Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Emotional Overload

The therapist, Chava, said, "you are all in emotional overload, how do you cope?". I knew that we all were dealing with it in different ways, each of us with different reactions, coping methods, remedies. Erica had insisted that we all go to a therapist, as I said before, I am now open to any and all methods of healing. I know I need help, Dr Kaplan is my leader, he had given us Chava's name. Steve had said anyone with a Dr degree knows more than we do, we should listen. None of us could argue, ultimately, that a shrink was the right decision, though we have made excuses in the past that we could handle this on our own-this appt was FREE-that is always my excuse. It was the outing of the day, and it turned out to be a very good day.
I reddied for the appt slowly. I was still naseaus and hadn't gotten rid of my toxins (I still hadn't pooed), the medicines seemingly weren't working their magic in my timeline (NOW-I had given that I would be better from chemo in 3 days, seeing as most feel sick for a few days after, perhaps 5 days after chemo). I had taken Ambien, a sleeping drug that others had said was their coping friend, and it produced "Chemo Last Friday" middle of the night-perhaps I was sleepwriting.

I think I missed a date with some friends who were coming to visit, (sorry Q and Colleen-you are so important to me) because our appt ran overtime. Jean Ramberg was coming to visit, I couldn't wait to talk with her (she ran "camp Ramberg" when my kid's were 5 years old, right next to the Mercerwood Shore Club on the banks of Lake Washington). This was my therapy to date, friends and family, my huge support system, my community.
It was now 10:30, our appt was for 11:30, the pressure was on. I am notoriusly late, something that I admit to needing work with. Steve likes to arrive 3 hours before a domestic flight at SeaTac, I could skid in 1/2 hr before with carry on luggage-no wait! I am learning to slow down fast now. It does have it's healing effects. Phew, the ginger tea, stool softeners, antinasea pills, were all kicking in here just in the nick of time, I had even had a refreshing shower and was feeling strong again. God does answer prayer. I am so lucky to be able move by myself, what if I had been hit by a bus and been debilitated, how would I have coped with that one? Emily Easton, a dear child diagnosed with CP, now age 22, had written me an inspirational card that God loves me-thank you Emily, you have endured alot and found God through your experience, we are the lucky ones.
The appt lead us to the Floor 1 Cancer Education and resource center where were met wonderful volunteers who enlightened our journey with gifts of available classes, massage, yoga, art, along with free cotton hat, cancer pins, stuffed pink bear, and shower lotions and potions. We were told to check into Guilda's club-a club I have not had time to attend, but which I have financially supported in the past, now here for me! I checked out a tape to help me go to sleep without the help of Ambien. We booked another appt with Chava for me by myself.
The day just got better as it went on. I escaped to the Casita with Jean for a spell and the sun broke through on the waterfront (I expect the rainbow was out since it always is when the sun breaks through the rain on that part of the lake, but the conversation was the rainbow). I broke the new rules about dinner at 6:30 since Chelsea came over to help Erica (they have become good friends from this experience) right at dinnertime, and Steve ate by himself. Then broke the rules again as I was redding for bedtime (Erica, gatekeeper, had left to get her frozen yogurt fix with Chelsea) and Sharon Scott arrived with magazines, comfort candy, and her beautiful wedding dress in answer to my prayers for opening the wedding box. We opened the wedding box at 9 PM, a time I was supposed to be out for the night. Flexibilty is a good thing, we all cope with things in a different way.


Deb said...

Dear Kerry,

I'm following your blog every day (often check 2 or 3 times), and pray constantly for my best friend. I'm so happy (and not at all surprised) that you have such a good support system. Call me anytime if you need to talk to me. And the offer holds that I will be up there anytime you need me.

I love you bigger than the sky!

petagi said...

I too check your blog daily and I marvel at your ability to describe you r feelings and what's happening with such clarity. I am happy that you are getting emotional support from a professional. It really does help.
Anytime you're up to visit Gilda's Club let me know. You know that I am an active ardent fan (volunteer). I am coming by and will look for the balloon.

Keep up that bio feedback.
Hugs to you