomorrow, or I could play hooky and go sailing with my brother and my cousin. If you call and I don't answer, leave me a message. I will be out sailing.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Anticipation

My 3rd chemo treatment is quickly approaching, this Friday the 13th. Good thing I am not superstitious. I am feeling stronger every day and I am sure it is thanks to all of you out there who are praying for me, encouraging me, and helping me every step of the way-Thank you, thank you, thank you....
My friend and fellow church goer, Kristin Salerno offered me "Reike" at her house, a Japanese originated hands on healing technique. I could not turn her down. She first presented me with an eagle feather that she told me she had scouted for me the day before as she prepared for the session. It was a juvenille feather, and smaller than she had hoped for, but perhaps, since she hadn't read my blog yet she didn't know how appropriate the juvenille feather actually was. I have been retreating to childhood in many ways since the diagnosis-letting others take care of me, mindlessly eating or rejecting food offered to me without thinking about it, deligating tasks that I otherwise would have been strong doing, basically learning to walk again... She explained that she felt the eagle, a strong bird represened me, with fluffy, weak feathering at the base of the feather, and stiff, strong feathering at the tip. I had actually been watching 2 juvenille eagles play only the night before from the casita as they fished just off shore in front of us. I am always in awe of the power and beauty of those birds. I had gone to sleep thinking of the wings lifting me along my journey when I needed help soaring above it all. Kristin was in sync with my thinking that evening.
The session lastest over an hour with very relaxing music, and light hand placement on various parts of my body. I lay face up, and with eyes closed nearly drifting off to sleep-my body was begging for a massage, but the mind went there without intrusions of physical pressure. It was a beautiful gift.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Wind in your hair


Last Saturday Erica was running the garage sale again. Mike Backes came cruising by on his Harley to give me a ride. It was back to the High school days when I was "Motorcycle Mama". The ride was even more comfortable since there was a seat on the back with a backrest, and I had a helmet-it didn't used to be the law that you had to wear a helmet and I loved the wind in my hair. Saturday I had no hair and my head would have either gotten sunburned, or chilled, or both if I didn't have that awesome helmet that made me look so cool. We cruised to Alki beach and visited Jean and Roland at their beachfront house. On the ride home we took the beach strip route where I must have counted a dozen Harleys. As they passed they gave us the special low five wave saved for other Harley drivers. Good thing it wasn't this week when the Seafair Pirates landed and traffic was at a standstill.
I had been listening (and singing along, I admit) to the title track "Live like you are dying". In the past that song makes me cry, and now so even more, but I love it anyway. In the song, a son asks his father what he did when he received the diagnosis that he was dying, and his father answers-"I went sky diving, I went Rocky Mountain climbing, I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu. And I loved deeper, and I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying. And I hope you get the chance to live like you are dying."
The song and the Harley ride were just the ticket to make the day even more beautiful...thanks Mike for taking me away.

Sleepless in Seattle

I got up to post another blog entry and both kids were still out. Isn't it funny how we take our sleep for granted when we get it, and when we cannot sleep, it is when we need to most.

I watched the Planet Earth concert on TV just before bed. It is amazing to see how people all over the world can come together over world issues through concerts-everybodys music singing the same message and making a difference for all of us. Change our light bulbs to energy saving ones, drive fuel efficient cars, or carpool, or don't drive-ride the bus, use your own grocery bags when you buy small items at the store, don't use plastic, recycle, use cloth diapers (remember the days)...just one small effort makes a worldly difference. Thought I would pass the message on to those of you who weren't watching TV, because I think we all tend to go back to the easy way and forget the smallest things.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Unconditional Love

As long as the earth exists there will be rain followed by sun. It is required so that life can sustain itself. Some life is more tolerant of drought and thrives in the desert but planted in the wrong climate, shrivels and dies. When tended to by the gardener, any plant can be sustained and even thrive where planted. Such is love...
Two months ago my partner, Bonnie's mother died. After 7 years of lock-down in an Alzheimer's facility she never wished to go to, she was ultimately moved to a home in a neighborhood to a room with a view of Lake Washington. At that point she didn't have the energy to escape the building so her care was somewhat easier, but lack of mobility and enthusiasm for life made care giving difficult at the same time.
For the 7 years and a few preceding the move I witnessed the unconditional love that Bonnie had for her mother even though she denied such love could exist. I would go with Bonnie to visit her mother, Patricia, on occasion and watch as they greeted each other. Pat was angry at being there and seemed to need a scapegoat. Bonnie received hurtful and angry comments, when I could draw out conversations of traveling days and fun adventures in snippets of seemingly unrelated conversations, yet Bonnie continued to visit and love her mother as she remembered the fun person her mother had been, with the slow realization that we are a part of that person-that has gifted us life.
One Seattle morning the sun broke out of the clouds. Bonnie called me and said Pat was "going" and she didn't know what to do. The urge to call for help was strong but we knew it was time to let nature take it's course, and that that was exactly what Pat had wished for. Nonetheless at the final hour it is hard for those left to say goodbye regardless of how much time we have to prepare for that earthly departure. I raced up to her with Bonnie. The hospital nurse was trying to get pain killer medicine but there was too much paperwork left undone so we sat at Pat's bedside and talked as bubbles seeped from the oxygen hose attached to Pat's nose. Pat's brow was tense and furrowed, her eyes had a worried expression. "Call your sister, Bonnie" - "She needs to be here", "Your children are all here-they are coming to see you", I said to Pat. "No, Laurie can't get here, she is in Louisiana", Bonnie retorted. I waived my hand to shush her. "You are going on a trip, a journey, are you ready?" Her brow softened, "Bonnie, do you have any music your mom likes we could get" I was thinking about things that would help me relax and melt away to a different place...No, we couldn't think about those details now. "Where would you like to go now?" "It's ok to go." I said. The pain and tenseness left and we watched an incredible peace come over Pat's body as her spirit departed that sunny day. The transformation was freeing and beautiful as we realized the body is just a vehicle for the living spirit that left on that journey she had been longing to take.