Far Ventures

For the last year and a half I have been taking baby steps out and returning quietly and quickly for my next treatment or scan. This Thurs I am preparing to go for another Avastin treatment. One which I don't know the ending for. I also have MRI and mamogram alternately every 6 months, and a higher probability of getting breast cancer since my genetic test was positive for the BRCA1 gene. (Good news - Erica tested negative for the same gene!) Does that mean she will wait to have a family? This December I am planning a month leave to visit Australia, with a short stop in Fiji on the way- with Erica & Dan and Steve. We wish Sean could accompany us, but job responsibilty and cost are factors that have become more important with the current state of the economy. We approach things with caution again as we venture out into the world with new enthusiasm. I am looking forward to leaving my new reality behind for a spell and seeing the extended family on their turf. I have a few more tests to go through before I am considered clear, but haven't felt an urgent need for travel insurance...

Life after

This one is for you Murph! I have been thinking about life after diagnosis and beginning that journey again-after the Cancer word hits...Devastating news, one that you have to get a grip on before you fall victim. This is where you really have to stay strong when traditional medicine is bringing you down. The energy level you get from allowing outside help in the form of visits, bringing meals, flowers, cards, every small effort-and tons and tons of prayers that are felt within the spirit, is energizing if you let it in...there is a tendancy to think we can still be strong on our own, and I have come to realize that we are not alone in this battle even when we feel abandoned and alone, God is with us. He promises us (whenever our time comes) a better place. It is time to enjoy the fruits of your labor and let the love around you lift you.
Today I am feeling normal. My hair is baby soft and just covering my head, and I am looking forward to new energy and returning fully to the work that I enjoyed, the events I participated in, the people I used to connect with, but at the same time, I appreciate LIFE more fully and feel each precious minute and want to encourage those who are suffering through life to find the positive and move towards that which lift us up not pulls us down. Attitude is what gets us through life with a smile on our face, or with a frown. Keep it good. You can choose a fear or love. My advice-Embrace your fear and choose love.

Olympics

It is so exciting and inspiring to watch the Olympics on TV. Sean still has some friends that he trained with and so this is especially fun to watch. Did you see Michael Phelps smile and cheer after the relay? That was the best part. Will he get his 8 medals now? Sue's daughter got to meet him up close and personal, and got a trophy swim cap signed by the legion. Wonder what he got from her???

I am watching the athletes and thinking about the training and phyche that takes place to get to these levels once again. There is so much more involved than just talent and a sport. What are the presidents accomplishing now at the game?

summer run party

Thanks to all you who participated in the great run/walk again. Are you up for a celebration? Steve and I are hosting a party at the Casita (7464 East Mercer Way), this Friday for Happy Hour 5-7PM so come on down-bring an appetizer to share and jump in the lake too. We have lots to celebrate. You don't even have to cancel your plans for the evening to join us for the celebration.

Kangaroo

Erica referenced the kangaroo when she was referring to Mylo spread out on the bed like a sprung kangaroo the other night! It gave me a new visual to which I could relate, having seen the actual animal in it's native land only a few years ago. I am headed there again perhaps as soon as December this year.

Wednesday was getting close to the 2nd annual summer run and Team Sussex was taking full force ~thanks to all my wonderful friends help and support. Marilyn headed up the team again this year for the second year ~ with the help of "Team Mom" Bonnie Sanborn and Co- captain Cori Nickerson! Not to mention ALL my wonderful supporting friends and family ~ what an amazing event, yet again!

Wednesday was open house day and we had a lot to catch up on because the inventory is piling up faster than it can sell here on Mercer Island and Bonnie, Erica and I needed to tour the new listings so that we can keep up with what is selling and what might be good for our clients-or ourselves-Erica just bought, Bonnie just sold and is looking to purchase, and I just listed our home-so we better know the market! Thursday was Steve's birthday and I needed to write an offer and meet with our builder regarding a waterfront lot, so that took up the afternoon plus I was taking Friday off to celebrate with girlfriends, Cori's birthday, which is a whole story in itself-we took the ferry (2 cars & 10 alpha females) to Whidbey Island and hiked, ate, wine tasted, shopped, and basically had a fabulous escape day. I skated in a 7 PM Thurs night with groceries to make Steve's special dinner-forgot the candles, and the cake I left at the check out counter. I had to send Dan back to get it as it came time for desert and I scrounged up one candle that I pieced back together just long enough to sing happy birthday and cut the cake. We all retired early because the morning brings workout classes at 6 am and I had an escape day to prepare for, and a Saturday neighborhood garage sale to set up for since I knew I would be gone most of Friday. I couldn't easily bow out of the garage sale since 10% of the proceeds were dedicated to my ovarian cancer cause besides which I NEED to get rid of lots of clutter and Steve, Erica and Dan were all helping out. Rita and Larry even offered to fix dinner for us so that we could concentrate on the sale.

Steve bought a bike for his birthday, and Dan followed suit and went to pick his bike up on Saturday during the garage sale. Erica and I took turns manning the weak garage sale. We made about $20 for the day since we ended up buying a washer and dryer from the neighbors, and looking at the neighbors stuff to see if we could trade garage space with some of our stuff. Funny but I think we ended up with more stuff than we started out with. Every time I do this I swear I won't do it again, but then again, unless I can recycle it, I cannot seem to part with it.

Sue was wearing her Team Sussex hat in preparation for the run Sunday morning, and we stopped in Langley to go shopping. She had her sunglasses perched on top of her hat covering the letters SUS with the nose piece. The clerk glared at her and asked "what does your hat say?", "team SEX"? We all had a good chuckle and decided later that the idea of Team Sex would actually be a better marketing theme next year. Anyone want to join?

Sunday morning 6:30 came early needless to say, but the adrenaline from all the build up kept me going. I was going to run the 5K and Steve was going to pick up the group and walk. I ate an entire carton of blueberries, grabbed a piece of whole grain bread and banana, and headed out the door. Andrea had walked up (after doing the Torchlite run the note before) from her house to carpool with us, and we were psyched to go. As before, the rondevu at the church pumped me up as the group convened to pick up shirts and entry numbers and head out to meet at the race. Jim took pictures again this year so I will be posting some of them and we can save the rest for the party in a couple of weeks-(and the website will still be open for donations till the party, so sign on and donate and I will have your email to the invite). The race was relatively flat and I managed to catch my breath and run the whole race with one exception near the end when Erica ran up behind me from the 10K overlap and pushed me up the last hill. It was a great feeling to cross the finish line in 32 minutes. I retraced my steps to finish again with my wonderful supporting husband-thanks Steve for coming out-with bad knees, he really was encouraging-proves you don't have to be a runner to come out and support. Bonnie passed out shirts and entry numbers from early registrants, sold Team Sussex hats and rallied the team at the end of the race. It was cold and the parking lot was stagnant so we headed to Starbucks to grab our stimulants and warm up, then returned home to clean up the remains of the garage sale, ride bikes, go to Enso's 2 year old birthday party and crash. Tomorrow starts the tour de Mercer and I plan on kicking off the first leg that starts at Mercerwood at 5:30 am.

OK you athletes

Ready, Set, Go...We are off and running. I am on a roll this week and it is very exciting. The 2nd annual summer run is coming up and this past week has been amazing. I have a neighborhood garage sale coming up this Saturday and 10% of the proceeds are going to benefit the ovarian cancer research. Sunday is the run that starts at 8 AM so if you want to join us we have quite a team signed up already but would love to see everyone there (we are meeting at the MI Presbyterian Church at 6:45-7:10 for those who want to carpool) or you can get more information online and sign up there -here is the link-
http://community.swedish.org/NETCOMMUNITY/Page.aspx?pid=20 -

Then, my swimmer friends are doing the Tour de Mercer starting on Monday the 28th and will be fundraising on my behalf also, so the goal of $11,000 may actually become a reality even though the weather hasn't been too cooperative, nor the economy for that matter...I love it that everyone is sooo supportive. It really gives me strength.

So thanks again all you diehards! I am gaining energy every day and enjoying life. Love you all. Hang in there and get moving!

energizer bunny

Mylo has become a frenzied dog whenever she gets to chasing balls. She cannot control herself and becomes a wild barking maniac and an embarrassment just like any wild 2 year old who has a will of their own. There is never any doubt that she is visiting when we are down at the Casita near the waterfront. She has learned to swim and doesn't want to get out of the water. She will bring the ball up the stairs and drop it at your feet but give you no time to even pick it up before she is barking uncontrollably. We all have to try to be consistent in our discipline. We have tried the bark collar, spraying her with vinegar water till she stinks, yelling at her-"NO BARK", hiding the ball and ignoring her, all to no avail. Sometimes we actually think we are making progress with her-we grab her by the collar, hold her muzzle, and look her directly in the eyes-"NO BARK", till the tail stops wagging (it is only then that the message is heard and she can calm down-don't let go too early).

The other day she escaped from the backyard when I left the gate open for a minute to throw the trash away. I came back into the house and began looking for her as I was needing to get into work. "MYLO!","Here girl". She usually comes running. I searched the house and returned to the yard, then I heard her bark from across the street. I trotted out the back to see a flash of brown across the street at Bill and Joy's house. Oh dear! They are fragile older folks and I was worried about the rambunctiousness of the terrible 2s Mylo, but at least I could see that she was with Dirk, the son. I apologized to Dirk for the escape, but failed to grab Mylo before she had dogged me and run into their house. Joy yelled, "Dirk, there's a dog in the house!". We both hurried into the front door just in time to see Joy rounding the corner into the kitchen with her walker, Mylo on her tail, as the tennis balls on the end of her walker legs were the focus of attention. But wait! Between Joys legs rolled a moving whole tennis ball and Mylo slipped between Joys walker legs to fetch the rolling ball. We avoided catastrophe and I caught Mylo and we exited the house to calm down. Whew! The story has since been elaborated upon and we have all laughed at the visuals it has conjured up. I am acutely aware that tennis balls have new meaning in our house right now. I wonder if Mylo will ever graduate from the school of bark.

Wedding bliss

I have a bazillion pictures of the wedding and haven't had time to figure out best way to share them and tell about the fabulous event. We are already planning our family trip to go to Australia and visit our extended family! It is great reflecting on the tourist things that we did because that is what this great Northwest is all about, and the weather did cooperate fully for their entire visit. The pictures came out beautifully because it was a bit overcast and that meant that we could dance the night away and not get too sweaty. Many afternoons were spent just watching the guys out there on the wake boards having a blast. The music was such a gift! We had 5 different musicians play-Val and Chad played violin and guitar as the bridesmaids and groomsmen walked down the gravel pathway toward the waterfront. Lionel, Dan's brother, played the didgeridoo (an native Australian instrument) at the beginning of the ceremony, and Ari and Tom played guitars and their own awesome music as the bridal party arrived at the reception at the Backes' house. We released 5 white birds (my brother-in-law raises homing pigeons) as symbols of peace, love and free spirits and we all celebrated the homecoming of our empty nests. The event was international and the world became smaller...

My sister and I went in for our mammograms last week and we are awaiting results. Wouldn't you think they could just send us home with a pass card this time? I have to return to my Dr. for Avastin every 3 weeks for a spell (a year?), and I haven't had to do that alone without chemo yet, so I don't know what that will entail, but I am optimistic that I will be free of further treatments for longer this time around! I am regaining energy rapidly and starting to grow tiny hairs again on my head. New beginnings...

THE wedding

Last nite was the wedding of the year and culmination of a year of planning and dreaming. It was even more beautiful than I could have imagined, and a reminder of where we have come from when we were first in love. I just wanted to post a picture so you could see the love in their faces. It brought out the best in all of us and was an international event too.

Nap time

Who would think that Mother of the bride had any time to rest just 2 days before the wedding? This began when Erica put together a schedule for all the out of town visitors and Sean put Steve's cell phone number in charge of coordinating all the events. Steve quickly changed his duty to coordination of all events starting with NAP. I realized that was really not such a bad thing since Mylo-Erica and Dan's puppy, got herself overexhausted just trying to keep up with the Newton family, swimming for balls and jumping off the dock non stop on the hottest day of the year. It was set. 1-4 daily naptime until the wedding-then we had made it, and all bets were off. Anyone was welcome to join in, and I especially thought that Steve would be first to demonstrate what naptime meant-not the case. Master gardener he remains-shoveling yards of new dirt around the gardens that are still being weeded and tended to.

Last weekend, just fresh from 3 days of forced down time in the hospital due to some sinus infection and low white blood cell counts, Erica, Steve and I went to Tanya's wedding in Levinworth at the Sleeping Lady Resort. The setting of inspirational mountains and babbling river sounded like the perfect get away. I was sooo happy just to get out into nature and double excited to be amoungst so many friends at the same time. I watched mother of the bride directing traffic, organizing break down and set up of food, scheduling, and playing in jam sessions (she is an accomplished violinist) and admired her energy. Thank God I hired a wedding planner for this event! It was exhausting just participating in a few events and I realized that everything happens for a reason. I really did need to be aware of over doing it.

I had 3 scheduled events for the day. Michael David was coming at 11am to style my wig (Cori had heard me say I wanted to try a different style for my hair and arranged for this home visit). Marilyn had called me to go to yoga yesterday and arranged to repeat the following day at noon. And lastly, 4pm rehearsal-oh yes, naptime 1-4. Guess that makes 4 scheduled events.

Mylo started talking about a month ago and is getting more verbal all the time. All the barking gets your attention alright, but it is annoying also. She gets in a state of adrenaline high and cannot hear you getting angry and upset as the conversation continues to be onesided. We discussed debarking her, but it seems so permanent and almost cruel, and ended up getting a bark collar that sprays some foul tasting liquid into her jowels when she barks. I am afraid we may have purchased it too late-it is gone before she quits barking, or else we cannot find the collar when we need it, and this has to be a consistant thing in the learning stages, and nothing is consistant right now. Someone mentioned to me that dogs get frenzied and cannot control the adrenaline for hours (they said 24 hrs, but I think that was an exageration) and need to calm down and get centered in order to not be so annoying. It occured to me that this is not so different from humans, but we can calm ourselves by noticing what makes our hearts beat faster and our adrenaline pump and take a nap or excuse ourselves from engaging in whatever activity it is we need to calm ourselves from. I forced Mylo to take a nap with me today to test the theory. She immediately jumped up on the bed and began attacking my bald head and licking my face. I grabbed the sweatshirt on the bed and covered my head and she pulled at the blanket ready to engage me in some fun. I held fast, remembering forced naps with Sean when he was 10 months old, and Mylo calmed down and plunked herself on top of my legs and gave into the naptime energy I was eminating. Rejuvenated by 4pm, I promised playtime when I returned from the rehearsal. Sometimes I find when I leave Mylo alone she is mischeivious and takes pillows off the sofa, or gets into whatever food is left out, but she was not left too long and we played "go find it" and "tug of war" when I got home. She started her barking, but I discovered if I just feed her treats and pay attention to her, she doesn't really need to talk. Her body language and energy level just needs to be addressed. Aren't we humans really the same?

I walked Mylo around the block but spent some time talking on my cell phone and catching up with friends who are all eager to help, thus slowing my pace of dog walking. Michael David and Cori were waiting for me as I walked into the house 3 minutes late and Mylo began her usual greeting of exhuberantly jumping on them both trying to engage them into play. I could already feel the schedule was getting tight in order to get to yoga by 12. No worries, I didn't HAVE to be at yoga-I just knew that it would be good for me to be there, and I had invited the Newtons to join me and Marilyn was expecting me so I didn't want to disappoint. The next 45 minutes were wonderful as we talked about hairstyles, first impressions, weddings, and relationships. Noon came along all too soon and bride, Erica, popped in to admire the hair and give me a ride to yoga. Yoga bliss it was-great stretches, relaxing and prelude for naptime and rehearsal. Take the time to just be in the moment, even if only just for a few moments.

The rehearsal brought new faces to the event as the bridesmaids had arrived from New York, Arizona, Latvia and California while I was napping. More joy and excitement as the musicians (all personal accomplished friends with talent) set up and discussed plans for their gifts of music to the event. Details were laid out and a joining of hands and blessing said and the kids disbanded all too soon to party on. I cannot wait for the symphony of Saturday when it all comes together in it's own unique way.

Pink

Dan and Erica have chosen pink and brown as their colors for their wedding. One would expect pink as the choice of the bride, but really, Dan is in love with the color and of course we joked with him about being in touch with his feminine side when he initially expressed his preference for a girly color. Now I am realizing that is one of the reasons Erica (and all the girls for that matter) are drawn to Dan's energy field. He has a very nurturing, caring side to him that is represented by the soft hue of the color pink, and he is man enough to be proud of his individual choices no matter what others think. I have noticed that in Australia, many of the men have what we Americans would call girl names. I wonder if, in fact, they are really more in touch with their feminine side.

Yesterday, imagine this, 8 Aussie men were in Macy's trying on pink shirts for their wedding attire. I wasn't privy to be there, but I can just imagine the commotion they stirred up-hunky, muscle bound young bucks with shirts off shouting to each other with that melt your heart, Aussie accent, over the isles of gawking shoppers, bare chested. I do hope someone had a camera to document the event. I guess they were ready to disband and separate the herd before the shopping was done, but under the direction of mother of the groom, were able to complete the task of buying matching shirts for a check off the to-do list.

I am picking up one event a day rather than try to fit everything in like I am used to doing, so I made the picnic provided by the Eng family which was to be at the Beach Club. Thank you Eng family! Sean, who arrived in town with Dan and his bachelor friends day before yesterday, and I went to claim tables and soon discovered no parking as there was a swim meet in process. We made a few phone calls and relocated to the Casita. Soon we were chowing down hamburgers, hot dogs, baked beans, cole slaw, veggie plate, and deserts with no clean up because they were all on disposable plates. Thanks God for Costco and good friends! The good ole American way. Brendan, Dan's brother, made his impression by giving the women foot massages (I had bought a mask product for myself and decided to share it with the girls) and we found hidden talent! Lionel, Dan's other brother, serenaded us with the digery doo. It was the end of a perfect nite and the world became closer and smaller.

summer solstice

So much is happening and I have to remind myself to be ever "present". I missed Midsummer nite's dream with Rita and Larry but lingered with the invitation.

Valerie, (whose daughter and longtime friend of Erica's, Tanya is getting married this weekend), Julia (who battled cancer and is moving to Sherman, TX you Regis Clan-help me get them connected, or let me know if you wanna go back), Erica & Dan, Marilyn and Chad, and a slew of other Mercer Islander went to see sold out concert of Barcelona at the Tripple Door last week. It was one of those beautiful evenings where everything just fell into place and the concert was fabulous. Barcelona is a group that debuted one NW season with Chad at our own MI Presbyterian church. They have gone on (without our dear Chad) to national recognition and sing some very powerful music. I thought of so many youth with aspirations of achieving success and marveled at the inspiration it must be to gain recognition, even fame, for their music. Music is a very powerful venue. Artist and other aspiring youth have faith and do what you love, love what you do. The group was inspirational. So nice to see it come across with loving messages too. Julia said her tearful goodbyes to Val and I and left for Texas.

My blood pressure is up again. I am reminded of the trip I took to Australia when my highlight was diving in the infamous Barrier reef). I was not officially prepared, but didn't realize it would be so important because of new liability issues, and didn't bring my dive card current. No worries-I would just be diving with Erica, a beginner. We got on the boat -it was raining of all things so visibility would be bad-but that wasn't gonna get me down-I was goin diving with my daughter! We filled out our cards for the dive with check boxes for every ailment one might have, and I check asthma. They would not let me dive. I was so totally focused on the one event I couldn't feel anything but a gush of tears and totally let down. What was the meaning of the lesson? you might ask-find out what truths you need to tell and be prepared for what you get if you don't know and trust the person who is making the decisions. It has been a good lesson to this day and I have learned to be find out more about the person in charge before going into my own needs and wishes.

Ok, I am going to sleep. Don't miss that I blogged 2x today. Too much time and not enough sleeping ability. Erica, would you post a picture on my blog (oh, I'm a hard to work for boss).

Relay for life!

I am running around the track as fast as I can go with baton outstretched and slowing because I haven't trained for this race! But, YES, my steady partner, Bonnie, is back today, from her much needed vacation to see some special parts of the world on a trip of a lifetime, and is grabbing the baton to finish the race. You're the best, girl. Thanks for coming back at just the right time.
We all want to hear about the trip of a lifetime, so please, post us a blog response now...no hurry.
Someone help me cheer her to the finish while I recoup. Who has a recent picture of the two of us? Can you email it to me?

smoothies,IVs,and blankeys

Good thing I have such a powerful team behind me to help me when I have a two day down time. I am re hydrating at Swedish and will be back to responding to all those emails and voice mails that Erica is trying to keep up with so be patient with me-it should only be a couple of days! Meanwhile I have a new waterfront listing so book a showing with Erica or just let us know what you need and Bonnie and I will handle your business with the team energy it deserves.
Swedish summer run is now online, so you can join us online or email her at marilyndierickx@comcast.net or just sign up thru her if you are not an online person. I am excited about the 2nd annual run and the party afterwards should also be a great one-I hope all team members can make it after the race.

reunion

I am not the only one who dreams big and doesn't always get there, but in our failures, we draw strength. I had to remind myself today to welcome the challenges ahead. I want to do everything yet still lack the energy on a daily basis to fit it all into a day. The wedding is creeping up on us and the house needs a little attention. That is just the tip of the iceburg. No dropping the ball!
I received a HS reunion invitation to my 35th HS reunion back in Connecticut. It was a surprise that they could still locate me after all these years, but last year has brought some old blood back into my life. Great to know I still have roots. Today, I got a cancellation notice for the reunion, but I don't think this was the year for me anyhow, just nice to see who responded. Hey you all out there-who did respond?
I look back over the old blog entries and see the production for the wedding didn't get on TV, but it still will be the production of the year. I am glad that reality TV was not in my living room. I will post pictures.

summer run 2008

Just a quick note that the 2nd annual run benefiting ovarian cancer research is this July 27th and I am hoping you will all join me again this year-even stronger. I am going to start training this next week and see how far I get before the wedding...You can sign up or just donate and see last years pictures on the Team Sussex website for the Marsha Rivkin summer run.

Dismount

The gymnast lifts her body off the bar, balancing briefly, then throws herself forward full circle to the original point of beginning. Repeat. It takes strength and just enough energy to return to that point without falling forward or not reaching the top, and if done too much it can be dizzying and very disappointing. This is my visual of life lately and I am ready to dismount now for a spell.

Life, it seems, is full of circles. We start on one track and seem to wind up back at the beginning after a journey, only to start over again, perhaps in a slightly different circle.

Of new beginnings-Erica and I went to a wedding shower last night for Tanya Giesbrecht. I remember when the girls were just little ones, determined and confident in their choices from day one. It is so fun to see them grow up and find their new mates. We arrived and took paper and pen to write marriage advice and see if the bride could match author to words before binding it in a book to review at some later moment when the reminder was needed. It was a good exercise for the entire group and the lessons could take chapters of individual experiences, I am sure. " Love like you want to be loved. Keep the chemistry exciting. Have a arsenal of sexy underwear. Don't discuss anything of importance after 10 PM. Always have a cookie jar full of cookies-recipe of chocolate following. Be flexible least you be bent out of shape. Greet your husband with dinner when he comes home from a long day at work-meat and potatoes and apple pie (remember the old Betty Crocker days). Nurture each other's interests. " Wonder what the guys would come up with... I think food and sex would be on the list.

more love

I received a crochet blanket just in time for my last chemo yesterday from my friend Debbie in California. I opened it and out came this beautiful vibrant colored blanket with cuddly square for rubbing on my face. Thank you everyone who contributed. I was an effort of love I won't forget. I has been colder than Siberia (really!) here so it is appreciated even though it is already June.

Erica & I went to Pike Place market because the sun came out yesterday for the first time in weeks and we wanted to eat out before I couldn't taste for another week. The french cafe at the market was sweet, like going to Paris. The sunny outside dining in the alley patio was playing french music and I drifted away. We raced over afterwards to grab some fresh vegetables at the market and flowers that always make you smile before rushing back for an appointment on the Island then racing over to the hospital.

Cori took me over and my favorite nurse, Amy, greeted me. We joked about alot of things and Cori filled me in on her latest dates, and I started my last cocktail right on schedule. Steve came to relieve Cori and have dinner with me later when he could find free parking on the street. We still had a private room with a view and we snuggled into one bed together for a spell. The nite was filled with short interruptions, but I managed to get a fair amount of sleep. Glad to be home today and off the leash from the IV to the bathroom.

My speech for Relay for life was great-though I did have to read most of it and I am needing my glasses to read fine print now-ugh! Several people have stopped me since and said thank you for the inspiration. All worth while.
I dropped by church after my open house on Sunday and reconnected albeit briefly with old familiar faces. Thanks to Marilyn for catching me as I was picking up my signs and suggesting I just hop on by church.

Kathy picked up my dress for the mother of the bride and got it from her in the correct size on Sunday nite. It is beautiful and I will wait to share when I get the wedding pics back. (Not like prom when the kids share on facebook in case someone has the same dress). Backes, Sussexs and wedding planner, Jennifer met to finalize details-it's a big process! I saw the movie Sex and the city and am trying not to imagine the crazy ending of planning gone bad! Lots of events planned ahead.

Bonnie is off on the World Cruise ship to Greece and Turkey! Wow does it sound amazing. Somehow getting away sounds fabulous too, but that will have to wait for me. I think about the trip only one year ago to Egypt and know that I have had some great opportunities to see the world. Go when you can and it will be with you forever. Peace out...

moving

The whole moving business requires a lot of psychology. Giving up a space where memories have taken place-whether good or bad-is a difficult thing. Going through all the stuff as you pack refreshes those memories. If you are like me, the process can drag out so much longer than you had anticipated because of all the detours that come along memory lane while the packing, decluttering, and organizing are going on. I consult people in the moving process as my business but I learn so much along the route.
This past month our duplex had a vacancy and the previous tenant helped me ready the space for the next tenant. At the same time, Erica and Dan are moving into their new home (painting and getting things operational), wedding plans are formalizing and getting down to last minute details, my fashion show and speech events took top billing, we bought new furniture so our own house had some reorganization going on, I still had a chemo treatment to fit in, we were finalizing our wills, and new applicants needed to be interviewed. I started listening to time management tapes and prioritizing events-I was on overload! All I could see was cash flow issues. I needed to spend more time on work, but life got in the way.
Today I can check most of those accomplishments off my list, but the duplex vacancy hasn't been filled. I have met some very interesting folks in the process and am still saying good bye to past inhabitants. I thought that I had the place rented and spent a lot of time and energy discovering credit checks and criminal reports are not easy to get anymore. As of May 1st, as a landlord or property manager, you have to get both your place of business and your rental unit checked out by the credit check agency (all in good faith I am sure due to all the identity theft issues). I finally had to turn the applicant down because I did persist on getting a credit report which was personally furnished, and turned out to be unacceptable after many conversations to the contrary. I looked at the application once again as I called to say I was sorry to have to turn him down-the name said it all-Phuc Vu.
The previous tenant's girlfriend has left behind belongings. She claims to have nowhere to live now and wants time to find space for her stuff. Today I can clear my mind to think about how to handle this one! Homeless! Today I can be thankful to have a place to call home-one that is not being reposessed!

HS relay for life speach

Fear-Embrace it and it will go away. Public speaking and being bald are 2 of my biggest fears. I am here today to face and embrace them in hopes that these fears will go away.
(take off my hat) Go ahead and laugh, my mechanism for overcoming my baldness is envisioning all of you with bald heads!
I like to start each day with GRATITUDE and THANKS! So to God, my Doctor, my family, and my community of which you are all a VITAL part, THANK YOU. Thank you for your participation in Relay for Life.
Today is a celebration of LIFE. Congratulate yourselves for making a positive difference by challenging yourselves to go physically beyond you comfort levels for such a worthy cause. I would ask you to make one more concession of you comfort levels and that is that you give and ask generously, AGAIN BEYOND YOUR COMFORT LEVEL , for money to fund the American Cancer Society for much needed research.
I would ask you today to do one more thing for yourselves and for those that come after you. Make up your genetic family tree. Make up a genetic family tree noting where your relatives came from and what diseases they may have had. Genetics play a huge part of determining what each and everyone you and yours will face in the future as it relates to CANCER and many other diseases. Passing this kind of information on to your kids, grand kids, and great grandchildren WILL make a difference in saving lives. PLEASE DO THIS!
Look around you. There are 12 million cancer survivors nation wide, each 25 second is a new diagnosis. More than 70% of teens in HS have already been impacted by cancer whether by a personal diagnosis, or family, or friend. Listen to each other on the track and at the camp out. We need each other as well as draw strength from one another. This is a classic ripple effect. We communicate and support each other by so doing. Drop a stone in the water and watch the ripples cast themselves 360 degrees in all directions pushing aside all obstacles in their way.ctions and reverberate on obstacles in their way. And so it is with our communications; we get more than we give.
Some of you may be asking, "Who are you?". I'm Wanda Calderon's cancer buddy, retired swimming coach's (Steve Sussex's ) wife, MIHS swimmers Sean and Erica's mom, Bonnie Sanborn's Real Estate partner, bald crazy runner, as well as friend to many who have supported me and my family in this wonderful community of love, Mercer Island.
25 years ago my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and I quickly became her caregiver. During this time I felt hopeless and alone. I turned to running in order to cope with the pain-not unlike Forrest Gump who ran to ease his own pain, soon to be joined by crowds with and in support of him. Today, like Forrest, I run with others in support of their unspoken challenges. During my Mother's illness I watched her strength wain as well as fear of the family and friends surrounding her. In those days cancer was more of an absolute death sentence than it is today, and no one wanted to talk about it. Our conversations during those last days produced indelible memories that I will cherish forever.
May 17, 2007, I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer. My 48 year old Cousin had recently died of ovarian cancer of which, until my diagnosis, I didn't know, was closely linked to breast Cancer, from which both my mother and grandmother died. Basically I had dropped the ball on doing my genetic medical history research and consequently was totally blindsided with my diagnosis. How many have heard about a new vaccine for cervical cancer that is for teenagers? Research is advancing rapidly thanks to benefits such as The Relay for Life.

Several years ago my son, Sean, was training for the Olympic Trials. I marveled at his strength and determination, and during one of my runs began to wonder what words I could use to inspire and motivate him to attain that extra .04 seconds, to kick harder, swim faster, and kick some butt. It was on that run these thoughts developed into words that would later come full circle. I wrote them unknowingly for myself. As I approached 53rd street that day-my most dreaded hill on Mercer Island, I embraced these words to fuel the relentless pain of that hill. I challenge my hills every day and challenge you to go forth and pass this on, thereby causing your own "Ripple effect".
Here are those words:
"CHALLENGE THE HILLS YOU MUST CLIMB AND THE ATTITUDE IT TAKES TO SURMOUNT THEM. BUILD YOUR TEAM WITH LOVE FOR THAT IS WHERE YOU GROW YOUR STRENGTH. AND YOU WILL ACHIEVE WHAT OTHERS ONLY DREAM..."

Gilda's Club fashion show

Friday was the Gilda's Club fashion show where Erica, my wonderful support person/daughter strutted down the catwalk with me. I felt like Cinderella at the ball in a beautiful silk lime green dress with A line skirt and 3/4 length cuffed sleeves and double stand up collar. Erica wore a darling ruffled short skirted spaghetti strap dress with matching hot pink floral purse. We rocked! The lights were so bright I could hardly make out the people sitting at tables that flanked the runway. There were 3 designated tables just for me! I did feel supported. Thanks to all you who were there to support me and to support Gilda's club who takes in cancer patients and their support teams free of charge to counsel, educate, and embrace them in their journey thru cancer. It was a great show and fun to participate in and meet other survivors who modeled-nearly 30 of us. Steve took some pictures at the end of the runway where I threw my wig to the crowd and walked bald headed back to the end. A freeing experience.
We left directly after for the hospital, forgetting to take my steroid pills, for my next overnite chemo treatment. As I undressed and got plugged into my port and started the drip for the treatment and climbed into my pjs, I really did feel like a surreal experience and Cinderella returning from the ball.

out of the fog

"I can see clearly now the rain is gone" or so it is seeming. Funny how the last chemo treatment leaves me with a twang over whether I have learned the lesson this time and/or whether I can continue to think in the present moment. I am addressing things as they come up now with full focus and trying not to shove emotions, thoughts, and of course the most brilliant (albeit crazy sometimes) goals under the carpet. What does that mean? Daring to be vulnerable and just me...
I have discovered that after treatment (and this should be a life lesson for anyone after hardship) one needs recovery time. Time itself is healing if taken with the right attitude (that one can be challenging also). Someone once told me after my mother died that time was the only thing that could heal the wounded heart. After I looked at it that way, I was easier on myself, and more patient. I could visualize a scar after a wound that was bleeding.
It is getting late now. I am off to sleep.
But first a few things I am working on this week if anyone out there wants to help.
Find a mother-of-the-bride dress.
Sell a house, or buy a house (I think I have done my share now)
Help Erica with her "free theme" to furnish her house
Date ideas for Steve and I-we like to go out on Wed nites so we can catch up with ea other.
Plant my flowers and start and herb garden
Rent my duplex (2 bedroom, 1 bath-Mercer Island, N end)
Get in my daily exercise
Walk Mylo (our grandpuppy)-or run and combine exercise with mylo....
Think that is it for now.

Mother's Day

To all you Mothers out there, aren't we the richest of people! Happy belated Mother's Day. I woke up early still thinking about the upcoming events of this month that I am trying to prepare for (Gilda's Club fashion show on the 23rd, and speach on the 30th at the High School). I have been obsessing with the uncomfort of both of those moments (and they really are just moments in time), so I spent a few minutes writing things down and then decided I had a few thank you notes to get out so I wrote them and then headed out to meet Deanne and Susan for our weekly run I have missed them dearly). The sun was out on Mercer Island as I headed towards Kirkland but the clouds were rolling in as the wind pushed south. I had a song in my heart and warmth that couldn't be chilled by the wind that brought rain later that day. I was filled with an abundance of love and joy.

neuropathy

I have this funny sensation of tingling in my feet and sometimes a bit in my hands. It went away but now is back and trips me up a bit early mornings when I have been off my feet for a few hours. I think about the description of disconnect between the nerves in sending messages to the brain-that is how it has been described. Some people have more than tingling but for me, like the chemo, it has been not so painful, just annoying, and out of the ordinary.
Thoughts about that-it is a reminder that we are disengaged here for a spell till we can get back in gear and head forward again (or backwards as the case can be). Perhaps the pause is to reflect on the direction we are headed.

Rainbows and butterflies

It is graduation time! I have been asked to speak at the "relay for life" assembly at the High School at the end of the month where the kids have raised funds for the American Cancer society and will walk for pledged amounts for 24 hours, camping out along the way. I have been thinking about what of inspiration I have to say. I remember receiving a card for graduation (funny that one would even stick in my mind after all these years). It was a beautiful rainbow on the front and when you opened the card, multicolored butterflies flew from the rainbow and disbursed out into the sky-I think there might have been a boy with a net running to catch the butterflies but that part is not so vivid. My dreams this morning were of rainbows-the darkness of the full spectrum of colors at one end, the absence of color-white light at the opposite end of the spectrum. I see the sun coming up and the colors are becoming vibrant-spring is in the air. These all create warmth and clarity in a path I would like to follow-the path towards life-the white end of the spectrum. Life along the way is full of many colors and directions but we are guided by the light and sunk by darkness.
Last night after wrestling with post chemo side effects, I shared some mood enhancing drugs with a friend who suffers with MS. I have been reluctant to take drugs of any sort, chemo included, but the effects are night and day, so sharing is the a natural. I have to laugh when we talked about natural childbirth and our past experience with drugs-I was the natural childbirth advocate-feel the pain-don't drug the baby. Now we are all about applying all of our education and utilizing western and eastern methods of pain reduction and healing. Our international affiliations are helpful in studing effects of treatments that have been effective but not tested for years overseas. New studies are popping up daily in this country as the FDA sorts out what is dangerous and what is acceptable for people in this country. Since I am privy to a diverse culture here in the pacific northwest, I benefit by all sorts of techniques and remedies-yoga, acupuncture, wine, pot, massage, monavie.
What stands out in the whole picture is the attitude with which you embrace life. If you want to see the light, you have to follow it and know that it is there. The cloud will go away, but the sun is behind the cloud. I have a healing yoga tape Jodi Wes gave to me-I think she should practice with me-she is a yoga master-and it starts with breathing centering exercise, then reminds us to release our inner tensions and anxioties and forgive, remember what we are greatful for. Gratitude and abundance-we have! "Every decision I make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle" I choose the miracle. When I focus on the abundance and the miracles I am rich! Gotta go do my yoga. I have to practice on you all and write a speach for the 30th. Let me know what resonates with you and what might inspire a high school graduate-and NO, Sean, I don't need to get attention mentioning pot at the HS.

Last chemo

Here we go again. Knocked down but to bounce back again soon. This time we have much to celebrate as my doctor is optimistic that we have once again nipped this one in the bud. As Cori says, remember Chuckey Cheese where the purple guy keeps bouncing back up and gets hit with the hammer...what a visual. We must be vigilant and never give up. I got my 3rd and hopefully last treatment this last Thursday and am sleeping a lot (or not at all if you look at this post time) and expect to be back to new normal by next Thurs.
We are celebrating the closing of Erica and Dan's new house here on Mercer Island and it has been a joy to have them here and settling into new digs. It brings back so many memories of first time home ownership and all that that entails. They are busy going to garage sales and checking Craig's list for furnishings. It is a big process just to close the deal these days. Loans are not easy to come by and are taking longer to close, but all said and done it happened the day I went into the hospital for my last chemo. Must have been meant to be.
Much running through my head these days. I am practicing yoga healing early morning as much as possible since it gets my head in the right place with concentration on forgiveness, choosing miracles over grievances, and relaxation and healing thoughts. Meditation is good for the sole.
I am drinking my Monavie juice that I started taking back in October, but now am distributing since I really think it has helped my energy level, and it is easier than downing pills, or buying organic fruits (which is basically what is is in concentrate juice form). Anybody else out there heard of it? Wanna try it?
The worries over genetic testing and insurance coverage has just changed this last week. Now the insurance companies are no longer allowed to discriminate against people with genetic predispositions. Good news for Erica and I. We are off to get tested since my sister tested positive for the Brach 1 genetic defect. I am learning so much but it is just the tip of the ice burg.
The summer run is coming up and I see we made the newsletter for last years participation as being the largest group! Let's beat that one this year. I hope to run it this time! It is the 27th of July, so mark your calendars....Love you all.

Dahli Mamma

Last month when the Dahli Lama was in town I was privledged to see him at Quest Field-that one day when the sun drenched us followed by a snow blizzard the following day. "Seeds of Passion" was the title for the event, and a colorful array of flags and costumed patriots from all over the world graced the field with festive displays. Included in the pagentry were 2 chiefs from the Lummi tribe and one other tribe and it was enlightening to think of the history of our own dear Washington state and to think of the changes here in the past century. Global warming and responsiblilty to the earth were topics that both the Indian chiefs and the Dahli Lama addressed with passionate appeals to be more aware and responsible citizens. I thought about my own efforts to recyle and how I had slacked off and become lazy in my efforts to care about renewable resources. What are you doing these days to save the earth?? I have since started checking the recycle labels and washing the tin cans out and crushing the cans to take down to the aluminum recycle again. I started talking to friends about relationships and how to implement seeds of passion towards others and Erica suggested I might be coming on too strong on the spiritual side thus nick naming me the Dahli Lama. The kids have a ball dubbing me with names derived from various connections. I won't object to this one, but let me try to live up to it. The Dahli Lama suggested that women would be good leaders for the world since their nature was more nurturing and less voilent in settling issues-a thought for all of us when we go about electing new leaders and dealing with our own daily lives. Any thoughts?

Horsing around

Today I played hooky and took Charley up on his long standing offer to have me over and ride. What a joy! It took me back to early childhood days in Oklahoma when 4 of us siblings took riding lessons, and then to a time when I spent the summer in Texas with Debbie and we rode her retired barrel racer horse. Charlie was extremely patient with me and cautiously but with brave confidence, gave over the reins to his beautiful show horse, Gina. He is an accomplished horseman and along with his wife, Cathy, they showed me a side of themselves that brings out their passion. I will remember it for a long time, and feel it every time I sit down for the next week. We all have things that we work hard for so that we can enjoy the home time. It was fun to see a different side of the lender that I now connect with on a different level.

doctor, doctor

Last week I scheduled yet another appointment with a new doctor. I try not to book any more appointments than necessary but felt smart to get another opinion by a specialist in the field of gynocology/oncology. I learned there are many more options for me out there if for some reason the current course of action doesn't work, and the fact that I most likely have a genetic defect is probably the reason I am doing so well with the chemo treatment-another miracle.
I consulted a naturalpath who made some dietary suggestions that I am trying to follow. I have to say that sugar is hard for me to resist, but after a few days it does get easier. All the leafy vegies lead me to purchase a beano type pill which ran me a few bucks! There seem to be side effects to everything.
I am now distributor for the Monavie juice that I began taking back in November or so last year. It saves me from taking all sorts of vitamins and suppliments that I can't stand choking down, never mind the hassle and cost of buying organic fruits on a daily basis, altho I love eating those. I do feel an increase in strength and energy so I must be doing something right. Let me know if you want to try the stuff yourself in case you need a boost of energy-this product is available only through distributors so I have a drop ship supply readily available and am excited to share it.
The Guilda's Club fashion show is coming up if anyone wants to sit at my table you can sign up on line at guildasclubseattle.org.
The summer run is right around the corner, and before that the MIHS walk for cancer so stay tuned on how you can get in shape and make a difference too. fight on!

I'm back

With holiday celebrations behind me and remission giving new growth to my hair, I forged into the new year with vigor and plans! January brought on a road trip to S California, the desert sun, and every weather pattern imaginable. Steve & I celebrated Natalie's 1st birthday, stopped at the Hearst Castle, saw the elephant seals breading on the beach, looked for the migrating monarchs, combed the beaches of Carmel with Debbie, and appreciated the precious time together with each other, friends and family.
The remission was not to last though and upon return from that trip I headed back for more tests eventually leading to the 2nd battle with a new concoction of chemotherapy and, just as I was enjoying a new butch, dark hairstyle, a second round with loosing my hair. I did run a 1/2 marathon before getting knocked down again, and have a lot of goals ahead of me that keep me going.
I headed back down to the desert (the sun is just too evasive this year and oh, so precious). We visited the Storys' home in Sun City, shopped the bazar, and hiked, swam, golfed, and played.
Next on the horizon, besides catching up with all of you, is Guilda's Club annual fashion show where I will model-May 23rd at the Westin, Seattle. Let me know if I can send you an invite...then the second annual summer run is coming in July, Erica and Dan are entertaining guests from Australia and moving into a new home, and I'd love to participate in a bike event in August if all goes well. So that is just to catch you up again and I promise to be better about keeping you on the roller coaster.

I am ALIVE!!

I lost my password there for a while....but I am back in action...stay tuned- I am working today- but I will blog tonight! (After date night)