Anorexia is defined as having a lack of appetite, so I guess I qualify for that one the day following chemo, and for up to 5 days after if subsequent chemo treatments are like the 1st. The 1st go round, I lost about 10 lbs which I didn't think was all bad, yet others seem to be overly concerned and try to get me to eat when I don't feel like it. How many times have I tried diets in the past only to find my body just seems to settle out at a certain weight in the end just because that corresponds to how balanced my life is at the time, and what issues I am dealing with. We certainly are obsessed with weight issues but most of that ends up to being how much we love ourselves just the way we are.
I don't love myself when I am sick. I feel dependant on others to do the household things that make the place run smoothly. I am easily irritated by dirty dishes in the sink, the dog begging because she hasn't been fed-or just because she has become accustomed to eating off our plates since we don't sit down at the dinner table together because our schedules are so sporadic, laundry sitting around, and just a lot of clutter in the house. Perhaps that all makes it easier to just go to bed and convalesce.
Today the sun came out and warmed up the place! Earl called to ask how I was doing-he is my old friend who is now everyone's personal trainer because he is so upbeat and fit-fun to work out with and fun to look at. He was working Laura, a 15 year old girl who on her last day of school who was working hard to train for soccer so that she could better herself. I made Sean come with me since he has nearly given up workouts since hanging up his speedo, and taking to sleeping in after party nites out. We watched the workout, enjoyed the sun, and walked twice around the track-this was after I nearly passed out this morning before taking my antinasea meds and not eating. I have decided to listen to my body and recover faster by trying a bit harder-mind over matter. It really works. Earl took us out to eat at The Islander and it was great to see a party on the deck and all those smiling faces. Brenda Paull and Susan Kaplan (my Dr's wife) were at the restaurant! We talked about what it takes to be a great athelete, the dedication, the perseverance. Natural talent can only get you so far, then it comes to mental discipline. I am so lucky to have such a great support team and the physical abilities that I have.
No lack of appetite here! Balance is the key.