Know your Maker

My friend Wanda died this past week. She was diagnosed with stomach cancer in June just shortly after my diagnosis. I went to her memorial service and to Don Walker's memorial service who died suddenly from heart failure after living his last decade debilitated by a stroke. Somewhere along the route we take a bigger interest in knowing our maker and getting in touch with our purpose. The reminder that we are not invincible or forever on this earth can draw us closer to more meaningful relationships.
The journey can take it's toll on relationships too. For many it has to be gone alone. How can one be seeking a deeper connection with God and a partner be going about daily living ignoring or blocking out the fear of death and the repercussions that would have? Some difficult decisions are made in the midst of hardships. What would Jesus do? He retreated to the garden for prayer with his maker. He needed to be alone to face the crowds and live the last days with purpose.
I still pray for an open heart that I might hear God's calling and be filled with his loving presence and shed distructive emotions. Daily devotions are good for the soul.
Christmas can be both a blessing and a hardship depending on the state of your heart. Staying focused on the celebration of Christ's birth and keeping up with the gifts you need to buy, card you need to mail, and parties you need to attend or lack thereof, can be a juggling act.
The joy of Christmas is that we celebrate the birth of Christ, we decorate with lights at this dark time of year to remind ourselves that we have been promised eternal light...eternal life. Blessings to you all out there and fill your hearts with love this season. Merry Christmas.

Thanksgiving

Our family turned out en force, 16 strong. We were missing only my younger brother and his wife as they opted to spend this holiday with the other side of his family. That is what happens when your family grows. Either your holiday meal grows, or you loose a couple. We gained Dan this year, so I imagine his family back in Australia felt his absense. I was thankful for the addition.
My remission from cancer made #1 this year on things to be thankful for, and I was grateful to have the energy to host the meal at my house. We held hands and huggged and went around the circle, Obasan being in the middle, as she is still feeling the effects of a stroke some 10 years ago, saying things that we were thankful for. Family bonds were mentioned more than once and I think Obasan felt the effects as she smiled almost as much as I did just by being surrounded by love. I was grateful for the turnout. Todd, my older brother, has been so busy that I think it is the first time in the past six months that I have seen him and they only live in Kent! Sandy, his wife, came down early to help me put everything together. Candice and Chris, their children, drove down together, as Chris isn't driving anymore. Becky, my oldest sister, and I have been spending time studying Cancer 101 as she has gone through the testing process only to discover what we already suspected, that there is the family gene and she has tested positive to Brach 1, meaning it runs in the family-now what to do? Her husband, Tsuneto, has diabetes and works long hours and is frequently not able to attend, but both he and daughter, Karissa, didn't have to work so were able to come. Her husband is in Afganistan and we prayed for his safe return. Cameron, their son, rode his motorcycle in the freezing cold. Steve's sister, Elaine and husband, Bill drove down from Blaine with dog Freida-a new pal for our new grandpuppy Mylo-and lots of goodies for snacking (food was plenty). Sean flew home from LA, and Dan and Erica brought Mylo who captured everyones heart. Health really is on the top of the to-be-thankful-for list.

Mrs. Doubtfire

I just finished watching the ole film and finding myself laughing at the ability of Robin Williams to turn a sad story into a fun learning experience that touched many people going through divorce in a positive way. We need more Hollywood like that one! I watched it all through the credits this time since Sean is interning in the field now. There are so many people involved in the production of such a story...

I have wrapped up a movie of my own in the past six months and just came out with a clean scan that makes me officially a survivor, in remission! Cause for celebration. They tell me there might be a sequil so don't remove the port too quickly, but I can go back to normal now and should regain my strenght in a few months. Just in time for the holidays-how nice is that! It has been a long and amazing journey and a roller coaster of a ride, and I am glad to get off now. You might find me a bit dizzy till the natural blonde grows in again as I still have to look at the bald head every day that reminds me of what I have been through.

I have to add that I had a significant dream the Wed nite before my final CT scan. I dreamed that I skateboarded right past the pearly gates of heaven and didn't even slow down. I waved and said I would be back later, but not now. Fight on!

Sean comes home for Thanksgiving this coming Tuesday. It will be fun to have the family together again and we will have much to be thankfull for. God bless you all for your support and love. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones.

Return to Life

I am a week away now from my last kemo saturday (or at least I am on schedule for CT scan Nov 15th to verify the tumors are gone!) Yeah!

Bonnie Sanborn (my business partner for 14 years now! what would I have done without her?) and I have been working throughout the whole ordeal, though I am amazed at how many people assume I am not working...Not only AM I working, I have hired Erica to assist us-(she is licensed and energetic and exploring the condo market for your children), and we have time and enthusiasm to help your friends and family. Go team.

I know it is a bit late at this point, but I am signed up to do the Seattle 1/2 marathon (that's 13 miles) and have a few folks that have signed up to walk it with us-that's Sharon Scott and her mom Lou Glatz (a big one for her, she says if I can do it, she can), my running partner Marilyn Dierickx, new running partners Susan Bishop and Deanne Hanley, and Louise Irving and my neighbor Tamae-so if you want to join us let us know. We are training now and you can just walk with us if you want to jump on board. Registration is www.seattlehalfmarathon/registration (I think-so grab a partner and work off that turkey dinner-the race is Sun. Nov 25th). Just a challenge.

I am still at Cancer College and reading many books-I have a big library right now if you need any info, trying new healthy recipes, and all sorts of natural remedies to avoid ingesting any more cocktails into my system. Sharon has introduced me to MonaVie a bottled juice concoction from the Amazon with lots of antioxidents. I am taking L-glutamine for the neuropathy side effects, and tumeric in capsule form for tumor reduction. Something is working cause I am feeling stronger every day.

I am still pondering the meaning of life and wondering what I would do if I won the lottery. Without the necessity to stay in one physical location for health reasons or for employment we free ourselves to travel which I have always enjoyed. Real life intrudes in the fantasy life of college football-I am watching the Oregon State vs Washington Huskies and Jake Locker on the Husky team has just been injured on the field-it just reminds me that none of us know when we will be knocked down or if we will get up again. I will have to continue this one later.

Grandbaby Mylo

Seems while I was gone to Palm Desert that the family had to come up with a reason for me to want to return home. Erica and Dan had been looking for a puppy for a long time-ever since they were puppy sitting in Australia. So a bouncing bundle of wiggley brown fur, Mylo, greated me at the door ready to play hard.
She really brings joy to our house, and I have to admit that I am happy to be Grandma. The training energy necessary wears me out and we both are suddenly tired and ready to nap. Perhaps it is good for me to see that when you play hard, you need to rest alot-I seemed to have forgotten.

Palm Desert Escape

The pink gerber daisies left a trail from the Roanoke tavern birthday brunch to the Backes/Dierickx compounds in Indian Ridge-Palm Desert, which is good 'cause I might want to find my way back there someday! The day was full of surprises. I had accepted the invitation to join the girls on an adventure-with girls it is always an adventure-to escape to the desert. It is a diverse group of 5 women all of whom can both kick up their heels and have a good time and be comfortable relaxing or simply discovering their inner child. Standby travel with 3 is somewhat stressful if you are the person in charge. Sue,the flight attendant, took over the role sweetly. Jill and I were the children in the scenario-along for the ride and carefree followers, a great way to start a trip. Jean and Marilyn drove the route, leaving a day earlier and arriving before we landed.

A packed day of power shopping at Cabizon shopping extravaganza then home in time to change clothes and head out to a round of golf in the 94 degree weather! Cheap as we are, we had found a deal (that's us, always looking for a deal) for $29 for a round of golf, but we did have to play in the heat of the day. Hole 4 found both Sue and I fishing for our golf balls in the pond and as luck would have it the ball I had on the end of our fishing gadget teetered on a cliff side ridge. "Leave the ball and let this guy play through" yelled Jean. The ball appeared to be in the basket and on the way toward my reaching hand when Sue and I looked up to see Mr. Red Shirt on the tee ready to tee off. "Just a minute" I said. "Just leave it, he's going to play through" Jean replied. We walked back to our waiting cart barely on the edge of a narrow fairway. "Whack" and the ball flew over out heads and off to the far side of the ruff. "Sorry,Let me just take another one". "Whack"-the audacity of a not perfect player to ask to play through at the expense of my sinking ball! This prompted the song "Mr Red shirt, who do you think you are, Mr Red shirt" to the tune of Mr Big Stuff. We laughed about it the rest of the trip. As we melted in the heat Mr Red shirt appeared again behind us after another hole and stayed behind us till we quit on hole 12. A stalker?

Monday we had a lesson from Jean on erotic pool aerobics. You had to be there as the pool boy came by to heat up the pool. Sue and I were taking instruction from Jean now doing the frog move. "Push it down...harder...feel the burn...harder...now faster...harder". I was nearly in tears as I quietly asked her to switch exercises, but she didn't get it and she didn't see the pool boy either. "Faster, harder...okay!" She switched and the pool boy walked down the other side of the pool and disappeared into the restroom. Jean got it, and we all belly laughed till we were sore and the exercises and language deteriorated till we had to get out or drown.

The dancing divas of the Yaya sisterhood gathered to prepare and feast on dinner of marinated shishkabobs, rice and salad followed by white robed, crazy hat club clan who danced around and sang with the likes of Cheryl Crow, Frank Sinatra and my favorite, It's a wonderful world by Louie Armstrong. Then we joked about what crazy things we could dress up as for Sue's upcoming Halloween party including dumb bald (instead of dumb blonde). Not so reluctantly I became the center of attention as the girls sang a chorus of Happy Birthday to me and dressed me in a white robe seating me in Pete's favorite reclining chair and at the direction of Jill, the cosmetic expert from Nordstroms, proceeded to give me a facial and massage that took 3 years off my age. I should have been ready for bed after that, but we flipped on the TV to see the devastation of the San Diego fires where Sue's sister had been evacuated from her home with wonders of whether or not her home and possessions had survived.

Time to explore the place and release my real estate inner child to the throws of Palm Desert. Anyone needing a second home? Early morning with sunrise warming the crisp desert air I took the golf cart out to explore the houses-don't go too far-all the houses look the same-what street am I on? Sue called her agent, Judy, to give us a tour, even though our self guided tour had already lead us to a house Sue was interested in that had conveniently been left unlocked. Like Curious George we were all over it, the respectful adult side of us leaving it as pristine as we found it. Suddenly hearing noises we devilishly concocted excuses for why we might be there. "Did I leave my cover up here?" The pool feature was most inviting. "It's okay, I'm a real estate agent".

We scheduled Pilates class with Mariko at 11. Marilyn had a loose agenda written on the white board in the kitchen. House maintenance was on her to-do list. Plumbing issues and a details the trained agent eyes picked up. My morning mission was to get a card reader for my camera so I could download pictures from my camera but as always, m mind was multitasking. "Marilyn, where can I get photo equipment". "Walgreens is right down the road, take my car." In unknown territory I ventured out on a mission and prided myself returning just as the gang was convening for Pilates class with my own bag of tricks-a handheld sewing machine for easy mending, card reader for the camera, safety corner for a deadly corner cabinet that was bound to bite some unknowing guest...I had found Home Depot (almost by mistake) and returned without getting lost and in time for Pilates class! Pool time, sun time, down time, and soak up the sun time then off to tour with Judy. We hit several homes in Indian Ridge an several more in Palm Valley with tours of the respective clubhouse and facilities.

Our last evening out took us to The Nest for some wild dancing with all 5 women in their tiaras, down to karaoke singing which we almost missed, and out to eat and check out the lighted shopping strip where we will no doubt return some day when it is open and we have more money.

Last chemo-NOT

Monday I went to the oncology/radiology floor at the Swedish Center to get a pet scan and CT scan to determine what the next step would entail. Optimistically I had been announcing that I was all better and that I would be canceling my scheduled chemo the 11th-only a few days later, but realistically the doctor had warned me not to count on 6 (treatments) as the final count. The testing entailed new IV (they couldn't use my port), drinking a cool aid type drink and 1/2 and resting for 45 minutes to let it all absorb (not to mention the previous days diet of no sugar, high fat and carbs, and no exercise-boy was that a switch! All to prep for best absorption by the tumors of the radioactive sugar water I drank that would illuminate any tumors found in the pet scan. Then prone on to a metal board in a cold room that would slide me in and out of a rounded plastic hollowed out log all the while taking 1800 photos to be read by the radiologist. Fortunately I was allowed to wear my fuzzy warm hat and a warm blanket over hospital pj's, so the cold was not a problem. No music this time, and fairly quiet. The pet scan took about 18 minutes and the entire process I was made to raise my arms up over my head and hold them there while my hand went numb and cold as I held the stretch-I wondered how inflexible folks made it through this process-I do yoga and think I am better than average in this department but was very relieved to be done! The CT scan in contrast took less than 8 minutes and I could have my arms at my side.
The results were to be done in an hour, but my doctor was not back from vacation, so I had to wait a full day and a half for the call. "Hi, this is Dr Kaplan calling". "Great, I know you have good news", I answered. "Yes, I do." I was sure I was going to be cancelling my appt for chemo the next day. The pet scan is clean, but there are 2 little spots showing on the CT scan and we cannot tell if it is scar tissue or residual tumors so we would like to go through a couple more treatments and do another CT scan to make sure. "OK, I think I can handle that." "So, let me verify that. A couple, meaning 2, another CT, not another Pet, scan, and we can be done?". That is the new plan.
Today was my scheduled chemo date and I got my blood work done and port hooked up readying for the appt. There was time today to do a puzzle with Erica, who came with me this time. 2 hours later I was dismissed for a shot to boost my white blood cell counts so that I could reschedule another postponed chemo. Now I go in on Saturday (not the way I wanted to spend a weekend) with 2 additional shots to boost my immunity. But at least I have been able to keep on track and the news is GREAT. I am feeling recharged.
I went to Gilda's club tonight to meet a fellow cancer survivor and listen to a talk on neuropathy-a nerve symptom of the chemo that I have been experiencing lately-numbing of the feet, in my case, not painful but bothersome.

Bailey

Last nite we went down to the Casita for dinner, prepared by our guest and new in-laws, Maryann and Laurie. I boosted Bailey into the car. She had spent the day alone and seemed to be needing some attention, but not demanding it. She left her dinner uneaten at home and I knew she was having another bad day-they were getting progressively worse, but I didn't really want to know what was going on with her and she rallied each time I thought she was sick enough to merrit a trip to the vet (she is nearly 12) where I was sure he would just tell me that she was old and had arthitus. She got out of the car slowly and made her way down to the Casita where dinner was being prepared. The smells were enough to rally her attentions. I cooked a special chicken dinner for her then she went outside and drank a ton of water out of the trough in the backyard and came in to collapse on the floor inside. It was enough just to have the family surrounding her and as usual she never complained, but it was evident that she was not feeling well. We took turns sitting on the floor next to her and petting her as there isn't couch space for 6 people. She got more attention than usual, especially at the dinner hour. Finally it came time to go home and she couldn't get up-not even an attempt. We decided that we had to make that trip to the vet. Laurie helped me carry her to the car and gently set her in the back. Erica voluteered to accompany me. We talked on the way about the deterioration of Bailey's health. I have journeyed alongside of her through surgery and recovery and she has mimmicked my attitude. First she would be tired and lethargic with no appetite, then she would eat a special meal and seem fine again, or have difficulty with her digestive system and bowel movements. Ups and downs, and I felt she was going through cancer right along with me. I prayed for her to rally for me and she did! She maintained that positive, carefree spirit each step of the way right through the vow ceremony, but last nite she could hold out no longer.
The vet came back into the room after examing Bailey. The xrays showed our greatest fears were true-she had a large tumor and some liver problems, anemic and weary, she would not last the nite without surgery, and was probably too weak to survive the surgery. Erica and I had to make a tough decision. We went back into the cold examining room to say our goodbyes. Erica left and I remained to hold her head and make sure she knew how much we loved her as she fearlessly went to sleep. She will be sorely missed.

Erica & Dan

Where does the time go? Our daughter is married! Her gracious and fun filled in-laws are here from Sydney, Australia. Paul Barret preformed a beautiful ceremony at the Mercer Island Presbyterian Church . Chad Dierickx sang a heartfelt rendition of Amazing Grace while Val Giesbrecht accompanied him on her violin-an impromtu and very moving gift to the ceremony that left not a dry eye in the room. I wondered at the emotions in the room as MY most recent memory of the song was at my friend Chris Engs' mother's (who died of Ovarian cancer) memorial service not 2 weeks ago. For each of us in the room it signified a different memory yet unified in our thankfulness to celebrate together, each in such a personal moment, the uniting of love and God's grace to have tbrought us to this sacred gathering.
Paul gifted us with a story that added laughter to the somber mood and gave a picture of sharing and message of remaining true and real to each other.
The vows were a work of love, well thought out and words to remember; encouragement even to us who have just celebrated 30 years together, reminders of what new love pronounces. Sean got up to turn the Ipod on at the close of the ceremony, but the live music still rang in our heads. In attendance were Sean, Steve & I, Erica & Dan, Laurie & Maryann (Dan's parents), Paul, Chad & Val (for a brief and moving gift). The simplicity of the event forced a focus on the vows and promises.
The next day we met with the wedding planner and caterers. July will be a new season strengthened by the promises of the day-Sept 30, 2007.

The Eternal Optomist & Monterey

This title I stole from a reread of an email I received from a dear friend approaching the 2nd chemo and it is particularly appropriate as I fly on the anniversary of 9/11 with no fears or doubts. (Actually I later discovered I was flying on 9/9 but thinking it was 2 days later-wonder if the travel traffic was any different).
It has been an inspirational weekend as I have been gifted a trip to Monterey to spectate and cheer for Sharon Scott, a good friend and coworker at JL Scott, and my coparticipant in the challenge of the 2002 San Diego marathon with Team in Training, benefiting blood cancers.
The trip itself was for me a bit of a triathalon as I managed to squeeze in time for the triathalon with the Sharon's family (Glatz), visit with my 2nd family-the Regis' from 7th grade in Japan, and have some alone time to go inward. All legs of the event were inspirational.
I packed for a short 3 day weekend with minimal baggage to carry on. With no need for hair product and minimal cosmetics it was easy to get through security, but clothing needs were harder to pack for than the previous 7 day trip to Hawaii where flip flops and bathing suit and cover up would have been enough. I knew there would be shoes to pack as I planned to run alongside and cheer at each transition zone Sharon crossed. There would be dancing and celebration at the finish, and there would be eating out with the fashion conscious Glatz's whom I had never traveled with before.
I love getting on the airplane. When it lifts off I am on a new journey. My mind can leave behind worries, cares, and stresses of the past and begin focus on NOW. The return flight brings me back to home and family for which I am eternally grateful.
The morning of the triathalon I awoke early as if I were participating. I had been communicating mentally with Sharon as I have felt prerace jitters myself in the past and was hoping to connect before the race. I quietly exited the hotel room and left Laurie sleeping, to get some fresh air and try a short run. The marine layer left a dense fog near shore and the sea lions were already barking. A few homeless people were picking up their possessions from the beach. The rythemic waves hitting the beach were conducive of a run to keep the pace. I texted Sharon to see if she was up yet. No answer. I headed north in the direction I believed the race would be and looked for the start line. No one in the hotel could find a race course map and the website hadn't been much help either. 15 minutes out and still no signs, I headed back towards the hotel. Participants were then headed on their bikes south towards the light house. I met Sharon briefly-she had had a restless nite but seemed ready to rock and we headed our own directions to prepare for the race and rally the troups.
We rounded up our cheer leading paraphernalia-"Go Sharon" signs, air tubes to bang together, and special "Go Iguana Girl" shirts that Lori had custom made and walked down the oceanfront pathway towards the start line.
sea lions were barking and basking in the shallow water seemingly waving at us. I couldn't imagine the previous days training kelp pulling with sea life swimming underneath and just 2 days prior a shark attack on a surfer-the 1st in over 10 years-right off Lover's Point-the swim zone. MY adrenaline was racing!
The street was lined with spectators moving about to get the best vantage point for the wave and event they were cheering for. We worked our way to the beach edge and arrived front and center just as Sharon exited the water. "Go Sharon"! I don't think she even heard us-how could she have missed us? we were right in her face. I ran to see if I could beat her to the next transition area where she would emerge from that chaotic zone on her bike. The course wound around twice on the swim leg, 4 times on the bike leg, and 3 times on the run leg so spectator positioning was great! If we missed one cycle we would certainly have other opportunities to see Sharon come around again and again with renewed encouragement. Each time Sharon appeared to be in her own zone, barely looking up to take away from her determined focus. Finally the run, the last kick. 3 times around the track. We moved from the transition zone down the course. Surely Sharon would need our cheering after such grueling events. I made my way down the course to see if I could run a spell and help pick up the pace but doubted myself as I saw Sharon come pounding strong down the pavement. I ran a short way the 2nd lap but found I couldn't keep pace even for a short distance. I was excited for how much energy Sharon had-she was on pace and looking good. The final lap I was so excited to run in 100 yards and see her finish strong! Next year -we'd both come back!
Debbie came down with Vaghn (her greyhound). An exhilarating moment for all of us. Veteran Team in Training participants and now cancer survivor too! We hugged, glad to be fully alive. Deb and I took off to Carmel to see her parents and catch up on old times. Sharon stayed to cheer on her teammates, and the Glatz family returned to enjoy Monterey for a few hours until we would rendezvous for the celebration dinner and dancing later that evening, and celebration it was as we-the Glatz's and me , closed down the dance floor.
Sharon's celebration wasn't quite as sweet as she had hoped. Her boyfriend of 4 plus years had abandoned the journey and a broken heart might make for a good race, but leaves emptiness in the final hurrah. The next morning I would leave to return home and Glatz's would continue on to celebrate Lou and Ron's 47th anniversary in Napa wine country!

POP, JOY

Last nite I attended a card making party at Jo's house and 5 of us gathered to make cards and commune (and review the Power of positive thinking). We talked acronyms-thus the title POP and JOY. Laurie said POP was "power of prayer"-her relative had survived over a year after an unsuccessful bone marrow transplant and attributed it to living each day with positive energies and prayer. Jo said that she had been visiting at the retirement home when a gentleman there had asked her the meaning of JOY. After attempting to define it in her own way, he said "Jesus, Others, and then Yourself" That is how you attain joy. It really doesn't take long to realize that counting my blessings far outways cursing the surroundings and any ailments and makes for a beautiful day each day I count my blessings first.
That being said, I have had some wonderful events to write about in the past few weeks since the last blog, and some great ones on the horizon. I will have to post a seperate blog on the trip to Monterey to watch Sharon race in the Pacific Crest Triathalon. It was a wonderful weekend and merits a seperate accounting when I get my journal out to post.
I slid back in from that weekend -slipping in a visit with my dear friend Debbie Regis and her parents in Carmel -reminiscing on Jr High school days in Japan, to my 6th chemo treatment. I was sent home like an expectant mother, to get my blood count right so that I could continue my treatments (the 6th momentus chemo treatment being the minimum I would have to have-and me thinking-positively of course-that it is the LAST) on Sunday. Two days later, 2 shots later, and a lot of anticipation, I partied with 6 friends while I got my treatment. It threw my calendar off since I start scheduling in appointments after 4 days so that I can recouperate. Wed and Thurs were full days of class, so I couldn't get sick and tired. True to my mindset, I attended class and really didn't miss a beat this time around. I am excited that I can believe what I consistantly tell myself-that I am well! My CT scan is now scheduled for Oct 9th to confirm my hopes-that the tumors are gone. The Doctor has scheduled another chemo treatment I am sure to be cancelling.
In the midst of these appointments, Erica's future in-laws are arriving from Australia and I am excited to feel up for entertaining and showing them this wonderful place their son is now calling home. Peace be with you all. Your support is unending and very uplifting.

challenges

In the past I have been able to regroup and pull ahead with enthusiasm, but occasionally I seem to be angry at everything. Perhaps it is the yoga that needs attending to so that I can move inward rather than challenging everything outside my life.
Yesterday I started over again in my business attending a series of classes entitled Career Activator Program along side my daughter who is jump starting her new career. The review is good for me as it makes me review my business plan and budgeting for the future. The market has slowed down here and talking real estate has also taken a back seat to talking cancer. I am ready for the change, but it is a new challenge that often makes me amgry at the people closest to me. Why is that, and can I deal with that now, or is it just an excuse to slack off?
Just as in business I have moved back into the exercise routines I created for myself in the past, running to relief stress from a conversation regarding business that didn't go well. I found myself sticking to the flat areas to avoid hills as my breathing was labored and my head not clear. I ran for half an hour; the longest I have run since my surgery, and felt frustrated with the lack of progress. Why am I so down on myself? I discovered blood in my urine, the same as before surgery-where is that coming from, tumors? I will have to call the doctor again.
This morning I had planned on going to swim before the class begins at 8:30, the mental alarm was early and I awoke at 4 am. I could get up, but I also have to pack to go to Monterey where Sharon is running in the Pacific Grove triathalon in my honor. I am proud of her accomplishment and her persistance to the goal. It is inspirational for me also. I blogged instead of swimming. I will start again when I get home and allow myself to rest instead for a few more days.
One day at a time...

Labor Day

What a peaceful and wonderful day today was. The sun came through the window this morning beginning the day earlier than would have been on a rainy day when I am inclined to pull the sheets back over my head an doze off again. The sales were in progress and Steve and I went over to Bellevue and shopped the Labor day sale at Masins and bought ourselves a first ever, NEW bedroom set. Two of my college roommates got together and we went for a walk that turned into a neighborhood reconnection and rediscovery of trails that I am exploring once again. The gardens around were full of blooming flowers and the colors are inspiring. I got on my bike-a first since May-and felt the wind against my face and the freedom of self power. I caught up with old friends and dropped in on Sandy and we talked about her beautiful Hawaii retreat and both relived that gorgeous part of the country. I went home excited to get our backyard blooming (it has been a dirt pile lately as Steve has moved over 30 yard to level the backyard and construction workers have both painted and constructed a new outdoor room). Tonight after a quiet barbeque in the new outdoor eating area, we mellowed out to KCTS presentation of orchestra accompanied coastal towns. What a great way to end the day and continue the dream.

Chemo 5

Just to let you all know that I am feeling great! I had a few much welcomed visitors today, Colleen, Erica and Dan, and Karrey, and I don't think I fell asleep on any of them this time. Hopefully I will remember my conversation this time. The Doctor says the blood levels are good, no new tumors to the touch, and I look great and fell great, so all is well.


The doctor visit went really well. I will still have to wait till after chemo 6 and CT scan that follows that next Sept 14 before I will know if I have to continue on course, or if for now I am clean! We are still looking into experimental drugs and checking out new research and learning alot, yet trying to balance all that with work, kids returning to the nest, wedding plans, and aging dog. Sean (boo hoo) drove back to LA yesterday and is there already. We miss him.


I feel GREAT! I am thinking for all you cancer survivors, that we need to set up a cancer support group and I already have help in getting that started at the MI Presbyterian church, so let me know if you know of anyone wanting or needed that venue.


I am leaving Sept 7th to watch my dear friend, Sharon Scott, compete at the Pacific Grove triathalon (wish I were doing it with her) in California. Hoping the weather is better than it has been here.


The family had a great visit to Blaine,WA to see Steve's sisters, Elaine and Eileen and brother- in- law Bill. We took the fishing boat out for a tour of the harbor and Semiahmoo and the harbor seals. Ate crab cakes and Korean beef and pizza and pie till we were full full full, yum. And washed the dog, but that is another story, yuck. It is so fun to do normal things again.

Sleepless in Seattle

As my energy is recharging I find myself getting back into booking my calendar again with not much down time. I am in the office working on new listings and with new buyers and creating a marketing plan for the upcoming year. I went to a Mariners game and stayed till they lost to the Boston Red Socks, but just barely. Fall is almost upon us and Husky football season brings recollections of college days gone by and many outings in the stands with friends and family. I have slipped into the lake again to swim at dawn just to challenge myself, and because it is so beautiful at that time of day. I feel the time slipping away, just one more week to go before Sean returns to LA and the house is vacated by the crew who has been painting and working on building a deck. It will feel very vacant with the 2 of us again. Next week is chemo again-I am on the reverse plan of my cell phone that needs recharging by plugging in. I am recharging till I get plugged in again.

Eagle morning

I launched the kayak at 7:15 this morning and paddled north. The wind was pushing me along gently and the clouds were barely covering the sun. I could see blue sky but was headed in the wrong direction when a monsterous eagle appeared from nowhere and circled around my small yellow kayak. He stared at me and drifted by, circumnavigating me then dipped and with talons full forward, scooped up a small fish just feet away then sailed off to distant pilings to pick on his morning catch away from competition. My morning expeditions are meditations and change the outlook for the rest of the day. I held our new listing open for brokers during the lunch hour and greated many friends I had not had opportunity to catch up with lately. A successful and gratifying day.

Chemo 4

Last Friday was my latest chemo and I slid in from a beautiful and restful Hawaii vacation to get back to reality. This treatment hit Seafair weekend also-party time on the water here at Lake Washington. I can't remember a time when I wasn't in on the party planning for Seafair in some way, but this time I chose to lay low and just enjoy the sunny day at the Casita dock going out only shortly on the neighbor's Donzi to catch up and watch the Blue Angels fly. My energy level just isn't what is used to be or perhaps the timing was just off.
The doctor called with good news once again. The CA125 blood test is back down to 15 (20 and below is normal-and has come down from 400 something when I was first diagnosed). This means that the chemo is working. There are 2 spots left that can be seen on the CT scan that I had done just before departing for Hawaii. I can take a weak day or 2 for such good news. My sister reported that she has tested positive for the genetic testing and we are going in together to discuss what that means for us and for our offspring this Thursday. We will have to be even more dilligent in the future. Thank you all for all of your support-the search for the cure is even more important now than ever-for our future generation...

The accountant-Sudoku-Love

Today is our last full day in paradise Yesterday was gorgeous-we booked our family on the Trade WindsII, the smaller boat without the colorful "look at me" sail. The day was beautiful, sunny-we had plenty of suntan lotion (from long ago remembered sunburn days we left with mental notes to reapply even though we all love tan-tan is beautiful). We went to 2 tranquil coves to snorkel, the water was calm and the reefs filled with familiar fish (for me anyhow). I tried free diving and discovered that I could go the depths without any pains if I breathed right (no headache) and didn't make any jerky moves that hurt my healing abdominal scar. We were lucky enough to get to go into the lava tubes with our snorkel dive masataer who lead us into the darkness until we had to wait for our eyes to adjust then explained how in ancient times, a Hawaiian who had broken the law had to run from warriers who would kill them, to a sacred place (base I call it) on the island where they would then go through a repentance ritual and be returned into society, if they made it alive. Divers who knew these lava tubes had distinct advantages since they could rest from pursuing landlocked warriers, and hide unseen.
The captain was all excited when he heard that I had spotted a rare and ugly "moon fish" on my snorkeling escapade saying that those fish were easily traded for other good lute because they taste so good-only to find out that my Moon fish was Sean swimming dolphin stroke beneath me with his shorts down to his knees and moon flashing me from below.
All too soon the boat was headed back to port with a stop at Captain Cook's monument and more Hawaiian history lure. We had managed escaping severe sunburn but I later noticed a line around my head and Sean figured ot it was my mask line on my bald head!

We had an invitation to residents and residents guests cocktail hour at the Resident's Beach house which we took the golf cart down to on our return. We stopped at the Canoe Club thinking that was the spot and soon discovered they weren't one in the same so continued down the beach path to find a lively group with poo poos and drinks already jolly in conversation. The golf carts were so numerous that we had a waiter volunteer to valet park for us.
Dan, who had arrived the previous day, sporting his hot pink cast and dark shades, got immediate attention. Steve had opted to stay at home as social hours are not his thing. We mingled with very interesting people, a great network group for the kids who soaked up stories from the people there who had made their wealth from various trades and were now enjoying the spoils of their plunders. "Mooch party"-that is what one guest termed the event. I think we scored a wealth of information in the hour along with free coctails (and I do mean free-no one, we soon discovered, was even tipping) and poo poos. We learned that Michael Dell-of Dell computer fame, was responsible for the entire development. Nice to hob-nob with the rich and famous altho he was not in attendence, they do this reception every Monday- someone knew him.
We cruised home in our golf cart for dinner with Steve at 7:30 (the place shuts down at 9:30). Steve had been expecting us by 7 and was beyond cajoling into joining us at that point and apparently happy to enjoy TV by himself. Sometimes I really don't understand how 2 such different people can be so right for each other, but after 30 years of marriage I have learned that we do not ever give up on each other!

Which brings me to the original analogy I was thinking of as I got up this morning...Sudoku.
Well slowly, I guess, like a building wave of thoughts, the churning went like this...
"This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." My mother used to recite this one many mornings to wake us kids up. In paradise it is easy to believe all is beautiful with the world. I guess that is why so many people vacation here but why not live here?
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Another biblical quote I recite to myself when things aren't going the way want. so I thought about sudoku. Steve loves to play the game. He, like most men I know, likes to have a set solution to the problem. He will dilligently work through things I readily give up on knowing and believing there is a set solution to the problem. This is a great thing in a marriage. One to remember when times get rough and giving up seems like the sane way to go. Sometimes we start the entire puzzle over again but it is a challenge worth redoing because when the solution is acheived, the resulting feelings of accomplishment are worth the efforts.
So it is when I am frustrated with relationships I sometimes begin again with renewed determinations. What drew me to the relationsip to begin with? What am I looking for in a relationship and what has changed? Stop and review as soon as things look wrong. Perhaps it is just one small square that needs correcting. Have patience, tomorrow is another beautiful day...

July 26th-Hawaii

I awoke before sunrise with many thoughts going through my head but since the compter isn't set up yet I only got up to pee. I went back to bed but don't think I slept. It is so peaceful here I shouldn't have any trouble napping (unless I get a sunburn-so I'm taking extra precautions and I think God is helping out there too-the forecast keeps saying showers-perhaps if I don't get sunburned, I'll get just the right amount of vitamin D before God turns on the rain).
Sunrise was shortly after 6 am and there are many things I can sign up for and do here at the resort starting with a beautiful 25 meter swimming pool we spied (1 of 6 pools) with lane lines, pull buoys, kick boards, hand paddles and fins-everything Bellevue Club would have offered less the coach (wanna come back here coach Karen?)
Dreaming about this place lead my thoughts to wedding and love then money and how much I was spending even though much had been gifted to me just to make this stay affordable. It occured to me that what really seems to matter most in life is love and money! And then, if you have to pick one-LOVE-(they are not equivalent children).
There are books and books on each subject and I have read many and learned a lot regarding each. Author Suzie Orman even has books on tape and Robert Kiosaki, author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad invented a game, which I still itend to buy because I'm not done learning till I die!
Sean, several years ago, as he was educating himself on scholarship and trust monies inherited from his deceased grandparents, asked the provocative question "How do you learn about these things?" referring to money management and investments-our topic of discussion. Somewhat surprised by his question-because he had the courses available to him right there at USC, and on the "google" internet where one can learn about any subject matter by typing in the subject and seeing where it takes you, I attemped an answer. "First, you establish a role model, be it a teacher, author, investor, lawyer, parent (I could see where a college student focused on 1 subject might not know where to start-and as a parent who considers themself successful I was flattered to be asked the question) and then you ask them questions and emulate them, pratice their answers, listen carefully and apprentice." "Believe in yourself, trust that God will provide, and find your passion." That's a big order!

This AM as I awoke I concentrated on Love. Sex actually, as it has been months since I've been physically able to have sex, and grew excited about the possibility of having sex again (last time was too soon after surgery and I cried to think about what could have happened to my sex life if surgery had gone differently and I had been butchered in the process of removing the cancerous cyst in my vaginal wall). Thank God for caring, skillful surgeons, clean hospital facilities, and new treatments and for being in the best possible spot for loving support in the entire world.
I thought about the barter system that was used before we created money. Trading one skill for another-we still do that! and then about trading love-not necessrily sex-that is only one form of love.
If one has enough love then one has enough. Money is traded for loving acts. People want to pay to receive love. Love is enough. Yes, they will pay for sex too-but that is not enough. I wish you enough.

Hawaii-July 25th

Ok, I have been escaping from the world and now I am back but will try to catch you all up from my couple of journal entries...

1st day in paradise, a lot of traveling but this one time, booked ourselves (Steve and I that is) in 1st class. I see why they call it business class now, because you would have to pay me in such upgrades to get me to want to work and travel a lot under normal airlines conditions but I'm just pampering myself-the travel I would do in the baggage department with the crated dogs to get to paradise again!

We all got to check in (for those of you who still have never traveled 1st class) in an expediated line and our bags were handled with care. We checked through security like anyone else and Hawaiian air did not have a premier club at Seatac but some airports have gorgeous hang-out clubs offered to 1st class ticket holders (self confessed sneak-in at Tokyo airport).

The menu was fabulous gourmet food with veggie fritta, crab cakes and spinach with free champagne and mai tai on our puddle jumper flight from Honolulu to Kona. We had headphones and a handheld movie box where we could choose from 12 movies if we didn't care for the in-flight movie "Golden Blades" (which I watched). Steve & I watched a surfing movie to prepare for Hawaii-it was thought provoking as it's main theme involved taking the lead character back in time before Hawaii was developed in flashback scenes.Prepared me to rest & relax & enjoy the best of new developments and conveniences, but appreciate and respect the preservation of the beauty and natural wonders that abound here! I'm torn between just relaxing and doing nothing and my more natural, curiousity state of explore, see it all, experience the evolution....The sunset was unbeatable (though it tried again each nite). I was surprised at how quickly it went down. Me too-(went to bed early). We picked up Jamison in Honolulu (Sean's girlfriend) to make us a party of 5.

Ovarian Cancer Run (afternoon version)

Did you have fun today? It would have been easier to lay in bed this morning at 6AM and listen to the falling rain! The turnout was incredible! I lost count at over 80 and we raised over $11,000.

Today was the culmination of the tidal wave of love I have been surfing since Marilyn Dierickx, team captain for Team Sussex, launched the sign up for this event benefiting ovarian cancer research.

When I signed up, it was with trepidation and just a tiny bit of fear that this wave would be too big for me to tackle, but as it approached, I had no choice but to embrace it and ride it for all it was worth!

As the numbers surged so did the love that I felt and the energy that love brings with it, and I literally could have run the 10K this AM because it carried me!

At the start line I met Sara, a 29 year old 3x survivor (perhaps she is another cat figure with 9 lives - you go girl!), we embraced and were overwhelmed with emotion as our journeys collided. At the end of the race, the survivors assembled to be recognized and photographed and I met Donna - there in her wheelchair with oxygen and tubes coming from her arm, and I realized that many of those assembled would not be with us next year to celebrate the 2nd Annual for Team Sussex and partly because they do not have the prayers, love and support that I do. It is a healing power and I am thankful to you all for each and every day.

So go out there and touch someone new today with that powerful love force and pay it forward. That is God's blessing to all of us, and see you next year at the start line.


I love you all!

Summer Run 2007

Today was awesome simple put. We woke at 5:30 AM to the sound of pouring rain on the roof and it would have been easy to pull up the covers and stay in the warm bed, but up we all got to meet at the church parking lot where people were already gathered to pick up their race numbers and carpool to the start. My sister-in-law, Sandy, spent the night and walked with us on her birthday!

I debated wearing a second jacket but knew from previous experience that it would warm up soon once we started walking in the now muggy weather. Groups continued to join us as the carpools found parking and I was beginning to feel like a the bride at my wedding wanting to hug everyone and reconnect with faces I hadn't seen in a long time. The sheer numbers were energizing as we tried to round up the forces and take a group picture. A wound up aerobics instructor lead stretching excercises to get us warmed up with band jazzing it up in the background. Chelsea came over to introduce me to Sara whom she had just met-a 29 yr old 3 time survivor fighting once again for her life. Emotions ran strong and we vowed to stay in touch. We kept a strong pace and talked along the way. The rain let up just as the race started. Friends and family of friends along the way cheered us on and before we knew it the race was over.

John Curley from Evening magazine MC'd the event and the SeaGals thru tennis balls into the crowd of participants to give away prizes. One winning team raised $23,000 (we were over $11,000-not bad for our first attempt). A sponsoring company gave $100,000-I don't know the total dollar amount, but it was an amazing event with so much money raised for research. Dr. Saul Rivkin, the ovarian cancer specialist to whose wife this race was dedicated, and a member of my medical team at Swedish Center, was there to thank the crowd.

The survivors grouped together at the end and it was an inspirational reward to know that we were not alone in our varied journeys.

Your support has carried me and energized me through and I cannot thank you enough. The after party at Tamae and John's was fun and much appreciated. Chelsea promised to type up the blog I wrote at naptime, so you will not doubt get my afternoon version of the day as well, but had to let you all know I love you all...Give your friends and family who support you the same love you send out to me and you will get it back exponentially...I promise.

New support team

Wanda, my new support team partner, was diagnosed with cancer nearly the same time as I, and today I was able to meet with her. She has struggled with chemo side affects that I had limited exposure to and I feel for her in a way that only a survivor can relate to. We bonded in a new way. I showed her my naked head, and she rallied to spontaneously shave her shedding head and honored my by allowing me to snip a lock. We joked about the pharmacy we both have on our dirty kitchen counters, and what works and what doesn't, talked about recycling the flower vases that surely the Mercer Island Florist (thanks Diane) must think is going to the morgue-ha ha, we LIVE though the flowers die (and thank you to all you from both of us to those who have sent flowers-they are beauty for a fleeting moment in time), and I left with a new matching silk scarf, and a new resolution to live each moment as best we can. Can't wait to be with you again-I believe in you Wanda. You rock.

A New Foundation

Each day gets more exciting as we near the start gate for tomorrows run. We banded together and partied at Nick and Sue's new house on the water with the masters swim group in celebration of exciting new goals and a good life! I was expecting no more than a food fest and viewing of a fabulous new house with the best goal setting team I know when Nick and Karen-(best dedicated swimmer on the team and best friend-coach) announced that they were setting up a new foundation in my honor to fund cancer reasearch! Kelly Sterling (our accountant and another talented swimmer friend) is setting up the venue to donate money for cancer research. Give him a couple of weeks. We have all been touched in some way with cancer, and it seems the cure is near, but so far (especially when you are experiencing the disease). So in memory, or in honor of , or on the anniversary of the one you know who is afflicted with this disease, we are setting up this foundation. You can donate whenever you feel touched and all the proceeds will go toward research. This they dedicated to me not upon my death, but in my living days to inspire and support ME and make a difference NOW for everyone. It will go on till I am cured, but I am sure the ripple effect will be grand. What a party. Thank you so much Bellevue Club Masters...you are all awsome.

THE RUN-we are meeting at the MI Presbyterian Church at 6:30-6:45 and will carpool, or I will be meeting Earl at 7:30 at the registration desks at 747 Broadway if you are registering tomorrow so that we can band together. We have surpasseed our goal of $10,000 and are 80 strong in number! WOW, do I have a support team or what! Thank you, thank you, thank you. There will be an after the run party at 5 PM at my neighbor's house, bring an appetizer, drinks provided, at 9019 61st Ave SE. See you all there.

In Sickness and in Health

I have been contemplating the meaning of love from many different perspectives since the diagnosis. One day I am talking wedding vows with my daughter and future son-in-law, the next day I am talking about sex over 50 with my girlfriends, or nurturing a baby after helping Erica nanny. It has been a wild ride.

When I go back to the baby love, the unconditional love discussion comes back into play. I remember an unconsolable baby and slam dunking him into the crib or passing him off to someone who was better able to have patience with him, then I think about how much better that was than having to deal with a crack baby or what adopted parents must go through. Go to Child Haven and spend some time rocking and caring for babies that have Mothers who cannot take care of them. It makes you appreciate life and what you have. Our councelor at Swedish Center suggested volunteer somewhere. After much thought and reflection, the reality of volunteering does help you see the love we take for granted. There is always someone who is worse off than you who needs your love and affection.

The wedding planner gets to revisit another stage of love. My mother asked me to write 10 reasons why I was marrying Steve, and it made me think about the depth of each of my responses, which at age 21 seemed rather shallow at first thought. I lost those responses (I knew you would ask), but the ones I retained were the volunteer ones that Steve wrote for me. I review them when I wonder what we had in common then that are still there to grow on after 30 years. I have asked Erica and Dan to write their 10 reasons...are they deep enough to last a lifetime?

The girl's nite out makes me reflect on love after 50...life after the kids are out of the nest, or perhaps not...divorce, vasectomies, menopause, hot flashes, sleeping and work schedules, and the irritating habits that have persisted or developed after so many years that we cannot cope with. Such is the imputus of stress and ailments. We have to slow down, go back to baby state when we loved ourselves. I have discovered at this stage we need to love ourselves once again before we can possibly love others. THEN we are to reach out and love our neighbor as ourself. Slowing down, taking time to love myself is what this cancer has done for me.

There are volumes that could be writen from these simple thoughts, but perhaps something in the brevity creates your own story and you will use it constructively to begin to balance or heal your own life. The ripple effect is amazingly strong.

Someone from the next generation needs to add the next paragraph-I love the stories that you tell! God has planted me next to old folks who add so much to my life.

Half way there

If I am to go the minimum number of treatments, then I am half way there! I will be going in for a new CT scan next week to actually see the shrinkage of the tumors. Meanwhile, I have an up and coming run/walk that is energizing just by the sheer numbers who have decided to take up the challenge and walk or run for this cause and in support of ME! (Marsha Rivkin Summer Run for Ovarian Cancer-Team Sussex-for those of you who still want to sign up or donate). Thank you everyone and I am looking forward to celebrating with you all. We will be meeting at 6:45am this coming Sunday am at the MI Presbyterian Church where we will be carpooling if you want to join us last minute. I am doing yoga, walking, and swimming in preparation, and am looking forward to meeting other survivors who will be wearing blue shirts. It is amazing the amount of energy a group with a cause can create.

Sail Away

I am getting back on track at work, making phone calls, catching up with people, reading my emails, checking things off my to-do list, and generally feeling great. My cousin arrived from Chicago yesterday and my 2 brothers, their wives, my sister, and most all the cousins arrived at the Casita for dinner and yes, Margaritas! My cousin hasn't been in town since my Dad died almost 15 years ago-where does the time go? We all sat around talking about our youth and some of the crazy things that we did as kids. We laughed and all pitched in on preparing dinner and cleaning up afterwards. Aren't family reunions the best-I even crash other peoples' family reunions whenever I can cause they are so great-thanks Tamblyns for the Camp Patton invite-we should all have more of them.
I got a reminder call this morning that I was signed up to attend a clock hour class in Issaquah tomorrow (we have to take continuing education classes to renew our license and the renewal is approaching). The class was free if I attend, and the subject was technology and I can never keep up with that, plus there is a free lunch! If I wait until the deadline, I will inevitably miss some critical business because I will have to take an intensive week off to accomplish the clock hour requirement. But I worked today, I had a dentist appointment I needed to go to, and I missed the entire day with my cousin. The good thing was that I stayed out of the heat and did accomplish some things.
My brother is 2 years younger than I and when he turned 40 we nearly lost him to a sudden heart attack on New Years Day. It changed his life. He walks every day. He altered his diet, and he retired last year. He sails alot. Didn't I learn anything?
I could go to the class tomorrow, or I could play hooky and go sailing with my brother and my cousin. If you call and I don't answer, leave me a message. I will be out sailing.

Anticipation

My 3rd chemo treatment is quickly approaching, this Friday the 13th. Good thing I am not superstitious. I am feeling stronger every day and I am sure it is thanks to all of you out there who are praying for me, encouraging me, and helping me every step of the way-Thank you, thank you, thank you....
My friend and fellow church goer, Kristin Salerno offered me "Reike" at her house, a Japanese originated hands on healing technique. I could not turn her down. She first presented me with an eagle feather that she told me she had scouted for me the day before as she prepared for the session. It was a juvenille feather, and smaller than she had hoped for, but perhaps, since she hadn't read my blog yet she didn't know how appropriate the juvenille feather actually was. I have been retreating to childhood in many ways since the diagnosis-letting others take care of me, mindlessly eating or rejecting food offered to me without thinking about it, deligating tasks that I otherwise would have been strong doing, basically learning to walk again... She explained that she felt the eagle, a strong bird represened me, with fluffy, weak feathering at the base of the feather, and stiff, strong feathering at the tip. I had actually been watching 2 juvenille eagles play only the night before from the casita as they fished just off shore in front of us. I am always in awe of the power and beauty of those birds. I had gone to sleep thinking of the wings lifting me along my journey when I needed help soaring above it all. Kristin was in sync with my thinking that evening.
The session lastest over an hour with very relaxing music, and light hand placement on various parts of my body. I lay face up, and with eyes closed nearly drifting off to sleep-my body was begging for a massage, but the mind went there without intrusions of physical pressure. It was a beautiful gift.

Wind in your hair

Last Saturday Erica was running the garage sale again. Mike Backes came cruising by on his Harley to give me a ride. It was back to the High school days when I was "Motorcycle Mama". The ride was even more comfortable since there was a seat on the back with a backrest, and I had a helmet-it didn't used to be the law that you had to wear a helmet and I loved the wind in my hair. Saturday I had no hair and my head would have either gotten sunburned, or chilled, or both if I didn't have that awesome helmet that made me look so cool. We cruised to Alki beach and visited Jean and Roland at their beachfront house. On the ride home we took the beach strip route where I must have counted a dozen Harleys. As they passed they gave us the special low five wave saved for other Harley drivers. Good thing it wasn't this week when the Seafair Pirates landed and traffic was at a standstill.
I had been listening (and singing along, I admit) to the title track "Live like you are dying". In the past that song makes me cry, and now so even more, but I love it anyway. In the song, a son asks his father what he did when he received the diagnosis that he was dying, and his father answers-"I went sky diving, I went Rocky Mountain climbing, I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu. And I loved deeper, and I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying. And I hope you get the chance to live like you are dying."
The song and the Harley ride were just the ticket to make the day even more beautiful...thanks Mike for taking me away.

Sleepless in Seattle

I got up to post another blog entry and both kids were still out. Isn't it funny how we take our sleep for granted when we get it, and when we cannot sleep, it is when we need to most.

I watched the Planet Earth concert on TV just before bed. It is amazing to see how people all over the world can come together over world issues through concerts-everybodys music singing the same message and making a difference for all of us. Change our light bulbs to energy saving ones, drive fuel efficient cars, or carpool, or don't drive-ride the bus, use your own grocery bags when you buy small items at the store, don't use plastic, recycle, use cloth diapers (remember the days)...just one small effort makes a worldly difference. Thought I would pass the message on to those of you who weren't watching TV, because I think we all tend to go back to the easy way and forget the smallest things.

Unconditional Love

As long as the earth exists there will be rain followed by sun. It is required so that life can sustain itself. Some life is more tolerant of drought and thrives in the desert but planted in the wrong climate, shrivels and dies. When tended to by the gardener, any plant can be sustained and even thrive where planted. Such is love...
Two months ago my partner, Bonnie's mother died. After 7 years of lock-down in an Alzheimer's facility she never wished to go to, she was ultimately moved to a home in a neighborhood to a room with a view of Lake Washington. At that point she didn't have the energy to escape the building so her care was somewhat easier, but lack of mobility and enthusiasm for life made care giving difficult at the same time.
For the 7 years and a few preceding the move I witnessed the unconditional love that Bonnie had for her mother even though she denied such love could exist. I would go with Bonnie to visit her mother, Patricia, on occasion and watch as they greeted each other. Pat was angry at being there and seemed to need a scapegoat. Bonnie received hurtful and angry comments, when I could draw out conversations of traveling days and fun adventures in snippets of seemingly unrelated conversations, yet Bonnie continued to visit and love her mother as she remembered the fun person her mother had been, with the slow realization that we are a part of that person-that has gifted us life.
One Seattle morning the sun broke out of the clouds. Bonnie called me and said Pat was "going" and she didn't know what to do. The urge to call for help was strong but we knew it was time to let nature take it's course, and that that was exactly what Pat had wished for. Nonetheless at the final hour it is hard for those left to say goodbye regardless of how much time we have to prepare for that earthly departure. I raced up to her with Bonnie. The hospital nurse was trying to get pain killer medicine but there was too much paperwork left undone so we sat at Pat's bedside and talked as bubbles seeped from the oxygen hose attached to Pat's nose. Pat's brow was tense and furrowed, her eyes had a worried expression. "Call your sister, Bonnie" - "She needs to be here", "Your children are all here-they are coming to see you", I said to Pat. "No, Laurie can't get here, she is in Louisiana", Bonnie retorted. I waived my hand to shush her. "You are going on a trip, a journey, are you ready?" Her brow softened, "Bonnie, do you have any music your mom likes we could get" I was thinking about things that would help me relax and melt away to a different place...No, we couldn't think about those details now. "Where would you like to go now?" "It's ok to go." I said. The pain and tenseness left and we watched an incredible peace come over Pat's body as her spirit departed that sunny day. The transformation was freeing and beautiful as we realized the body is just a vehicle for the living spirit that left on that journey she had been longing to take.

what to do with limes

The other day, Susan delivered a huge bag full of limes from a party she had catered where limes were used as decoration. One can only cut up so many for your Coronas, and I still had a juicer that I hadn't used yet, so Margarita party it was! Planning last minute is a favorite of mine, but that also means that sometimes people don't get the message, or have made other plans. Wednesday I mentioned it some party friends I have who are always up for a Margarita, and then Karen called from my masters' swimmer group, and volunteered to email the group on my behalf, so the event was bound to happen but not telling how many would show up...
It rained off and on all day and I scrounged for my special recipe for Margaritas at the last minute, but Andy and Lynn showed up just as I was finalizing the concoction (fortunately since Andy had to run to the grocery store for me) and running down to see who would show up. Happy Hour it was!!! The sun came out and so did the double rainbow. We had just enough guests to do some good damage to the lime juice supply, and not too many to need a tent outside to house people. The Casita is simply a special place where wonderful memories are made. Thanks for celebrating the day with us-all you who made it. Those who didn't get the invite, or missed the event-there is still lime juice and more summer on the way. Stay posted.

Anorexia

Anorexia is defined as having a lack of appetite, so I guess I qualify for that one the day following chemo, and for up to 5 days after if subsequent chemo treatments are like the 1st. The 1st go round, I lost about 10 lbs which I didn't think was all bad, yet others seem to be overly concerned and try to get me to eat when I don't feel like it. How many times have I tried diets in the past only to find my body just seems to settle out at a certain weight in the end just because that corresponds to how balanced my life is at the time, and what issues I am dealing with. We certainly are obsessed with weight issues but most of that ends up to being how much we love ourselves just the way we are.
I don't love myself when I am sick. I feel dependant on others to do the household things that make the place run smoothly. I am easily irritated by dirty dishes in the sink, the dog begging because she hasn't been fed-or just because she has become accustomed to eating off our plates since we don't sit down at the dinner table together because our schedules are so sporadic, laundry sitting around, and just a lot of clutter in the house. Perhaps that all makes it easier to just go to bed and convalesce.
Today the sun came out and warmed up the place! Earl called to ask how I was doing-he is my old friend who is now everyone's personal trainer because he is so upbeat and fit-fun to work out with and fun to look at. He was working Laura, a 15 year old girl who on her last day of school who was working hard to train for soccer so that she could better herself. I made Sean come with me since he has nearly given up workouts since hanging up his speedo, and taking to sleeping in after party nites out. We watched the workout, enjoyed the sun, and walked twice around the track-this was after I nearly passed out this morning before taking my antinasea meds and not eating. I have decided to listen to my body and recover faster by trying a bit harder-mind over matter. It really works. Earl took us out to eat at The Islander and it was great to see a party on the deck and all those smiling faces. Brenda Paull and Susan Kaplan (my Dr's wife) were at the restaurant! We talked about what it takes to be a great athelete, the dedication, the perseverance. Natural talent can only get you so far, then it comes to mental discipline. I am so lucky to have such a great support team and the physical abilities that I have.
No lack of appetite here! Balance is the key.

Baldy

My computer has a virus so it is too tired to let me even check my email. Robin, are you out there to rescue me?
Steve and Sean shaved my shedding head last Thursday just before my Friday chemo treatment. Erica videotaped. It was a freeing experience and I am having fun with my new looks (I have a few wigs and a huge amount of scarfs and hats, so you might not recoginize me).
My Dr appt went really well. The blood counts are good, and the tumors appear to be shrinking. I have regained a bit of my smell (which I have been without for many years now) and my wart on my toe is gone also. There are a few side benefits to chemo!
Erica is busy being a nanny and also joining efforts with me in the Real Estate business. She has been a tremendous help.
Sean is looking for some pool time somewhere where he might be able to give private swim lessons so if you know of anyone with a good facility (private or club) that has openings, let us know. He is also looking into commercial real estate and enjoying interviewing with those in the industry-thanks all you friends out there with that background.
Steve has been working hard with Sean to move tons of dirt at the Casita for our new landscape plan that need to be implemented for permits on our dock and bulkhead approval.
All in all, our household is very busy at the present and running both fast and slow. Balance is key.

Port Townsend

Steve and I backed out of Mercer Island to a slower pace after settling banking affairs, rental closure, office meeting with Erica in matching Pink Polo striped shirts (mini me), and smoothie for the road. Pulling up to the ferry we tailgated a truck carrying a ragged green sectional tied precariously in the back of their pick-up. I made a mental note that we were escaping fashion town to a Hippie existence in an artsy town with meager existence-so close to city yet so laid back and relaxed-Pt. Townsend (2 hours drive, ferry ride and over Hood Canal Bridge-a beautiful drive-I wonder how many Mercer Islanders have never ventured so far). I looked up. Steve had gotten out of the car and was talking to the truck driver-"Kerry, look who it is!" Doug and Patrick Rigby and our ole friend Bronx, their trusty black lab! They were off to Port Townsend too where Patrick would be staying whilst managing a building project. We caught up on the ferry ride and visited the construction site when we got into town. The sun was out and the air was beginning to warm up and I could feel the stress of the day melt away as we crossed the sound and watched the seagulls play and float on the air currents alongside the ferry. Both Mt. Rainier and Mt Baker were snow capped and out majestically and everyone had a relaxed smile on their face. They were leaving city life. The pace was slowing and I was on recharge.



We checked into The Tides Inn-a new addition to the waterfront hotel made famous in the movie "Officer and a Gentleman". Our room was complete with gas fireplace, glass framed balcony overlooking the vast sound and sailboats moored in the harbor. The bathroom had a huge jetted tub and my favorite-a heated toilet seat with bidet-fridge and microwave-we could just hunker down here. With energy to burn, we set out to get some lunch and tour the artsy shops along Water Street. The Mad Hatter was beconning me as my hair needed anchoring-it is coming out by the brushful and easily pulled out if I run my fingers through-can I keep this up just a few more days? a week? I wore my hat to dinner as the wind had tosseled my hair and I didn't want to brush it again for fear of loosing all my bangs or making a big bald spot. I vowed to return for a fancy hat and perhaps scarf to match as momento of the trip. We drove to the beach and walked through the garden trellis covered with roses-I thought a perfect place for a wedding even an outdoor gazebo and covered picnic area.



The trail lead to the beach and we combed the beach for white pebbles. Steve wanted only the purest white pebbles but many were hiding black spots or imperfections when you picked them up. I commented that they reminded me of the worry stones that people had gifted me for my pocket that had messages or symbols on them "believe", "trust", and angel, or peace sign. We decided that we would collect as many as possible on each trip to the beach and let supporters choose one for their pocket to remind them to pray each time they felt the rock in their pocket. The tide was out and children speckled the beach laughing and playing in the sand. The sound of laughing children is always music to the soul. We drove through Ft Warden park and memories of adventures with my own children flooded my mind.

I called Debbie and asked her where to eat since she lived in Pt. Townsend many years in the days our oldest children were babies together. They owned the Four Corners grocery and gas station on the way into town-still there today mostly unchanged over time. The work was hard, the salary meager, the lifestyle slow and laid back. We had been to folk life festivals and toured Victorian mansions. Great memories of days gone by... Deb told us not to miss Silverwater Cafe. We found it and had the best home cooked meal in an old historic building just off Water Street. We even had desert-blackberry pie ala mode. Then back to our room for a peaceful wind down ready for another beautiful day sunny day. Looking into the loving eyes of my devoted, but devastated husband, with no cares or worries for the moment,we vowed to escape and recharge before each monthly chemo.

Links

Isn't it funny how you can pop from one thought or message to another by the connection of just one word. We do it all the time on the computer now. It can take us on quite a journey if we let it. Positive thoughts or negative thoughts, we can spiral out of control. It can be healing or debilitating.

I have a friend who was delivered the death sentence about the same time as I was given hope of survival. Most likely the same odds, just a different delivery of the message-you have cancer. I hope I get the opportunity to walk and talk with her so she can know there is hope in each day of our lives, no matter how long we have on this earth. Who tells you how long you have on this earth? Don't miracles happen every minute?

Spirit

I awoke sweating and moved the snuggley leopard blanket I had been gifted off my bare shoulder. Through the open window a cool breeze blew across my overheated body. Now that I am healing and feeling stronger daily I have begun to fill my calendar with activities once again. Dinner out, Father's Day barbeque, card making session, birthday celebration, doctor appointments, house showing tour (yes, I am working)-moments that create memories. I am restless because I agreed to retreat with Steve this week to the Olympic Penninsula where I find respit from the busyness and beauty from new surroundings that keep a slower pace, and I have over booked my calendar. Can I be somewhere else in spirit?
I think about the days immediately after my Mother departed this world and how I talked to her aloud and could feel her anwer me if I would just quiet myself and listen. Her spirit was still close by. I wondered how I would ever get beyond the hurt of being left behind.
I watched "Dream Girls" and last nite a documentary on Jimmy (I cannot even remember his name-help me out here) a spirited African American man who was just beginning to get some recognition for his songs in the late 60's, when his life was cut short in a car accident in Illinois. His blues songs are still being sung today by popular bands (similar to the dream girls who needed a pretty face, or white band to get their lyics out to the greater population). The spirit moves you. The spirit lives.

Beauty and Grace

Last year I attended a women's retreat given by my church. It was once again in the foothills of the mountains in North Bend, a beautiful wooded retreat center with truely spirit filled grounds, waterfalls, fish pond, trails through the woods, old growth trees, and mountains. We were given a pad of paper to ponder the lessons of the weekend; one to wake up to and fill out daily. I found it recently and began to fill it out once again.

I am grateful for...



I lift up....



Acts of Grace ...

Moving towards balance...

I wondered the meaning of Grace.

I need only open my eyes and my heart for the answer I am sure, but I see it as kind of a serendipity from the Universe. Hey you out there, what acts of grace have you seen today?

Wigs and receeding hairlines

My hair, as was expected, is beginning to fall out. The trash can and brush are full of hair. I am charging the video cam to document the event and planning how it will happen. Some things I still have control over. Sean has offered to do the actual shaving-a tradition that has seen many a swim team to their biggest meets (remember Frank when you sat in front of the entire High school while the kids shaved your head on a bet). A brave act.
I have had some fun trying on wigs with the kids that have come over to see me when their parents bring dinners. My rastafarian dreadlocks looked great on AJ! and Claire had fun becoming a blonde. I get to become a different new person and it will be an interesting chapter.

Summer Run for Ovarian cancer

Check the comments on "Routines" as Erica has informed us all how to sign up, or donate to the cancer run that is July 22. I am training now and have jogged my first steps but am still a bit sore and tight in the abdomin area. Sharon Scott, fellow realtor who trained with me for the San Diego marathon in 2001, in my office, is also doing a triathalon in my honor in September and looking for donations, so you can do either if you are looking for ways to help the cause and support me too. Thanks ever so much for your continued outflow of love and well wishes. We can make this world a better place together. I love you all.

Routines

I have found that we develop routines to organize and prioritize our lives. This is a good thing, like the cleaning crew, it refreshes us and declutters the wasted time that diminishes the positive energies we could be spending doing something productive. Before cancer I had a working semiorganized routine that included waking up in the am, drinking my cup of coffee, working out (if I didn't get my own exercise done in the morning, I felt the effects of a sluggish body the rest of the day- Fitness First-right Dan?), doing Sudoku (now this one has been questioned as it sometimes can cause me great frustration and leave me in a bad mood early am, but mental activity is important to staying healthy, so find your own solution there), spending time with my husband, drinking Starbucks coffee and mostly driving around checking out the new Real Estate on the market and preparing for the rest of the day-my work, helping people transition to a new lifestyle.
After my surgery, my routines got turned upside down. Like anyone in crisis, I was in dispair, didn't know which way was up. Gradually, I return to those old comfort routines, but with new passion for life and renewed purpose with clarity about why these things have meaning-each breath is a gift, each day an opportunity to create a memory for both myself and someone else, make it a good one. Stay healthy.

PEO

A few of my Girl's Night Out friends and some of my female family members belong to an secret society called PEO. You ask them what PEO stands for and they cannot tell you! For years they tell of their meetings and some of the things they accomplish at their meetings, and you would be amazed what they come up with...everything from making scrapbook collections to sending underprivledged kids to foreign countries to learn about new cultures and religions. They talk about their accomplishments with passion and purpose and their enthusiasm makes you want to belong to this secret club. Once, I felt I was very close to being invited to join the folds of this secret club, but eluded that I didn't have very much time on my plate, and the invitation was never mentioned again. Something like another biblical story I am reminded of where the farmer loses out on life because he is too busy to attend a celebration because he has married a wife and bought a cow. Recently I had a revelation-the do good club was not a SECRET, it was just like every philanthropic organization in that you can start going and doing at ANY time of your life-whenever you figure out that giving is more divine than receiving. YOU are the recipient when you give. Didn't God give us that knowledge? "To give is more blessed than to receive"-I think there is an old biblical passage that says so (sorry, I cannot always remember scripture at this hour of the nite). Now with this recent diagnosis I am a recipient of showers of presents and giving. To this end I can attest. This is hard for me-being on the receiving end- as I have learned the old lesson many times. So PEO means Philanthropic, Educational Organization-giving, giving, giving-or a great Girls nite out group social-People Eating Out (as I was once told when I asked the meaning of PEO), but whatever-it is a woman's organization that meets regularly to better the world-they are always doing great things. So join one today-there are lots of clubs out there, Rotary, Lions Club, Church-Or start a new one yourself- and spread the good deeds. Pay it forward...

words of wisdom

Daily I search for words of wisdom and I recieve them from many sources. I get motivational quotes online, Unity prayers, friends calling and stopping by, books and tapes-keep them coming. Self talk is important and keeping it positive is imperative on a daily basis.
Yesterday was a great day physically. I walked with Erica, Steve, and Bailey, to QFC and back. It was great to start the day outside-the sun broke through cloudy skies and I knew it would be a good day. I shared my blog with a former football player, the one I had written "Quarterback" chapter for, and he gave me, in return, a newspaper article (hard to find good news in the paper these days, so when we do we clip and save) entitled "Life's great safari is facing your own fear", by Robert I. Jamieson Jr.. It seemed appropriate to share at graduation-

"Live your life with passionate intesity and do not waste time with petty frustrations.
Make a list of things you want to know or do and chase them by pushing yourself to the precarious edge of possibliity.
Strive to contribute to the world because none of us knows how much time is left on the clock."

Physical strength comes sporatically for me now, but yesterday I felt strong once again and went to Kirkland, my old Sunday stomping grounds where I traditionally rejuvinate with Deanne and Susan each Sunday am and run the shores of Lake Washington-yesterday I got a frozen yogurt-that is what recharges Erica! We had taken a whole month (at least) off, and it was great just to show up and see their faces (rule number 1 in rehab-just show up).
Hahn came at noon with her other son and brought spring rolls and soup as promised. We tried on our wigs again for her son and got a second laugh sharing our new looks.
Sean and girlfriend, Jamison, arrived home around 4pm after a long drive back from LA. It's great to have them here, safe and sound and smiling.
I ate all day long with wreckless abandon, and after finishing most of my dinner, stopped short, full to the top with the realization that I hadn't used any drugs to combat lack of appetite-in fact, I hadn't used any drugs all day-I just felt normal again! I am going to be strong for 2 weeks in between chemo treatments! I will be able to do anything, so God grant me wisdom to live each day passionately with a contribution to the world.

A child's perspective

My children were only 4 and 6 years old, my Mother died of breast cancer. Judy Witmer, our dear friend and preschool teacher, gave us children's books to read to the kids to try to help them understand, and to open conversation. Some of my favorites; "I'll always Love You", "The Runnaway Rabbit", and "Mrs Rumphius". Mrs Rumphius was about a spinster who traveled the earth with many adventures, beauties, and aquaintences, who pondered, as we all do, the meaning of life. Her quest was to leave the world a better place and she struggled for many years to find how she was going to accomplish that simple task. She loved the flowers and how they made her feel when they bloom and began spredding seeds across the hillsides. We read lots of books, and I choked up many times and wondered how I could ever survive my Mother's death or even get out of bed the next morning. I routinely picked up Sean from preschool and hand in hand we walked down the road as we talked about Grandma's death. "I don't think you understand". "You will never see Grandma Nancy again", I said."Oh yes we will". he responded happily, "In Heaven". That day I began to heal.

The Port

Now that I have a port, vessels come and go unburdening their loads for me to sort and do with what I may.
Sitting in the lobby of the Doctor office we waited for our appointment. Tap tap tap, "excuse me". Erica thought that something was on her shoulder, but Svein was introducing himself as he waited for his next cat scan. "Don't drink my juice" he chided. "Oh, I won't take your stuff", "I didn't notice you there". What a wonderful, humorous way to introduce yourself. What a great attitude! We all wanted to get to know this man and what he was up to. He went on to say he was from Denmark but now living in Phinney Ridge. A loner, he delivered fish on his bicycle in Denmark back home for a year, making a simple living and meeting folk along the way. We took his number, vowed to see him again, and went to our appointment.
I talked with my tennant the other day and his son was MIA from school. He is a single father trying hard to start a new life on Mercer Island, newly moved here from Idaho, a gutsy move to try to better his own life and start over. I had assured him that there was no better place than Mercer Island to raise his boys that he had just received custody of. That was 2 years ago, and now things were not going as planned. How will the community respond? Who does he connect with who will be the eyes in back of his head, helping him keep track of his son? Does he think that society has let him down? He is trying to start his own construction business, just developing his skills of the trade, and balance raising his boys and enjoying life.
Erica and I went downtown to an appointment with the Immigrations attorney who had been referred us (thank you Catherine Meyer and Sharon Pollack, and Dave Shiffrin-for getting us to this point). Who you know is so important in life. You only need ask for help, and God will show you the way. Dream big, and pray for the results. The mantra is working. We must now apply for a tourist visa in order for Dan to get over here stat. Any other venue would delay his arrival. I phone Dan to let him know that his status is now tourist, start drilling that into his head, the rest will play out later. We have had issue in the past with wrong message being accidentally jokingly communicated to governmental agencies. Since 911 you have to watch out who gets into this country and no joke is tollerated at customs. What is unfolding here? We learned that Erica had to file her income tax from her work in Australia, so we went across the street to the Federal building to get forms to update her status and ready to sponsor Dan. She has to make more than poverty level in order to sponsor Dan. We pray for a deal, we get an opportunity to present an offer the very next day. God again answers our prayers.
At the Federal Building, I see a girl who appears mental disabled, our eyes connect, and I ask "Do you live on Mercer Island?" "NO, I can't talk to strangers" she replys, a scared look on her face. I back off and continue on down the hall toward the IRS office. She turns and yells down the hall, "I can't talk to strangers, my Mother told me not to talk to strangers, I can't talk to strangers". A cry to be understood, an obvious concern for her mother to protect her daughter in this cold world. Mother, if you are out there, I am not a stranger, let me talk to your daughter-she is beautiful and scared.
I went to the Bellevue Club for Masters workout at 6am the other morning. The 12 step program to rehab step 1 is "Just show up". I made a commitment to do that and the new sleeping pill has allowed me enough rest to just show up-I drag out a yoga mat for step 2 and 3 "start slow and alter the workout". A smile on my face, a new empowerment, a wonderful support group.
Sean, who grew up training for swimming at Bellevue Club, has attracted a lot of attention with his swimming acheivements. He is on his way back to Seattle after graduating from USC just days before my surgery. Perhaps the universe is beconning him back to his own folds for a job where he was raised. Years ago as he was training for Olympic Trials I was running (often that is where my best thinking comes into play-another balancing act in the game of life) when I wrote this mantra for Sean. It sings true for me, and now I find more meaning that ever in the words I wrote for Sean to succeed:
IN LIFE AS IN SWIMMING

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE HILLS YOU MUST CLIMB
AND THE ATTITUDE IT TAKES TO SURMOUNT THEM.
BUILD YOUR TEAM WITH LOVE
FOR THAT IS WHERE YOU DRAW YOUR STRENGTH,
AND YOU CAN ACHEIVE WHAT OTHERS ONLY DREAM...

Blogger help

It's another f-ing foreign language! Frustrating that is, and we all have to be patient and learn how to communicate with it because it is soooo great when you can really use the tools! Thanks Bill Gates, you are awsome. I admit, I had help from the younger generation, thanks Erica and Chelsea, because when they do it for you, it's a breeze, but just like driving a car, if you don't do it yourself, you won't learn the lesson, so try it and enjoy! One of my more patient friends even discovered she could tap into other blogger's blogs and she learned about my friend Deb's only daughter, Celeste, who has even more trials than me, and nearly died of cancer a few years ago but is surviving stronger today-you go girl!

Dad, you said you print the page for family who prefer not to frustrate themselves with the internet. Thanks for sharing. I just learned how to check my gmail account to read the new emails I have had sitting in my new (unjunked and preferred) email account. I have been meaning to do the same, just haven't gotten to it. I deligated the book form to a friend, and haven't heard from her, though I am sure she is just busy and I am impatient to get the word out. Your issue with pulling up the Girl's Nite out picture is because you saved with the connection that Steve gave you on favorites that brings you back to the May webpage-Erica taught Steve that one, and she admits she is soooo busy that she hasn't even gotten to read my blog for days, and people are asking her how to use the stupid website. I will try not to clutter the chapter with stupid details, they can be organized and directed by other people who have patience and time to do this as a service to others who need to communicate. Try resaving the favorite with www.kattale.blogspot.com and see if that fixes the problem. Then, as you have discovered, to respond, you set up a gmail account so you can respond to the chapter-but you can go back and respond to the appropriate chapter too if you want-I look back and reread the chapter comments each day! So for now, set up a gmail account so you can respond to comments and get new, uncluttered email, I will have the time to respond. TO SET UP A GMAIL ACCOUNT you have to go to google line and put in gmail.com (Erica had to tell me that one too-remember I am regressing to a two year old, but that means I am determined to do it "by self") Then you will get instructions on converting email from whatever venue you are currently using on your new gmail account email. Hope that helps.
As you can see, I am still up at 1 am. This seems to be the time when all is quiet and my best writing flows (don't know about this entry). Erica is getting mad at me for posting in the middle of the nite instead of sleeping, but I can rest during the day with gatekeepers and new rules. We are organizing, compartmentalizing, and learning how to communicate even better. This computer stuff even translates into other languages. My next vision (thanks Dawn for Wendy's story) is sign language-did you notice the peace sign?-that is universal.